Torchic
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| Torchic | |
|---|---|
| Japanese name | Achamo |
| Stage | 666 |
| Evolves from | Nada!! |
| Evolves to | Errr...what? |
| Species | Chick |
| Type | Fire |
| Height | arm length |
| Weight | 15 lb full of pennies |
| Ability | destructive arsonist |
| Next Pokémon | Spiritomb |
| Previous Pokémon | Piplup |
Torchic is probably a highly destructive (and extremely sadistic) Pokemon who wants to burn everything in sight. The creature may look cute, but in reality, this Pokemon is highly violent, destructive, and dangerous. They can be only be found in the African Savannahs and are currently on the endangered species list (because of this, no one in this world are allowed to kill Torchic. Therefore this pokemon can freely destroy every city without any force). In fact, there are currently 48 Torchics in the world. Torchic is known to set cities, people, noobs, and forests on fire and sending them to hell. How and when the Torchics appeared is unknown, but the earliest sighting of this creature was probably during the time where peasants and nobles live in crappy castles and paladins try and kill Torchics for fun of endearment. Currently, the government of Zimbabwe, ordered by Robert Mugabe wants their citizens to track down and capture this destructive critter in exchange for 5 million Zimbabwe dollars (which probably would worth equal to $3.40. Not that valuable but Mugabe might use it for WORLD DOMINATION).
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[edit] Torchic activities
Torchic has been known for several mischievous and destructive activities:
- setting random things on fire with the beak.
- forest fires in California
- destroying an entire city with no survivors
- doing crack
- responsible for the ice caps melting and global warming
- kissing you and then setting you on fire.
- causing volcanic eruption at Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines.
- causing fusestoppers explode
[edit] How to handle the Torchic
The CIA and FBI have documented several attacks by Torchics in U.S. grounds, most recently, the Minneapolis Bridge. Most of Torchic's attacks are forest fires, but there have incidences where they are responsible for many droughts, tornadoes, hurricanes, and disease, especially the Dust Bowl and the Great Chicago Fire. According the fire department, if it happens that someone come across a Torchic, that person should immediately run away from that little bird and scream like little sissies. Otherwise, if that person happens to get close to the Torchic, s/he is pretty much screwed. The fire department also warn you that the cuteness of the chick can cause you to come closer to this beast and putting yourself in a vulnerable position of being burniated, but for some reason no one can resist the cuteness. Of all 10,000 people who can across the Torchic, 95% of them burned to ashes because their instincts tell them to come close to the Torchic and put themselves in a vulnerable position of being burniated. Also, it is highly not recommended to douse a bucket of water onto the Torchic, as the Torchic may explode and destroy everything about the size of Texas.
[edit] Torchic listed as WMD
On June 6th, 2006, the current president of the United States, George W. Bush, had marked Torchic as a WMD. One reason is that we all know that Torchic can look deceiving due to its cuteness and we all know that Torchic is highly violent. Another reason is several dictators like Fidel Castro, Robert Mugabe, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Oscar Wilde, and Kim Jong Il wants to grab hands on this Pokemon and use it for MASSIVE WORLD DESTRUCTION AND DOMINATION!!! It has been known that Bashar al-Assad, the current Supreme Chairman of Syria, has one in his very own hands and will use it against anyone who attempts to attack the country and steal the oil.
Recently, in July 31st, 2007, Congress and the Republican Party had passed the Anti-Torchic Ownership and Weapons Act 2+2=5. It states that anyone who owns a Torchic will be forced to eat 1,000 lb. of pork in 15 minutes or have to bathe in a hot water tub at (500 degrees Celsius). Those who don't comply would probably get decapitated. The act also calls for people to kill any Torchic in sight (which doesn't make sense because they CAN'T be killed). In addition, anyone who owns a Torchic is marked as a terrorist Apparently, since Torchics are endangered and no one owns one in the United States (except May), no one is going to be forced to eat lots of pork for having to bathe in inferno water, so this act is pretty much useless. However, the United Nations has condemned this act because this creature is in the endangered species list.
[edit] Current owners of Torchic
Currently, there are only 4 people who own a Torchic: the current Supreme Chairman of Syria, May, the Abominable Snowman, and Tom Cruise. However, since the latest act passed by Congress, May is now marked as a terrorist and she was forced to leave Hawaii and fled to Iran (that May is really a pod person). Apparently, that doesn't matter now, but for some reason, Tom Cruise wasn't marked as a terrorist (did he bribed the Congress or something or used his Scientology mind control?). By doing the math here, there are exactly 45 wild Torchics left in this planet. Anyone who manages to get a hold of a Torchic would be make everyone fear that person because we all already know that Torchics are aggressive.
For what I heard of, Hugo Chavez is about to get a Torchic as a birthday present(boy is he in for a burning surprise).
[edit] CAUTION for Torchic
- It may contain a bird flu.
- Go to Arctic Circle or New York City -- A splode just a bit...
- You may use Torchic and you have Chickenpox fires.
- ...and your mom consult this.
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