Tony Ahn

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This article is about the writer and entrepreneur Tony Ahn. For the South Korean singer, see Tony An.
Tony Ahn
Tony Ahn 1.png
Born James Anthony Hellmann
Residence Makati, Metro Manila
Nationality American
Alma mater Western Washington University
Pennsylvania State University
Occupation Bullshit artist
Home town Seattle
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Tony Ahn.

Ji Gwang "Tony" Ahn (Hangul: 안지광; hanja: 安智光; cyrillic: (not Russian) Turkish: (likes turkey) born James Anthony Hellmann in 1975 (mother called him "Never Again" until conceiving his sister "Dammit" in 1979) ; known as Tony Hellmann or "shithead" until a 2009 change of legal name, now commonly known as Tony Ahn) is an expatriate American writer, slacktivist, digital public relations professional online bullshit artist, and entrepreneur opportunist permanently vacationing in the Philippines. He opened the first reputation management consultancy in the Philippines pays Filipino celebrities chump change to make his clients famous by talking about them on Twitter and Facebook.

edit Career

After graduate school, Ahn moved to Seattle and worked as a psychotherapist. He got tired of social work and got a job as an Assistant Manager of a Starbucks, which paid twice as much, but wanted to be in charge of more square footage, so eventually got hired at Target, which he felt was more gentrified, especially since he thinks the French pseudo-pronunciation is the correct one.

edit Technomancer Press

In 2004, Ahn co-founded Technomancer Press, a game publishing company that produced books for Dungeons and Dragons geeks. Technomancer Press received media attention after launching TerraDrive Live, a live action MMORPG, which was debuted at PAX 2007 in Seattle.[1] On June 1 Ahn began encouraging player generated content player psychosis by launching a wiki to allow users to help flesh out the TerraDrive universe their craziness[1] allowing the community to create factions, write backstory, and develop characters, which they could then role-play themselves during the live-action portion of the game at PAX,[1][2] thereby humiliating themselves for all to see.

edit South Korea

TonyAn IG

Ahn after his plastic surgery, before getting it reversed. Way cuter. He should have stayed that way.

In 2007 Ahn moved to South Korea as a communications consultant for the Republic of Korea Air Force., deciding at that time to become a K pop singer, undergoing plastic surgery and taking dance lessons. He never got any singing lessons though, since competent vocals are not required in K pop.

In June 2008 he underwent a Buddhist initiation ritual at a temple in Jinju, South Korea. While in training for the ritual, he wa given the nickname "Asshopper" and told by his blind master "When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to lea--Hey! Where are you going?" Part of the ritual involved him picking up an iron cauldron with a tiger emblazoned on one side and a dragon on the other, which would be branded on his forearms. He said "Fuck that!" At the end of the ceremony he given the Buddhist name "Ji Gwang" (meaning "talks too much.").

edit Philippines

After a successful career as a K pop singer, Ahn had his plastic surgery reversed after moving to Manila, as white people are revered in Filipino society. He opened the Philippines first reputation management consultancy, as Filipinos generally have poor reputations, but eventually moved into digital public relations, and now charges exorbitant rates to help corporations undergoing crises escape responsibility for the terrible things they've done. In 2013, Ahn again landed in controversy when The Daily Dot reported that Ahn's agency sold Wikipedia articles to clients and placed clients' articles on the Wikipedia main page. In the discussion of these practices, Wikipedia cofounder Jimbo Wales called Ahn's actions a "disgrace to Wikipedia",[3][4] which resulted in Ahn's agency receiving additional exposure, causing it to pick up a bunch of new clients that don't care what Jimmy Wales thinks.

Several months later, the press reported that Ahn's social media services included brokering celebrity social media posts endorsing his clients' products.[5][6]

edit Volunteer work

Ahn has consulted pro bono for the Armed Forces of the Philippines mostly because having Army buddies lessens the likelihood that he'll get beat up. He was involved in disaster relief efforts after several typhoons (but only the parts of the disaster that he caused).

edit Personal life

Diaper patrol

Crimefighting doesn't leave time for bathroom breaks.

Ahn is actively pursuing Filipino citizenship, as no other country will have him.

edit "Diaper Patrol"

In January 2015, Philippine TV stations and newspapers all reported on photos Ahn captured during Pope Francis' visit to the Philippines. While en route to the papal appearance, Ahn noticed men in police shirts and adult diapers standing together, monitoring the crowd, while a man with a video camera and a T-shirt with a popular TV station logo videotaped them.[7][8][9][10][11][12] Ahn shit himself laughing and was sorry he didn't have a diaper himself.[7]

edit Bataan Death March

In 2015, over Christmas, Ahn solo-hiked the 112 km Bataan Death March, eating only one cup of rice and drinking one liter of water per day, in order to raise awareness that Filipinos had also been involved in the march.[13] Asked why he chose to restrict his food and water intake, Ahn was quoted as saying "The marchers all had to eat a shit sandwich. I just wanted a bite to know a bit about what it was like." This was his first admission to the press that he likes to eat shit, and may be the real reason he is interested in adult diapers.

edit References

  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 TerraDrive to Launch at PAX. ICV2 (May 17, 2007). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  2. Massive live-action role-playing game set on record attempt at PAX. Ars Technica (August 14, 2007). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  3. Is Wikipedia's Main Page for Sale?. The Daily Dot (June 8, 2013). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  4. Meet the man who will write your brand's Wikipedia page. Mumbrella Asia (May 2014). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  5. Tony Ahn & Co. launches StarNet micro endorsement platform. Marketing Magazine (July 2, 2014). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  6. PR man Tony Ahn on the merits, ethics and effectiveness of sponsored celebrity tweeting. Mumbrella Asia (June 2014). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  7. 7.0 7.1 PNP slams 'social experiment' on diaper-wearing cops. ABS CBN (January 20, 2015). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  8. Project Awesome says sorry for 'cops in diapers experiment'. ABS CBN (January 23, 2015). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  9. Diaper 'cops' video rankles police, public. Philippine Daily Inquirer (January 21, 2015). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  10. PNP disappointed with viral photos of cops in diapers. Philippine Canadian Inquirer (January 21, 2015). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  11. PNP dismayed by viral photos of cops wearing diapers. Philippine Star (January 21, 2015). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  12. PNP frowns on 'diaper cops'. GMA News (January 21, 2015). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
  13. American walks Bataan Death March to raise awareness of Philippine involvement. Stars & Stripes (January 20, 2016). Retrieved on December 4, 2016.
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