From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
edit Towel Whipping
Everyone expects the most dangerous weapons to be the obvious ones: Guns, Daggers, Samurai swords, Rocket launchers, America's nuclear bombs...etc etc. However what everyone should REALLY be scared of, is the weapons that nobody thinks of. For all those who have ever used a tea towel, dishcloth or towel. You will know that each and every one is really a perilous and terrifying weapon to only be used by true masters of the art of towel whipping.
edit The Different Types Of Towel-Weapon
There are three main types of Towel-Weapon, all varying in size and each gives a different hit. Each is individual in how it delivers its blow and should be chosen depending on whether the target has bare skin showing or not.
The smallest: Dishcloth: Only the best of the best towel whippers can pull off a satisfying snap from a dishcloth. Very hard to handle but when the user and the cloth become one, the strike that will follow will surely cause a welt worthy of the great towel whippers of old. Recommended for use on bare skin. The dishcloth tends to be too thin to pull off a fulfilling whip through clothes. Not a very good length. Master this cloth and you'll be dishing out the bruises to everyone.flexibility of it. Highly recommended for beginners to learn with. Comes in a variety of materials to cause various amounts of different damage to people. Longer than a dishcloth and can offer a gratifying hit on the target while leaving enough time to make a quick getaway
The longest: Towel: Quite hard to come to grips with mainly because of the heaviness. Once mastered however it can give an incredibly rewarding and enjoyable lash against your enemy whether they are wearing clothes or not. Since most towels are the length they are, if you get a whip in with this weapon there isn't much of a chance of a rebound strike from your target.
edit The Various Colours Of Towel
White Towel - Beginner- You are crap! You fail to even make the towel whip instead you hit glass and they smash.
Red Towel - Need More practice- You can now whip, the pain you inflict is minimal but you are now well on your way to doing better.
Yellow Towel- Getting better - You can now make people squeal, when you assault with the towel
Green Towel - Good- When you whip the skin goes Red. Good your profficiency is increasing!
Blue Towel- Very good- You can duel with the best no longer do you just pick on defenceless dishwashers (like David Frazer), you now pick on people your own size.
Brown Towel -Excellent- When people see you with a towel they have a fearful, mistrusting look in their eye. Their heart beats twice as fast as they prepare to run from you.
Black Towel- Master- Masterful deadly accuracy means that not only do your shots hurt but they don't miss, you can now shoot down a wasp in flight!