Totally Torah: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers.

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m (moved User:Sog1970/Totally Torah: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers. to Totally Torah: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers.: It is as it is, as it was in the begining and ever shall be)
 
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{{Q|The Holy [[Bible]]: more than just a mediocre [[Manic Street Preachers]] album, it seems |[[Billy Graham]] | Rock music.}}
 
{{Q|The Holy [[Bible]]: more than just a mediocre [[Manic Street Preachers]] album, it seems |[[Billy Graham]] | Rock music.}}
   
{{Q|It's the best three in one since My Father, Myself and My Holy Ghost|[[Jesus]] | The publishing of 'Totally Torah : Exodus,Leviticus and Numbers'.}}
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{{Q|The best three for one offer since My Father, Myself and My Holy Ghost|[[Jesus]] | The publishing of 'Totally Torah : Exodus,Leviticus and Numbers'.}}
   
 
==Exodus ==
 
==Exodus ==
 
 
   
• Israelites take leisurely 400 year Egyptian break despite incomplete [[pyramid]] resort.
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• Israelites take leisurely Egyptian break despite incomplete [[pyramid]] resort.
   
 
• [[Pharaoh]] adopts strict one-[[child]]-policy.
 
• [[Pharaoh]] adopts strict one-[[child]]-policy.
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• [[Mose]]s becomes shop-steward, begins campaign of direct action.
 
• [[Mose]]s becomes shop-steward, begins campaign of direct action.
 
   
 
• [[Union]]-violence condemned following [[death]] of Egyptian first-born.
 
• [[Union]]-violence condemned following [[death]] of Egyptian first-born.
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• Angry God placated with ornate gift box in which to keep His handicrafts.
 
• Angry God placated with ornate gift box in which to keep His handicrafts.
[[Image:vulture sandwich.jpg|right|thumb|Vulture chick meat is more tender but still forbidden.]]
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[[Image:vulture sandwich.jpg|right|thumb|Vulture chick meat is tender but still forbidden.]]
   
 
==Leviticus.==
 
==Leviticus.==
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[[Image:donkey_shrek_large.jpg|right|thumb|Insert Ass joke here.]]
 
[[Image:donkey_shrek_large.jpg|right|thumb|Insert Ass joke here.]]
   
• Israelites back out of attack on Canaanites, opting for a forty year break in Sinai.
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• Israelites back out of attack on Canaanites, opting for a forty year camping trip in Sinai.
   
 
• Bored, angry God sends [[plague]], seems surprised when people lose faith.
 
• Bored, angry God sends [[plague]], seems surprised when people lose faith.

Latest revision as of 18:55, June 18, 2009

“The Holy Bible: more than just a mediocre Manic Street Preachers album, it seems ”
~ Billy Graham on Rock music.
“The best three for one offer since My Father, Myself and My Holy Ghost”
~ Jesus on The publishing of 'Totally Torah : Exodus,Leviticus and Numbers'.

edit Exodus

• Israelites take leisurely Egyptian break despite incomplete pyramid resort.

Pharaoh adopts strict one-child-policy.

Dingo-abducted baby mysteriously found in River Nile.


Moses-Parts-the-Red-Sea
Moses was lucky to escape the attack of the Egyptian octopus corps.
ArkofCovenant
God's ire was placated when the Israelites created a display-case in which to show his carvings.

Moses shoots passer-by in mall-rampage.

• Hides out at desert safe-house.

Crack-binge causes hallucinations of burning bushes and land flowing with milk and honey.


• Pharaoh rejects unionised labour on new pyramid project.

Moses becomes shop-steward, begins campaign of direct action.

Union-violence condemned following death of Egyptian first-born.


• Israelites flee.

• Egyptian army fail to learn lessons from life-guard training.

• Israelites enjoy protracted team-building exercise in Sinai Desert.


God gives Israelites deeds to Canaan along with 10-point instruction manual.

• Israelites take unhealthy interest in Livestock.

• Angry God placated with ornate gift box in which to keep His handicrafts.

Vulture sandwich
Vulture chick meat is tender but still forbidden.

edit Leviticus.

• Protracted negotiations on lease of Canaan.

• Aaron and sons anointed priests. Sons die after playing with matches.

• Don’t eat pigs; oysters dodgy; best avoid vultures.

edit Numbers

Donkey shrek large
Insert Ass joke here.

• Israelites back out of attack on Canaanites, opting for a forty year camping trip in Sinai.

• Bored, angry God sends plague, seems surprised when people lose faith.

• Moses’ conjuring tricks distract the unfaithful.


• Conquest of Canaan proves to be little more than talking out of Balaam's ass.

• Local hookers induce Israelite men into playing Baal.

Coup d'etat places Joshua at head of military junta.

edit Bonus Track.

Deuteronomy Doo-wop.


edit See Also

Totally Torah: Genesis

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