Titanic Made of Wood

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Heelingship
The Titanic on it's date with destiny.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic was in fact made of Wood.

While Gators around the world continue to say that the ship was made of steel, the evidence against this theory is now overwhelmingly in favor of the undisputed 'Wood-Ship' fact.

Recent pieces of artwork depict the Titanic leaving port and the details observed within these drawing clearly show the ship to me made of wood. Pirates all across the world also have tales about the great wooden ship that carried much booty.

The first examination of the wood samples from the SS Titanic's hull and bulkhead has found that the wood used was vastly inferior to modern oak.

Impact tests on about 300lb of oak retrieved from the wreckage found that it was about 10 times more brittle than modern oak at freezing temperature. Tests of the oak's chemical composition also showed a high content of sulphur, oxygen and phosphorous, which cause oak to be brittle. There was also a low level of manganese, a symptom of brittle oak.

His findings will be published next month in the Journal of Woods. The only other test was conducted by the Canadian government and involved a Frisbee-sized piece of oak, in which researchers concluded that the ship's hull fractured when it met the iceberg. However, inferior oak was not the only reason the Titanic sank. Other factors, such as flaws in the ship's design, the crew's negligence and the lack of lifeboats, also contributed to the disaster, Prof Leighly said.

edit Other Theories

Based upon research by Professor M. Python, it was thought that the Titanic could have been made of:

  • Bread: This theory was quickly disproved because as bread absorbs water, if the Titanic had been made of bread, there would have been no water left.
  • Apples: An apple a day keeps the doctors away, and doctors were present on the Titanic.
  • Very Small Rocks: Was under investigation. Disproved by wood.
  • Cider: Due to the vast quantity of pirates in the oceans at this time, it seems highly unlikely that a ship would be made of cider, rum, or any tasty beverage.
  • Gravy: Only grandmothers can make gravy yummy enough to float. The Titanic was built before any one was old enough to be considered Grandmothers.
  • Cherries: Due to the vast quantity of Brandi's in the world at this time, it seems highly unlikely that a ship would be made of cherries.
  • Mud: Was under investigation. Disproved by wood.
  • Churches: Was under investigation. Disproved by wood.
  • Lead: All the lead in the world at this point in time was in Rome's pipes, killing everyone.
  • Ducks: Too busy carrying coconuts.
  • Wood: Proven.
  • Women called Deirdre: Under investigation, may be disproved by wood.
  • Jim Bowens: Since Jim Bowen was only 2 years old and living in Padiham at the time, it seems unlikely.
  • Typewriters: Was under investigation, Disproved by wood.
  • Members of the Labour Party: Highly possible, since all members of the Labour Party have heads made of wood.
  • Fat people: Was under investigation until someone realised that fat people float, disproved by wood.
  • Television Sets: Highly probable, All televisions that existed at the time of the Titanic were made of wood.
  • Pianos: Under investigation, very possible since Piano's are made of wood.

edit See also

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