Toy War I

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edit Toy War I

Toy War I was the followup to the The GI Joe-Transformers War when the teenage mutant ninja turtles had taken the capital and were killed by Cobra forces out of hunger for power and lunch. Cobra and his highest ranking general, Destro, decided to attack the Joes while their toy line was a pile of shit and only a handful of POW Joes escaped the microwave ovens of Cobra. The War started last Saturday in the backyard but the conflict spread quickly to the living room.

edit Background

It had all started when John had brought home that teenage mutant ninja turtles truck. Cobra Commander was always hungry for power ever since he lost the GI-Transformers conflict and the UDCF was disbanded. As a result he had hired mostly tan plastic soldiers for his new war. The TMNT, looking to eliminate any opposition that could be played with, quickly struck a cobra outpost under the bed. A couple of cobra's soldiers were killed, Destro lost his Nokia cellphone, and one tonka dump truck was destroyed. Due to the recent sissifying of GI Joe toys, the Joes were forced to send in diplomats to stop any further fighting. This did not end up well, however.

edit Treaty

A Mario toy from burger king, a plastic Woody with his legs glued together, and a Spongebob with no arms were sent to the TMNT headquaters. Peace talks had been made for 5 minutes then all of a sudden the were taken hostage and hung, ( which is a form of torture because toy necks do not break) Spongebob, lacking a neck, was hung by his nose. All of them were released after being found in a underground sandhole by the BSFU.

edit Reaction

GI Joe forces started to build a new force out of foreign units, because SIGMA 6 couldnt fight for jack shit. GI-Tran war veterans such as Duke, who had became the head commander of the Joes, the limited edition Darth Vader, who became the leader of the special forces unit in the house, and Gung-Ho took as head commander of the BSFU (Backyard Special Forces Unit) and started to recruit green soldiers that were cheap to maintain and easily replaceable. Duke always said they only took a coupla "c's" to make.


Gung-Ho, leader of the BSFU

edit Cobra Eliminates Starfox

GI Joe's task force started to go into a TMNT base near the stairs, armed with 5 greens with M16 rifles, 2carrying Thompsons. A firefight broke out quickly between the two forces. The green forces were quickly killed along with ultra Jesus, three members of Kraftwerk and Prophet from Crysis. Jet fighters were dispatched by Cobra forces to bomb the TMNT truck at night. At 10:00 PM the TMNT truck was heading to collect food from the cabinet. The exact words were recorded. "This is Fighter Pilot group one, a green truck is in sight."", "We have a positive ID on the TMNT truck, preparing to egnage, over." With these words the pilot group dropped 11 plastic bombs that caused the TMNT truck to spin out of control, and fall from the counter. A faint scream was heard the a loud crash. Three days later the truck was recovered and all TMNT were pronounced dead. One of them was on the toliet. Poor fellow. After this, Cobra decided to strike the Joes while they were unaware.

edit The Operations


Darth Vader's small force of Joes was incoming on a small base that had been attacked by the TMNT previously. They were to assault the underground facilties in the base. Half Life was used a a training simulator for this. He led a small assault in the bases underground facilties, killing a couple of guards and scientists. He was able to sneak past the bases main defenses. Quickly though, they were compromised and quickly overrun. However the got an evacuation from a Chinook Helicoptor just in time before Cobra dispatched mobile AA to the area.

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Chinook Helicoptor that had evacuated Darth Vader and his forces from the underground base.

Kitchen Assault

The Battle Of The Kitchen was considered the first major battle of the Toy War. It cost the lives of 10 Joes, 120 plastic army men from both sides, 20 cobra members, Destro's new T-Mobile phone,3 PT boats, 1 pirate ship, a plastic huey, and a Grizzly tank. It started when a cobra pirate ship in the sink started to fire shells near the stove. About three Joes were sent to scout the area but were sniped. Only one surived to report.Duke responded by starting a full scale assault on the kitchen. 80 green army Men armed with M16's, Bazooka's, Scoped Lee Enfield rifles, and 5 with flamethowers were sent out. There assault was responded by Cobra tans, armed with M16's as well, and some more elite soldiers that were gray and armed with 98k bolt action rifles. Many greens were killed during the counter attack along with 8 other Joes that were killed when a Ju87 Stuka dive bombed their foxhole. The huey helicoptor scored an amazing 67 kills during the firefight before being taken down by a jet fighter. Tan forces, unable to keep up with the green advance, were forced to scuttle their pirate ship and retreat.

