Top 10 Video Game Secrets Of All Time
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We all know what a video game is, right? If you don't you really should check out this article on how to kill yourself. With that being said, video-game lovers not only love a great video-game, but they love great video-game secrets. Secrets such as codes, hidden levels, secret items, tips to help them cheat, and of course... sprite-based nudity!!!
So here at Uncyclopedia, we thought we would showcase the top ten best hidden gems tucked away in the history of video games.
edit #10 Golden Eye (N64)
- Play as All Bonds
Kicking off the list is the classic shooter that revolutionized the Nintendo 64 from looking like cow shit and only being half as useful. Golden Eye was the bomb in it's day, inspiring just about every frigging game the PlayStation 3 would release in later years. But one mystery laid on the tip of everyones tongue, and that was how to play as all previous incarnations of James Bond in multi-player mode?
The code was simple, but not easy to achieve. The way you obtain this cheat is to simply find a Youtube video showing the uploaded playing the game as all bonds, input into the comment section your desire to know how it's achieved, then sit back and wait for years for a reply.
It's that simple!
edit #9 Daytona USA (Sega Saturn)
Daytona USA is one of the longest living arcade machines of all time, since it was first created in 1994, it is still found in arcades all around the world this very day. However, what the arcade version does not include is the pure greatness of the hidden Chase-HQ re-vamp called "Bronco Buster".
To access this mode, you will need to come first place in Beginner, Advanced, and Expert... then walk away from the machine leaving a white glove behind. When you return to the machine next, pour orange juice on the gearbox and enter the initials NGM ("Naked Gun Man")
edit #8 Street Fighter II: Bum-Fuck Edition (X-Box)
- Hidden Fatalities
Many people really wanted Street Fighter II to take a page from from the Mortal Kombat series and add fatalities. In SFII:Bum-Fuck Edition, they did just that. Giving each of the 123 characters a special finishing move to destroy their opponents with.
Seen pictured here is RYU's "Show-Ryu-Up-Your-Ass-Ken" demonstrated inside E.Hondas ass. Ryu will throw a dragon-punch up the ass of his opponent, causing the victim to lose all control of their bowels and hence die of internal and external bleeding. Other moves included Blanka raping the chickens from Chun Li's stage, and Ken driving the car from the bonus stage several times over his opponents pet cat, proving the theory that the more times you run over a cat... the flatter it gets.
edit #7 WWF: Wrestlemania (arcade)
Seeing as how this game was so closely related to Mortal Kombat, the characters of this game had some bloody finishers of their own.
To execute one of these moves, you must get your opponent in a grapple, offer Satan your left testicle (do this prior to playing the game) and chant the words, "I wanna be a Hulkamaniac & rip the hearts out of my family & friends"
Or if you already sold your left testicle to Crapcom to access the SFII fatalities, you could simply just cut both your wrists and let it pour into the coin-slot. This gives you about 12 seconds to live, but hence worth it when you see your characters fatality, and for your own death you get an extra 20,000 points and a high-score.
Don't bother offering your right testicle, it just gets you a yearly subscription to Game Pro magazine.
edit #6 Zynga Texas Hold 'em Poker (online)
- Kill that smirky bitch faced dealer
Anyone who has played this online poker game via Facebook or Myspace knows just how annoying it gets when you are losing and that fucking dealer is taunting you with that shit eating smirk on her face. Well, be aggravated by her no more because we have the ultimate tip for you.
All you need to do is reach level 1000, this allows you to buy new items in the gift shop such as, a hunting knife, a shotgun, a grenade, an ak47, a replica of Hitler's missing testicle, a nuclear warhead, and for all you sci-fi geeks, a Lightsabre.
These items are to be used on the dealer, and you can now enjoy hours of fun killing that smirky-faced wise assed bitch... that will teach her to wear the exact same clothing for the past 36 months.
edit #5 Back To The Future (Commodore 64)
- Major Paradox
Ah yes, the famous Back to the Future game for the C64 contained one of the most awesome hidden tricks in history. Being that it was the early days of computers, system crashes where out of the question until Windows came along, so the best version of a "major paradox" Crapcom could come up with, was to have the Time Machine grow bigger wheels and look weird, while Marty McFly changed into a nigger!
This awesome cheat is done by simply installing a flux capacitor (find one on Ebay) to your Commodore 64 and then just load the game, and instead of escorting your mother to the dance and not letting her kiss you, simply take her to the mall instead, and type in the command "finger fuck Lorraine"
edit #4 Moonwalker (Sega Genesis)
Probably the most perverted but accurate cheat of all time. In the Micheal Jackson video game, "Moonwalker" there is a few hidden menu screens and game over screens.
To access these, go to the option menu and use the password "Michael Jackson's Jesus Juice", then when you reach the title screen again, you will see a picture of MJ with Macaulay Culkin, and various other shocking images on the game over screen... press the pause button during gameplay to make MJ blow his load all over his chimp, Bubbles.
There is also a hidden level you can access by using the same cheat, in between each level you get a bonus stage where you have to quickly fiddle with children on rides at Neverland while the parents are not watching. 20 Points per kid, minus 20 per midget.
edit #3 GTA San Andreas (PlayStation II)
- Hot Coffee
This is one of the most popular secrets in video-game history, the famous "Hot Coffee" controversy of the Grand Theft Auto series. This cheat was removed from second versions of the game due to "Star Bucks" suing Rockstar Games for having no right to sell coffee for under 6 bucks.
To access this trick, walk into any coffee shop located in San Andreas. Order a coffee for $1.50 and follow the instructions displaying on the left side of the screen. For those who have version 2 of the game, you will not be able to do this trick, as it was removed and replaced with medicated-goats-piss-mouth wash which can be accessed to gargle in any public restroom around San Andreas.
edit #2 Mortal Kombat II (Atari 2800)
In it's time, no one could wait to get a home console version of the Acclaim smash hit, "Mortal Kombat II", and why wouldn't they when their was a hidden "Nudality" finisher amongst the midst.
To access the Nudalities, all you need to do is kick 3 shades of shit out of your opponent until they are done, when the word "Finish Him" appears, all you need to do is press ↨↔↓→↑←►◄○☻♂ then fart at the same time you finish the combination.
(NOTE: The computer will know if you faked the fart by using your mouth, it has to be a real one)
edit #1 NBA JAM: (Arcade)
- Hidden Player: Michael Jordan
In the arcade classic NBA JAM you probably didn't know you could play as the greatest player the sport has ever seen. This revolutionary game (if you don't include Arch Rivals) started a whole new trend of both kids and adults pumping their quarters into this officially licensed NBA game. But what used to piss people off was that it did not include his highness Michael Jordan.
Many rumors surfaced on the internet years later that NBA JAM had a limited edition release that contained both MJ and Gary Payton, but we can confirm that is just a load of Chicago bullshit, because MJ has been in the game all along!
- Note - Will not work on MAME or any other arcade ROM emulating machine. Why? Because you can't insert real money into a computer, DUH!