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Anthony John James Janis Joplin "Tony" Abbott (born 4 November 1957) is the 28th and current Prime Minister of Australia. He has been Leader of the "Liberal" Party since 2009, and the Member of Parliament for Warringahlaningong since 1994.
Abbott was born in London, New Jersey and immigrated to Australia with his family and two stray cats, that found their way into the Abbotts' luggage, in 1960.
During his high school years Abbott was a very successful paper boy, winning the coveted Young News Delivers' award for three years in a row.
Prior to entering Parliament, Abbott studied for a Bachelor of Economics and a Bachelor of Laws at the University of Sydney however he dropped out in favour of stripping women of their rights. Abbott was first appointed to the Cabinet in 1998 under the Howard Government, by a man with no sense, as Minister for Employment, Workplace Relations and Small Mindedness.
In 2003, he became Minister for Misogyny, a role invented specifically for him, that actually held no real power, and was meant to keep him distracted while the grown-ups were working.
Eventually Abbott managed to escape the playpen, and decided he was old enough to be a serious politician. He succeeded in getting a proper seat in parliament in the 2010 election, because the intelligent voters all happened to be on holiday in New Zealand at the time.
In August of this year, Abbott managed to oust Julia Gillard, Prime Minister at the time, with his repulsive attitude towards women. He then seized parliament and took over. Australia has been shrouded in darkness ever since, and only by throwing the one ring into the house of parliament will the curse be lifted.