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Tony Robinson (born 15 August 1846) is a world famous archaeologist, TV presenter and British Labour Party politician. He is the current mayor of Bristol after a successful coup that ousted the ruling aristocratic Liberal Democrat politician Prince Isambard XXII from his hereditary position.
edit Early Life
Born into a Victorian slum in London in 1846 to a family of communists, he strove for a revolutionary overthrow of the state. For that reason he went on to become a celebrity archaeologist and actor, joining the Labour Party when it was founded in 1900.
Robinson had 9 siblings, all of them gnome people. His sisters have beards and approximately half of them are members of the British National Party. His sister Bernard had an affair with Nick Griffin and gave birth to a brood of evil gnome children. The rest of the family, including his 300 year-old working class parents, are members of the Communist Party.
Tony's early life was dogged by trouble as his short stature made it impossible for him to find work to supplement his parents' poverty wages. Eventually he ran off to join the circus as part of a troupe of midgets and saved up enough money on the side to be an amateur archaeologist. He soon found he could not return home to his parents' slum dwelling as they had been sent to prison as punishment for being poor and the family hovel had been repossessed. The so-called house was owned by the council for around 80 years, undergoing minor structural work in 1903, before being sold to an immigrant family under the Evil Old Cow's right to buy scheme in the 1980s. The same family now fit 18 Polish Muslims into the house and was recently subjected to an exposé by the fascist Daily Heil.
edit Celebrity Career
His first big break came when he starred in the BBC reality TV show Blackadder alongside future Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams. It was during this time that his discovery of Noah's Ark just outside Bangor made him a world leading archaeologist.
edit Political Career
International stardom was not enough for Robinson, however, as he wanted to consolidate political power to make up for an unhappy childhood and his short stature. He was elected to the Central Committee of the Labour Party, a post that he continued to hold until New Labour came to power and purged the Marxist 'Old Labour' faction led by the Stalinist Tony Benn that Robinson was associated with from all positions of power within the party. New Labour's major difference with Old Labour was that they believed that the revolution would only be achieved by aping the Conservative Party whereas the mad demagogue Tony Benn was a Marxist who conspired with Sinn Fein to kill the Royal Family.
The Bristol Coup of 2001 was the world's most recent socialist revolution. It came to pass when Tony Robinson led the Labour Party to a crushing victory over Prince Isambard XXII in local elections in Bristol that ended the rule of the Isambardists in Bristol and destroyed their strategic advantage of having a client state in the West Country. As Mayor of Bristol, Robinson has spent most of his time concentrating on other things such as being a presenter on Time Team. He is a critical ally of Prime Minister Gordon Brown, supporting his coronation as party leader whilst advocating a more radical foreign policy supporting the socialist revolution in Latin America led by Hugo Chavez and Princess Diana which Tony Robinson believes to be the reemergence of the archaeologically significant Mayan and Inca civilizations expressing their racial supremacy in the Americas.
Many museums in Bristol have been established to house the multitude of archaeological finds made by Robinson when he is not working as mayor. Despite this, Robinson is renowned as a hard working politician as he only claims 304 days of paid holiday each year, the lowest of any British politician and significantly less than his predecessor of the Isambard Dynasty who claimed 365 days of paid holiday each year, most of which was spent in his Georgian mansion or out of the country in his ancestral homeland of the Isambard Kingdom of Brunel near Luxembourg.
Robinson appointed most of the cast and crew of Time Team to his administration in Bristol, proclaiming it the Socialist World Capitol of Archaeology. To this day only North Korea and Cuba have formally recognised this although it is an official policy of the Labour Party and is supported by the far-left Conservative Party locally, who rule as part of Robinson's coalition government, and are somewhat aloof from the mainstream Thatcherite-Fascist axis that dominates mainstream politics.