Torpedophile

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Torpedo
Torpedophile at work

Torpedophiles are members of a select group of Navymen, who, throughout their time with the Navy, begin a relationship with the torpedoes onboard the vessel.

edit History of Torpedophilism

Though many cases of Torpedophilism was reported during the 1800s, it wasn't until WWII that many Navy personnel's affiliations with Torpedoes started to get attention. During WWII the young men of the ocean were trapped alone for long periods of time with absolutely no sexual interaction. Many seamen became entranced by the power of the Torpedo, taking to their sleek designs and feasting upon them as if they were forbidden fruit.

Men that were found out to be torpedophiles were dismissed by Navy officials until 1998; when torpedophile activist Ian Thorpe took his case to the supreme court. This was a landmark decision by the courts, allowing torpedophiles to satisfy themselves on their well-rounded partners without the fear of being reprimanded, and thus, legalizing torpedo marriage.

Whiteheadoly
Torpedoes aren't opposed to more than one partner

edit Stigma

Despite torpedophiles being allowed to practise, there is still a certain stigma that surrounds them. They are often ridiculed by their peers on the warships, leading to the setup of many torpedophile societies; where known torpedophiles can ridicule those that are not part of their fraternity.

Tattooing has also become a fashion among torpedophiles, inking their favourite model torpedo on their arms or buttocks. Popular models are the mk46 and the VA-111 Shkval

edit Statistics

Torpedo-1
A favorable model among Torpedophiles

After many surveys, the U.S Navy has concluded that one in three Navymen have torpedophilic tendencies. Such high numbers in torpedophiles is worrisome among the more selfish wives of men who are out at sea, who want to remain the only object of their husbands affection. Luckily, most Navy men are chuffers, so they do not have wives.

It is more likely for commanding officers to be drawn into the torpedophillic world.

143 men per year, die after suffering injuries from sexual activities with torpedoes. Including being crushed or worse; the torpedo being fired whilst a man and torpedo are in the middle of activity.

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