Totally Torah: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers.

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“The Holy Bible: more than just a mediocre Manic Street Preachers album, it seems ”
~ Billy Graham on Rock music.
“The best three for one offer since My Father, Myself and My Holy Ghost”
~ Jesus on The publishing of 'Totally Torah : Exodus,Leviticus and Numbers'.

Exodus

• Israelites take leisurely Egyptian break despite incomplete pyramid resort.

Pharaoh adopts strict one-child-policy.

Dingo-abducted baby mysteriously found in River Nile.


Moses-Parts-the-Red-Sea

Moses was lucky to escape the attack of the Egyptian octopus corps.

ArkofCovenant

God's ire was placated when the Israelites created a display-case in which to show his carvings.

Moses shoots passer-by in mall-rampage.

• Hides out at desert safe-house.

Crack-binge causes hallucinations of burning bushes and land flowing with milk and honey.


• Pharaoh rejects unionised labour on new pyramid project.

Moses becomes shop-steward, begins campaign of direct action.

Union-violence condemned following death of Egyptian first-born.


• Israelites flee.

• Egyptian army fail to learn lessons from life-guard training.

• Israelites enjoy protracted team-building exercise in Sinai Desert.


God gives Israelites deeds to Canaan along with 10-point instruction manual.

• Israelites take unhealthy interest in Livestock.

• Angry God placated with ornate gift box in which to keep His handicrafts.

Vulture sandwich

Vulture chick meat is tender but still forbidden.

Leviticus.

• Protracted negotiations on lease of Canaan.

• Aaron and sons anointed priests. Sons die after playing with matches.

• Don’t eat pigs; oysters dodgy; best avoid vultures.

Numbers

Donkey shrek large

Insert Ass joke here.

• Israelites back out of attack on Canaanites, opting for a forty year camping trip in Sinai.

• Bored, angry God sends plague, seems surprised when people lose faith.

• Moses’ conjuring tricks distract the unfaithful.


• Conquest of Canaan proves to be little more than talking out of Balaam's ass.

• Local hookers induce Israelite men into playing Baal.

Coup d'etat places Joshua at head of military junta.

Bonus Track.

Deuteronomy Doo-wop.


See Also

Totally Torah: Genesis

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