Tom DeLonge (Cyberman)
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
- This article is about the cyberman from a parallel universe. For the talentless, emo, Axl Rose wannabe, see Tom Delonge.
|Doctor Who character|
"Your Friendly Neighbourhood Cyberman!"
|Affiliated with|| Blink 182|
Russell T Davies
|Home planet||Parallel Earth|
“He's not very good at being stealthy!”
“Awimboweh Awimboweh, Awimobweh Awimboweh...”
“He's so hot!”
“Ttthhhwwwwlllll arrrrthyyyygcchhhwllll yyyllll schhhllllogogochwyyrrrnnydd!”
“Greenday will be deleted!”
Tawmus "Tom" DeLonge, also known as "Your Friendly Neighbourhood Cyberman!", is a musician, actor and superhero from a parallel universe, best known for appearing as himself in the british reality series Doctor Who and its spinoffs. He is a Cyberman, but he feels emotions. He is often nicknamed "The Cyberman with a Soul" or "The Emo Cyberman"!
Tom DeLonge was born on the 13th of December, 1975, in Universe Pi Theta Sigma (Also known as "Pete's World"). His early life was very similar to that of the Tom DeLonge of our universe, with the key difference being that he wasn't quite as much of a twat. As a result, Blink 182 never disbanded in this alternate timeline and, more importantly, Angels and Airwaves never formed. This simple fact made this alternate world a much better place to live in than ours. Technology was more advanced, there were Zeppelins in the sky and people could download news and jokes directly into their brain!
One day, Blink 182 were in London as part of a UK tour. Travis and Mark were once again taking the piss out of Tom and his bizarre sexual fetishes, causing him to walk off in a huff. As he was walking down the street, ranting to himself, he was kidnapped by an old man named Mr Crane and forced to wear mind controlling earpods.
The last thing he was aware of before having his brain transplanted into a Cyber Suit, was a 4-armed machine with lasers, knives and circular saws cutting apart his human flesh, while the song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by Tight Fit was rather inappropriately playing in the background.
His voice was not significantly altered during the conversion process, as they felt his natural voice sounded enough like a malfunctioning robot as it is.
Life as a Cyberman
As a souless machine, Tom felt no remorse in killing any living thing. He was programmed to follow John Lumic's plans to forcefully convert or kill all humans. He, along with numerous other cybermen stormed the Tyler estate and rounded up the guests for a compulsory free upgrade to "Human.2". The Doctor was able to destroy the cybermen by deactivating all their emotional inhibitors, effectively giving them back their souls. Once all the converted humans realised what they had become, the shock caused their heads to literally explode!
But for some unknown reason, Tom DeLonge did not suffer the same fate. For some reason, he was able to adjust to the change of being just a brain in a cold, metal body. And, although he was shocked, he wasn't shocked enough to blow his own top.
After regaining his soul and emotions, Tom DeLonge reunited with his band mates. To reflect the fact that their guitarist was now a cyborg, the band changed their name to "Blink 182.2". Over the next 3 years, the band continued writing new material and released 2 new albums. Despite Toms robotic sense of humour, computerized vocals and bulky metallic fingers with limited mobility that prevented him from playing even the simplest of guitar chords, most fans hardly noticed a difference.
One night, Tom was innocently surfing the internet, when a popup, advertising the chance to win a free IPod, popped up. Tom minimized the window to carry on with what he was doing. After a while, however, curiosity got the better of him and, despite the advice of his band mates, he clicked the ad. Suddenly, he became under attack from a deadly computer virus, and since he could never be bothered to download updates for his built in Antivirus Software, it overwhelmed him.
The virus took control of him and caused him to go crazy. He went on a killing rampage, starting with his band mates. He eventually managed to fight it off and regain control, but by then he had already killed hundreds of people. He then realised that, although he could feel emotions, he was still a killing machine. Overwhelmed with guilt, he decided to go on a quest for redemption, but now that the military had been called out to destroy him, he knew he wouldn't survive long in this world. So he stole a dimension jump from Torchwood and followed the other 3 million cybermen into our world.
A New World
Materialising in an abandoned London warehouse, Tom looked outside and saw the skies swarming with daleks. With humans and cybermen being exterminated left, right and centre, his initial thoughts were "Woah! Fuck That!" So he stayed inside the warehouse, out of sight, to avoid extermination.
When The Doctor reversed the polarity of the breach, the cybermen and daleks (who were all outside) were sucked towards Canary Wharf, back into the void, but Tom (who was hiding in the warehouse) simply hit the ceiling. When the breach closed itself, he fell from the ceiling and hit the floor with a crash, sustaining minor damage.
Tom spent the next few months, using his cyber abilities for good. Since he didn't need to eat or sleep, he could patrol the streets 24/7, protecting the innocent and bringing criminals to justice. However, despite his body armour, sensors, built in weaponry and immortality, he was a pretty incompetent hero for 2 reasons:
1) He was incapable of running, so most criminals never found it that difficult to escape.
2) The mechanics of his legs and feet made it impossible for him to be stealthy, anyone could hear him coming a mile away.
His ineffectiveness as a hero depressed him even more. One day he was about ready to put an end to it all, when he received a visit from a man who claimed he could remove his weaknesses, and that man's name was Russell T Davies.
"Friendly Neighbourhood Cyberman"
|I'm a Cyberman with a Soul on a Mission of Redemption, I Help the Helpless, I'm Your Friendly Neighbourhood Cyberman!|
With the aid of a Welsh/English interpreter, Russell T Davies explained that the finest minds in Cardiff had developed a device he calls "The Lusterinn" (an anagram of "Silent Run") - A device that, when attached to each of a cyberman's legs, not only silences the noise they make, but also allows them to reliably work twice as fast, allowing the cyberman to march at running speed.
Davies said he will install a Lusterinn on each of Tom's legs for free, if he agrees to star as himself in a reality show, loosely based on his own life, set in Cardiff, called "Friendly Neighbourhood Cyberman". Tom agreed, but it turns out the abilities of the Lusterinn were exaggerated. While they did reduce the noise his legs make and increase his maximum speed A LITTLE, it wasn't enough to make him a competent hero. Nonetheless, Tom was contractually obliged to star in the series.The series was a ratings smash, however Davies has been accused of plagiarism, due to the shows concept being very similar to that of Angel. Davies has denied these accusations. He also claims that other apparent similarities, such as the evil law firm named "Wolfram and Dalek" and Dalek Caan's prophecy that the Cyberman with a Soul will play a major role in the apocalypse, are also purely coincidental.
The show ran for 13 episodes. The last of which was a crossover with Torchwood, in which Tom had sex with Martha Jones, causing her to somehow become rapidly pregnant and give birth to a half-human, half-cyberman hybrid called Connor. Connor was then instantly taken by the space-time rift between Gwen's teeth and returned within seconds, but from his point of view, 8 years had passed and now he wants to kill his father for no reason.
The episode ended with Connor being cryogenically frozen, while Tom and Jack shared an upside down kiss.
The kiss led to a wild night of rampant sex between the two, an encounter which cost Tom his life.