Toast

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You know what they say, All Toasters Toast Toast!

This is what toast looks like when your wasted.

This Article is being monitered by the Toastbusterz. We just don't have a life. Should this article make any wrong moves, we won't care.

“In Soviet Russia, toast butters you!”

~ Russian Reversal on Toast

“I'M MELTING!!!”

~ Butter on toast

“Lovely Stuff.”

~ Poached Egg on Toast

“All Your Toast Are Belong To Us”

~ CATS on Toast

“Toast is the cause of Al Qaeda, 9/11, and the reason that everything tastes purple.”

~ George Bush on Toast

“The worst fucking piece of bread I ever had.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Toast

“Super Toast!”

~ Professor Membrane on Toast

“Toast is bread put in a toaster oven”

~ Captain Obvious on Toast

“Y'know what they say, all toasters toast toast!”

~ Mario on Toast

“Butterd Toast............(Laughs Reatardedly)”

~ Ed from Ed, Edd n Eddy on Toast

“Toast is pretty sexy”

~ I came on Toast

“How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned? HOW'DIGA BURNED?! HOWDIGABUUURRNEDDD?!!”

~ Nicolas Cage to his wife on his last two slices of breakfast bread

“Toast is indeed quite a bôss.”

~ Mark Twain on Toast

“Even though it was put in the toaster oven, it's still my bread!”

~ Falco on his toast

Toast is a life form under the species name 'dinosaurus butteronburntbreadus'. Every day thousands of innocent slices of toast lose their lives in a buttery fury of consumption by larger species. Toast has also been linked to the mysterious disappearances of certain famous people. Certain parties and organisations have done all they can to ensure every Big Brother "celebrity" gets to ingest some of the buttery stuff.

[edit] The Invention of Toast

Toast is widely believed to have been invented in 2009(repeating of course) by Edward Toast, a close friend of Sir Francis Sausage, who invented bacon. In 1244, Toast attempted to warm up his bread. The resulting explosion destroyed his home, the bread, and most of the neighborhood. Toast repeated the experiment in 1272.74 (repeating) using a controlled flame (he used a flamethrower the first time) and did the experiment outside. He succeeded in warming up his bread, but it also came with an unexpected other effect. The flame burnt the bread slightly, browning it and making it crunchy. Mmmm.. crunchy. Two days later, Toast went to the patent office to patent his new invention, but was told that he could not patent food. He left and three days later with a contraption which he called a "toaster". The first toaster was simply a metal grid which was heated and which you placed bread upon to cook. The patent office accepted his claim this time and by 1300 Toast had become a millionaire selling his toasters. However, in 1322, a man who was using his toaster accidentally "toasted" his hand, and ended up suing Toast. Toast lost $999,999 and 99⅞ cents or 9999999 pennies. He ended up dying in 1336 poor and depressed, although his spirit lives on in frozen Kool Aid.

The equation for Toast is Toast = Toaster x Bread

This message brought to you by Dee Spanish Society

The Toast People are a proud race.

[edit] Commonly Asked Questions on Toast

Chat InformationPlease wait for a site operator to respond.

Chat InformationYou are now chatting with 'Fleshlight Customer Service'

Fleshlight Customer Service: Is there a specific question I can help you with?

Fleshlight Customer Service: Hello and thank you for contacting Fleshlight Customer Service. How can I help you today?

Jesus Christ: Hello

Jesus Christ: I have a question

Fleshlight Customer Service: ok..

Jesus Christ: Do you know about our lord ans avior Jesus Christ?

Jesus Christ: and*

Fleshlight Customer Service: who?

Jesus Christ: If you know about Jesus Christ

Fleshlight Customer Service: never heard of em

Jesus Christ: you ever read the bible?

Fleshlight Customer Service: whats the bible

Jesus Christ: it was the first form of porn back in the days

Fleshlight Customer Service: oG pron. sweet

Jesus Christ: they did their own family members

Jesus Christ: incest porn

Fleshlight Customer Service: oh yeah i remember that book now. the one with all the incest freak scenes

Jesus Christ: yeah Adam and Eve and their kids was the best one.

Jesus Christ: So I was wondering if you have a special flesh light

Jesus Christ: you know

Jesus Christ: Virgin Mary edition

Fleshlight Customer Service: hold up...on a call

Fleshlight Customer Service: k

Fleshlight Customer Service: i've actually suggested each sleeve be made with a hymen for the guy to break

Jesus Christ: good idea

Fleshlight Customer Service: i dunno if they'd call it the virgin mary

Fleshlight Customer Service: but that would be pretty funny

Jesus Christ: but you know, I want to hit a flesh light and feel like Im doing virgin mary

Fleshlight Customer Service: good luck with that.