Computer Strike

Darth Vader led a force of 5 Joes and 5 greens and 1 Action Man to disable the computer that was broadcasting propaganda messages all throughout the house. Vader was to call bombing run made of B17's on the area after the comp had been shut down. Luckly defense was not to hard to get by. Vader quickly made it to the computer, action man gave it the BSOD, and all of a sudden automated turrets popped out of nowhere. Action man, 3 Joes, 2 greens were cut down. Vader at the last moment called a bombing run. As a result he sadly perished along with the 2 greens and 2 Joes that had survived the automated turret attack. The computer could no longer function fortunately. All were given a simple funeral.

The Dining Table

The dining table was the base of cobra above ground. The Cobra forces, in retreat ever since they lost the kitchen were tightening there defense making sure no one got though. Defense was with 5 AA guns, 2 plastic tanks, 100 tan troops, 43 gray troops, 3 planes,and a lot of other stuff. Green forces were quickly suppressed by the Cobra defense, but started to slowly push foward. Many troops were killed by penny mines and dartbombs. Cobra, seeing that Joe forces were advancing to the above ground base dispatched highly elite Waffen SS troops to the area.


Highly elite Waffen SS soldiers dispatched by Cobra to halt the Joe advance.

The Joes were slowed by this, as out of every SS soldier killed 8 greens would go down. Still, Joe forces, having cover from some books and small materials, were able to prevail. After defeating the main defense, a small group of joes set M80 bombs to the Cobra bases mainframe, which had collasped when the M80 went off. This was a clear victory for the Joes, and Duke knew that hope was clearly in sight. Cobra was forced to move his remaining forces to his main base, which was underground. All naval forces were transported to the pool. It would soon be over.


The Backyard Special Forces Unit was an elite band of Joes, a few greens, and a couple of others that were suited for the intense fighting of backyard warfare. Gung-Ho, was the commander of this unit. He always carried a glock and grenade launcher.Their mission was to break through the backyard defense, silence the Anti-Aircraft emplacements in the sandbox, take out communication centers in the leaves, and capture Cobra and Destro to end the war. As they aproached the leaves, they were ambushed by soldiers. Duke took some out with his grenade launcher and the rest of the Joes threw grenades to flush them out. The leaves provided good cover as the BSFU advanced, slowly picking off troops one at a time. But, as they were seen by more forces, artillery strikes were ordered on their location. A snake action figure was killed when they came down. The Joes had no choice to retreat so they continued to advance, slowly getting picked off one by one as they got closer to the sandbox.


Heavy fighting in the backyard. Two Waffen SS troops on the right and one is covering an advancing gray on the left.

Gung-Ho eliminated the sandbox defense with his grenade launcher, while the rest of the Joes planted 1 blockbuster near the no longer manned Anti Aircraft guns. Within seconds, the entire sandbox had blew up into a fiery ball. The BSFU faced more soldiers now, as they took out communication towers in the leaves and picked off snipers. The BSFU was only about 15 feet away from the main cobra base when they were ambushed by cobra operatives. Almost all of the Joes were dead, but still, Gung-Ho pushed on. The cobra operatives were good shots and were killing most of duke's small force. Gung-Ho chucked one of his frag grenades into their foxhole killing five. A radio message from Gung-Ho was sent to HQ. "This is Gung-Ho! Do you read me!? I need some air support! Their coming from everywhere!' Duke sent in some P51 Mustangs to help out. They proceeded to strafe the Cobra operatives until the remaining soldiers ran inside the HQ. Duke sent all of his armies after getting a radio message that all soldiers in the backyard area had been eliminated. The remaining BSFU soldiers infiltrated the underground base where they found the hanging diplomats and freed them. Luckily, there was not many guards left in the base. Cobra commander was calmly found watching lifetime in his living quarters of his Führerbunker and was captured along with Destro, and sentenced to 3 days in the toy box.

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