Tony Abbott

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Tony Abbott

Abbott, during a candidates' debate, had a facial expression that warned the ladies not to give him any "guff."

Anthony John James Janis Joplin "Tony" Abbott (born 4 November 1957) is the 28th and current Prime Minister of Australia. He has been Leader of the "Liberal" Party since 2009, and the Member of Parliament for Warringahlaningong since 1994. Most notable in his personal traits is his distaste for every minority imaginable, this includes: Racial minorities, gay people, aboriginals and women in general. If you are anything but a white heterosexual male, he doesn't think highly of you.

Tony Abbott is the current corporate puppet controlling Australia, as proven by the fact he wishes to destroy everything Australian, all in the name of pleasing his corporate masters, he in fact rivals with Fulgencio Batista in this respect.


Abbott was born in London, New Jersey and immigrated to Australia with his family, and two stray cats that found their way into the luggage, in 1960.

During his high school years, Abbott was a very successful paper boy, winning the coveted Young News Deliverers' award for three years in a row.

Prior to entering Parliament, Abbott studied for a Bachelor of Economics and a Bachelor of Laws at the University of Sydney. However, he dropped out in favour of stripping women of their rights.


Abbott was first appointed to the Cabinet in 1998 under the Howard Government as Minister for Employment, Workplace Relations and Small Mindedness. In 2003, he became Minister for Misogyny, a role that actually held no real power, and was meant to keep him distracted while the grown-ups were working.

Eventually, Abbott managed to escape the playpen, and decided he was old enough to be a serious politician. He succeeded in getting a proper seat in parliament in the 2010 election, as discerning voters all happened to be on holiday in New Zealand at the time.

In August of 2013, Abbott ousted Julia Gillard, Prime Minister at the time. He made the persuasive argument: "Just look at her — she's a woman, for Chrissakes!" He then seized parliament and took over. Australia has been shrouded in darkness ever since, and only by throwing the one ring into the house of parliament will the curse be lifted.

Political Policy

I'll stop the boats!

One major election promise made by Abbott, was to stop boat people arriving in Australia. This promise was made irrespective of the fact, most illegal immigrants simply arrive by plane on tourist Visas and then don't actually go back home. Of course, since this is the only issue the politicians have been carrying on about for the past decade it naturally helped Abbott obtain extra votes in the election.

It has since been noted that more boats have been arriving and that Abbott has simply tried his best not to tell anyone, No really.

Climate change is absolute crap

This was said in real life! Giving the big polluters and the miners the green light to go back to unregulated and untaxed destruction of the Australian environment all because he doesn't believe in a science which is by this point about as pointless to deny as the existence of gravity.

See also

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