Jesus Christ: alright thanks for all the help

Jesus Christ: I cant wait for that new sleeve

Jesus Christ: whats your name by the way?

Fleshlight Customer Service: Josephine

Jesus Christ: are you a virgin Josephine?

Fleshlight Customer Service: not by a long shot ;)

Jesus Christ: How old are you?

Fleshlight Customer Service: 19

Fleshlight Customer Service: why

Jesus Christ: just wondering, you have myspace?

Jesus Christ: =P

Fleshlight Customer Service: not for some creep in a sex toy chat

Jesus Christ: lol I got in to prank customer service for ED

Jesus Christ: Encyclopediadramatica.com

Fleshlight Customer Service: im familiar with ED

Fleshlight Customer Service: and no, not erectile dysfunction

Jesus Christ: =P

Fleshlight Customer Service: Wow, you mean Jesus Christ didnt really buy a fleshlight?

Jesus Christ: nah he used the bible like everyone else

Fleshlight Customer Service: You really had me there

Jesus Christ: =P

Jesus Christ: can I get your myspace, you can block me if you want. You sound really cool lass. =P

Fleshlight Customer Service: thats a brilliant disguise. almost as brilliant as the fact that im actually a 30-something man who knows all about 4chan, 7chan, 420chan, /b/, and THE GAME and guess what....YOU JUST LOST THE GAME

Chat InformationChat session has been terminated by the site operator.

[edit] Uses in Medicine

If toast is left beneath a couch for long enough, it will become so condensed that it can actually cut diamond. Toast becomes a substance capable of molecular fission if left unattended for 60 years. Of course, this has captivated many scientists and surgeons, who needed a substance that can cut through virtually anything and leave no dents or jagged edges. Toast is used to slice through metal trapping people in plane accidents, to protect small dogs from the harsh weather, and it serves as a powerful fuel for lightsabers. One man, Albert Pretrokovovsky, credits Edward Toast as being his personal savior as an ancient slice of toast helped him slice his way out of the stomach of Mechagodzilla and later the Tin Man.

Either that or the toast will mutate into an evil being and sneak out from under you bed to molest you and several children in your neighborhood.

[edit] Toast when dipped in water

Toast is actually molecularly superior to humans. This is proved by the "waterus dippus" theory, this theory is that when humans are dipped in water, we just become wet and will eventually drip dry. However when toast is dipped in water it acts as a sponge and absorbs the water until it is about 3 times as heavy as its original toast state. this means that if toast was left in water for longer then 8 hours that single piece of toast could make the earth drop out of its gravitational orbit just because of its absorbed "wet weight" causing the whole population of humans on earth to simultaneously say "wow".

Humans may also say World Of Warcraft or "Wow" when toast is used as bait for the toast shark of indonesia because obviously that person fishing for that shark is stupid enough to believe this article.

[edit] Currency

Toast is used as currency in many countries including Middle Earth and Antarctica. Buttered is worth turd to the normal plain slice of toast when sperm is considered high wealth. In the United states of America (formerly known as Bushland) it is a widely known fact that all paper currency is backed up with large amounts of gold in Fort Knox. This of course, is a total lie, as Rupert Grint found out during the filming of National treasure III; Lincoln's dirty thong, whence he and his sidekick monkey Herbert break into the infamous Fort Knox in search of Lincoln's dirty thong, only to find that all of the US of A's currency is backed up by toast instead of gold, and the infamous thong is really a life size figurine of Willam Brinley playing Quiddich as a Seeker.

It should also be noted that Iceland uses toast as a secondary currency. It is not, however nearly as valuable as their as their main currency, which is mainly made up of pebbles and pictures of gay midget porn.

Toast with different jams can have higher currency values. Grape jam is the equziliant of 72/91 of an American dollar. This is more than toast with strawberry jelly, which is the equivilant of 1/1,000,000,000,000,000 American dollars.

[edit] In Poetry

People 'cross the country

From coast to coast

They always ask me

What I like most

I don't want to brag

I don't want to boast

I always tell 'em

I like toast

YEAH! TOAST!

There's no secret

To toasting perfection

There's a dial on the side

and you make your selection

Push it to the dark

or the light and then

if it pops to soon

Press down again.

Make Toast!

YEAH! TOAST!!

[Quote: The great Mark Assley Junior]

[edit] Preparation

First, place in toaster. That's the easy part. Then, bring out a fleshlight for oncoming grues, who are attracted by the delicious smell of burning toast. By the time the first grue attacks, you should have killed it, and realise that the toast is burning. Then you make it pop out by pulling the magical switch up, and go "awww" when you see that your toast is freaking pitch black. From there you should throw a fit and kill someone, like your mom. Then you realise it wasn't worth it, butter the toast and stick it in your pants. Bon appetit.