Toes
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“I hate my stubby fingers on my feet.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Toes
“Don't do drugs, children.”
~ Chuck Norris on Islam
Have you ever looked down at your feet and wondered how those little wiggly things managed to grow on something so smelly?
Well, there happens to be an explanation. For starters, the word toe is an acronym. It stands for Toe-tally Obscene Elien. 'Alien' was already taken, so I, erm, they used the letter 'e' to improve the name's originality, due to these puny Terran plagiarism laws.
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[edit] History of a Toe
In the early years of WW2 there was a major problem that a man deity named Vincent had noticed. This was the great unsolved mystery of how to prop up that short leg on your bed. Though originally made of cigarettes and copious amounts of macaroni and cheese, the original recipe was changed, due to congress passing a law banning things being made out of cigarettes during war. Vincent and his fellow comrades originally called these devices Towes. The towes were then made 14 times bigger and with Jew ashes and pine sap. This allowed them to be screwed directly onto the short leg of the bed. The toes are used to help you balance, but if you have bad balance already your balance can only impmrove if you cut them off so go for it. Once they are off stick them in some chili and sue McDonals. Or just train alean from alondoporticompia.
When the great war ended, soldiers brought these wonderful devices home to their wives, quite unaware of the strange reactions that would take place when in contact with foot skin and pantyhose. A strange chemical in pine sap, Tetratoenium, bonded with the element Water in the skin of the foot. This caused a volatile and dangerous chemical that is known to be cancerous. Now, the wives of these soldiers did not quite know what to think of these presents. So they used them to solve a problem of their own, filling that empty space in their shoes. As they began stuffing their shoes, women noticed odd lumps beginning to attach themselves upon the fore-foot, as it had been called before toes. This was the beginning of a global epidemic, dubbed by war veterans toes, due to the uncanny resemblance and also the connection to the tool they had used to prop up the short leg on their bed.
Thus the toe as we know it began to spread, like butter on toast, and many people began to develop this horrible disease. The 60's did not hinder the progress of the great illness, but the shared needles not only spread aids, but also spread this disease. Another strange aspect was it's ability to change, and avoid destruction from potential cures of it. If you have five toes then you are missing one so find someone sleeping cut theres off and so it on to your foot. It should be placed right on the back of your heal.
[edit] Recent Years
With the introduction of Agent Orange from the Vietnam war this virus began to break it's previous records of size and began to appendages that were recorded to be up to 2 inches long..! The toe also began to grow counterparts, and now no foot is complete without the set of 5 toes. These common 5 organism colonies include:
- Large Food storage toe
- Long Attack/Defence toe
- Various sized parasitic toes
[edit] Anatomy of the Toe virus
The toe consists of two major parts. The flesh, which contains various unimportant organs, such as the brain, the heart, the lungs, etc. This is the center of their flesh eating fungus. And the hard carapace known to humans as the 'toe nail'. It protects the toe's fleshy, tasty interior from it's natural predators, such as the Dresser Corner, the Upturned Thumbtack, or the infamous Hagiboboblakin Weeba.
