From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is being considered for deletion in accordance with Uncyclopedia's deletion policy.|
Ronaldo Charlton "Ron" Weasley (March 1, 1980 - May 26, 3098) was the drummer for the classical rock band 'The Gryffindor Binge Drinkers'. Regarded as the stupid, ugly, unimportant guy who nobody cares about, much like other drummers, Ron vowed to break the trend of useless drummers...and failed miserably, to such an extent that he was banned from HIS OWN GIGS! Lead singer of the drinkers, Harold Potter, said "That orange motherfucker can really suck my balls".
Ronald was born as the 6th child of Arthur and Molly Weasely. Just like everyone else in the family, he's A Ginger. Everywhere. He is part weasel too! Get it "Weasley"?
edit The Conflicts In The Wizarding World And Ron's Role In It (Actually, Ron's The Reason)
Ron's polyamorous marriage with his sister triggered a row of protests, led by Lord Voldemort and supported by Lucius Malfoy. These were the wizards who thought that the wizards should not be immoral. They thought that marrying one's sister was bad and immoral, which was of course wrong. Rest of the protesting wizards wanted the Sex Bomb called Ginny for themselves. (Licking Red Hairs - goes a poem by Snape.) But seeing that they would not get her, they joined the protests.
Marches were taken out to the Ministry, letters were written to the 'Daily Prophet', Ron's house was stoned and burned, but Ron did not relent. Support came in the form of Harry Potter, who was a former client of Hermione. He upheld Ron's right of marrying his sister. This angered the good guys, especially Lord Voldemort. When he decided to intensify the protests, Harry killed him, using his wooden stick and a freak lightning-shaped scar. This scared everyone and the protests died down. Actually, that was good as Harry did not have any more scars left.
edit Relationship with Harry
It's well known that Ron and Harry share a very close friendship, in a relationship that is often compared with that of George and Lennie from John Steinbeck's Of Mice And Men. Out of the two, Ron is shown to be the more cowardly - as frequently shown in the books, Ron often becomes terrified by even the slightest opposition, a fact made worse by his tendency of spontaneous urination. This even becomes an important plot point, as Harry must follow the trail of bodily fluids left behind after a shrieking Ron runs terrified from the sight of a cockroach and hid in the bushes surrounding Hogwarts.
There has been much speculation into how close Ron and Harry's relationship is, the idea that they are more than just good friends has been spoken about often. Rons frequent visits to Harry's room and possibly bed have been noticed on several occasions. But also his many visits to the headmasters office, which has mysteriously been sound proofed recently, suggest Harry may not be the only man for him.
Ron was murdered by an outraged Hermione, while he was frolicking with his older brother, Percy. Completely envious that Ron was spending time with him and not her, she shouted the incanation "Ronnikus Explodicus". Ron's head blow off, and many mourned at his small funeral held in his mother's basement (budget problems).
edit Future Work
He is currently signed up to appear in M. Night Shyamalan's musical remake of The Wizard of Oz Movie, due out 2010. He also has scheduled appearances on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and The Apprentice.
Ron's sexuality is a point of contention among fans. Though many claim that, while Ron and Harry hold a close relation, the two are merely friends. However, several scenes in the books dispute this theory. In the first book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Harry is shown late at night pleasuring himself while thinking of Ron. Later, in The Order of the Phoenix, the two share an extended makeout session in Chapters 17, 24 and 38. In the seventh book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Chapters 20-26 consist solely of various sexual interactions between Harry and Ron. Rumor has it that J.K. Rowling, in desperation to pad the final book, merely directly copied scenes from the thousands of fanfiction already written about the coupling of the two.
The National Association for the Advancement of Gingers (NAAG) reports that J.K Rowling's depiction of Ron Weasley in both Harry Potter movies and books portrays gingers in a negative light. Reddy McIrish, head of the NAAG, complains that, "The Harry Potter book series would lead elementary and junior high school students to believe that gingers are a shy, self conscious bunch, who automatically defer to, and seek the authority of, a more commonly hair colored best friend." The NAAG also claims that the book perpetuates the stereotype that gingers are clumsy, nervous, and poor; when only the last one is true.
|Characters||Hairy Potter · Ron Weasley · Albus Dumbledore · Severus Snape · Sirius Black · Luna Lovegood · Dobby · Lord Voldemort|
|Books||List of Harry Potter Books · J.K. Rowling · First Draft · Catholic Church Version · Worst 100 Harry Potter Spin-off Novel Series of All Time|
|Misc.||Ripoffs · Dumbledore's closet · Potter's Sexuality · Inevitable Musical (Sequel)|