Tommy Vercetti

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Tommy Vercetti is a mythical superhero who can kill a mass number of people, steal innumerable amount of vehicles, do all kinds of shit and ALWAYS get away with it. He manages to perform these feats using his mad skills, traitorous friends, gamepads/keyboards and a face that gave Charles Darwin some weird ideas about human evolution.

edit Mad Skills

Among Tommy Vercetti's mentionable mad skills are his unbelievably fast sprinting speed, super-human strength, reckless driving skills, mastery in disguise, surviving 2 million feet falls, hiding an infinite number of weapons in thin air, etc. Tommy Vercetti's Super-human strength grants him the ability to run with mini-guns and kill anyone with two or three punches. Experts have a reason to believe that this strength is what makes punching-random-citizens his favorite past-time.

Tommy Vercetti's reckless driving skills are apparent when he starts driving any vehicle of any type that he lays sight on. His driving is so reckless that when he is breaking lamp-posts/side-rails/anything of value, the police overlooks the fact, thinking "At least, he did not run over a person or hit a police car". In some cases, the police also overlook some hit-and-run thinking "Well, it was just one guy. Not a dozen." Hence these actions do not earn him a wanted star.

However, when his recklessness does merit him some attention from the authorities and he earns a couple of wanted stars, his mastery in disguise comes into play. He can literally fool all the policemen in the whole city by just repainting his car or changing his shirt. Although, his primitive monkey-like overly protruding lips and pixelated face remains the same, the policemen have a hard time recognizing him due to his mastery in disguise.

His reckless driving also extends to reckless flying. He often uses an airplane or helicopter to reach his destination, but due to his recklessness, he feels no need to land them. He rather hovers over his destination and jumps out, making the aircraft unreasonably shut down and compete with him to reach the ground first. Sadly, the vehicle does not make it to the ground safely while Tommy Vercetti does with only a somersault.

When punching people and running them over is just not enough, Tommy Vercetti summons weapons out of thin air to start shooting these random people. He has been seen countless times to grab a chainsaw or a mini-gun from the pockets of his trademark Hawaiian shirt. Since that shirt does not contain a pocket, big enough to store either of them, he clearly does it from mid-air. Sometimes, when the air-weaponidity[1] is too low, he often resorts to random texts like "Nutter tools" and "Professional Tools" to aid him in grabbing a weapon from out of nowhere. Due to such convenience and ease of summoning and vanishing weapons, shooting random citizens without cause became his second favorite hobby (first being punching people as mentioned earlier).

When Tommy Vercetti is having a bad day, he might get killed in a firefight after withstanding a whole armory full of bullets, in which case, he would be resurrected in front of the nearest hospital with low air-weaponidity.[2] This is one of his secrets of being able to be such a big badass; since death is not the end of him, he does not fear it, rather he embraces it.

Tommy's athletic abilities are nothing short of remarkable; He is an extremely fast sprinter, he could outrun an Olympian, and he uses his uncanny speed to escape when situations get too intense. On top of that, he can fall down from heights of a skyscraper, then land onto his feet, collapsing into a front roll, then just gets right back up like it is nothing!

edit Traitorous Friends

A man can hardly do much on his own without the kind and loving support of GOOD friends. But Tommy Vercetti can do a LOT without them. Therefore, he chooses to have the hard and traitorous support of bad friends instead. Notable examples are his blood-sucking, cowardly lawyer (all lawyers are blood-suckers, no question about it), Lance Vance Dance Trance Prance Beyonce[3] and some groups of idly standing around gang members.

Both his Lawyer and Lance are always there to get into trouble, waiting for Tommy Vercetti to risk his life to save them. And Lance repays him in kind by teaming up with his arch rival[4].

His gang members, known as "Vercetti Gang" stands around in group, uselessly wearing Hawaiian shirts and not coming to aid while Vercetti is under attack. However, they provide a suitable and steady source of ammunition, since Vercetti can always count on them to drop some weapons through death, without fighting back, when air-weaponidity is low. They can also act as a mobile cover when Vercetti in under fire, in which case, they WILL fight back the enemies of Vercetti.

edit Weaknesses

Like every other man, Tommy Vercetti has his share of weaknesses too, and we are not talking about his ape-like face[5]. Despite having enough strength to kill a person through a few punches and setting a car on fire through lots of punches, he cannot flip an upturned car. And as everyone knows, an upturned car means a car that is going to catch fire within a few seconds and explode soon. Therefore, his only option remains in situations like this are to run faster than a speeding bike[6]. Although, he can survive a nuclear bomb explosion right under his balls, he somehow cannot survive an upturned vehicle explosion, if he is inside it. But that hardly matters since he can always get resurrected.

Because of his ape-like appearance, he also fails to bag many girls. The only one who seemed to be the closest to be attracted to him is Mercedes. However, she also refuses to lay with him, just like the strippers and whores, who would get in the car, play around with the car's hydraulics and get out after giving him a bonus to bullet withstanding abilities.

Tommy Vercetti can run continuously without tiring. He can sprint for a short time, faster than a speeding bike. He can sprint infinitely too, after carrying out some dubious tasks or getting a second edition copy of Vice City. This aids him greatly in his quest to get anywhere he wants. When running just is not enough, he can punch some guys in the face and hijack their vehicle to get to wherever he wants. In short, he is completely mobile and can go anywhere... ALMOST. For a guy who can perform such great feats, including driving cars on water, he cannot swim. And to top it off, he cannot hold his breath for longer than 3 seconds. But it is understandable, since between learning to drive all vehicles, summoning weapons out of nowhere, surviving infinite height falls and killing people in two hits, he could not manage time for swimming lessons.

edit Footnotes

  1. Humidity of weapons in air
  2. He can't summon weapons as easily once he dies. But that does not matter since he can always punch people).
  3. Yes it's a name and not a nursery rhyme
  4. Sonny, who somehow looks like a fatter and older version of Tommy Vercetti
  5. Don't get us wrong, it is one of his weaknesses too
  6. Which he can indeed do
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