Tinky Winky
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“Say hello, Teletubbies”
~ Narrator on Tinks's Crew
“Purple furry bastard! I'd chib him!”
~ Laa-Laa on Tinky Winky
“TINKY WINKY TOUCHED ME!!!”
~ Little Boy on Gay Rape
“Tinky Winky is my idol”
~ MJ on Showing Love
“In soviet Russia, Tinky Winky is YOU!”
~ Russian Reversal on Tinky Winky
“Tinky Winky inspires people!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Teletubbies
“I'd hit it!”
~ Dipsy on Tinky Winky
“Tinky Winky is so gay”
~ Captain Obvious on Teletubbies
“Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot, bite my butt!”
~ Talking Po doll on Tinky Winky
“Tinky Winky is a talent! (丁丁是個人才!)”
~ Hui SI-MA on Tinky Winky
“Why the fuck has he got a coat hanger on his head!!!”
~ everyone who wonders why the telle tubbys have shapes on their heads
“I could use his guts to grease my tank treads!”
~ General George S Patton on Tinky Winky
This is the article for Mr. Winky, as managed by his lawyers. If you are looking for Tinky Winky's cousin Stinky-Winky Squishy, view the The Great Tellytubby Massacre. Any attempt to vandalise, read or in any way enjoy oneself will be punished to the furthest possible extent of the law. Tinky Winky is a super gay Teletubby from the TV show of the same name.He is purple, dances in tu-tu, carries a female purse, and has an antenna shaped like an ear-lovin' TRIANGLE! Fuck Tinky Winky! He is a weird alien thing and the leader of the previously mentined terroist group. He organises all the group's weekly attacks, hates kids because once a three year old destroyed his things, and he hates Homer Simpson because he's well ummm..... just plain stupid. Contrary to all of this hate, Tinky Winky loves Adam.
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[edit] Early years
Tinky Winky (birth name Buck Futter) was born in 350 BC. He was at one point the fearsome god of the darwen people who built the Roonshore Temple now known as Runshaw College in his honour. He was greatly feared and worshipped and had several temples built in his honour. Gradually, however, his power dwindled and in 1969, Tinky Winky was forced to incarnate into the body of a purple homosexual creature to ensure his continued existence. People celebrated on the street and a hope was formed for all pre-educated homosexual children. Tinky Winky was 14 years old when he first got a job, after being expelled from several schools because he made constant advances on the purple dinosaur sitting in front of him. At the age of 21, Tinky became a well-known lawer in Fulham, Slough and Prudhoe. But after losing his husband, Dipshit, he reverted to alcohol and soon enough got sacked. After picking himself up, Mr. Winky cleaned up his act and reclaimed
his friendship with Dipshit. That friendship would later turn to alot more, thus making Lah-Lah and Poop. At the age of 35, Tinky Winky and his crew/family were offered a contract to perform on the TV show Teletubbies.
[edit] Era Of The Teletubbies
On November 37, 1997 (coincidently the day after Freddie Mercury's death), the show Teletubbies aired. They were worshipped all over the world. The concept of the show was pretty basic. A demented child posing as the sun. A overactive male sex-toy named Noo-noo (who later went on to star as the lead character in CSI: Baghdad). From time to time, the show would proceed without Tinky Winky, because he reverted, again, to alcohol. Arguments started within the family and then Tinky Winky, Noo-Noo and Laa-Laa's ball went missing. A video transmission hosted on juicy-teenies.com revealed that due to Tinky Winky's alchohol problem, he had ran off to Paraguay with Noo-Noo and Laa-Laa's ball. He had killed Noo-Noo and was threatening to pop Laa-Laa's ball with his antler unless the show was cancelled. This, along with Po repeatedly violating the Tubby Custard machine on-air, sparked numerous violent protests from the Fathers Against Rude Television (F.A.R.T.) group. The matter was eventually settled, with 3 million pounds of Tubby Toast being paid out. The next year, when Teletubbies returned to the air, Tinky Winky received a magic crown and played God until the crown flew away. This caused the theologians of the day to shut down the show with their mighty conservative powers. The show was abrubtly cancelled, leaving millions of teenage chavs without any education.
A teletubbies film was made, but it was banned by the Board of Film Censors for explicit scenes. It is rumoured that much of the film explored Tinky-Winky's homosexuality, and that Noo-Noo attempted suicide during production, and later threatened to sue the film producers for "scarring his personal life for ever".
After Tinky Winky's argument and a divource with Laa-Laa, tinky went into a Solo Career. His First Single "Turkey Slap Your Grandma", (which contained several sublimital messages all resulting in the title),charted badly on the American Billboard 200 chart, despite many children had brought it. After this, it was rumoured Tinky Winky attempted Suicide, but failed to make a Noose strong enough to hold his 250kg body.
[edit] Merchandise
Post-Teletubbies Winky involved himself in various odd-jobs, including:
- Tinky Winky-faced Pencils
- Teletubbies posters
- Tinky Winky Handguns With Illegal Hollow-Tip Bullets
- Staple guns
- Personalised gun-holsters
- Bobble heads for the Car
- Purple Hot Cocoa - May Contain Chemicals Used for illegal narcotic manufacture
- Talking Potties for Potty Training that say "You went in the potty! Well done!"
- Tinky Winky Toddler Ass-Rape Machine (Comes with Potty).
- Teletubby dildo that tells you when you orgasm and says "Again!Again!".
- Tinky Winky Knife collection (Basically a kitchen knife set coloured in purple).
- Tinky Winky Voodoo Doll
- Tinky Winky Limited Edition Samarai Sword
[edit] Controversies
Tinky Winky started a still hinted-at controversy in 1999 because of his gay purse.Although he was first "outed" by the academic and cultural critic Andy Medhurst in a letter of July 1997 to The Face,he aroused the interest of Jerry Falwell in 1997 when Falwell alleged that the character is a "gay role model". Falwell issued an attack in his National Liberty Journal, citing a Washington Post "In/Out" column which stated that homosexual comedian Ellen DeGeneres was "out" as the chief national gay representative -- while trendy Tinky Winky was "in."This has caused many Christians to boycott Teletubbies because Tinky Winky and the Teletubbies support homosexuality. He is also found performing his Tinky Winky Round and Round Dance in a ballet-style tutu from time to time[1],which is also often worn by Laa-Laa. (Supporters of the interpretation that Tinky Winky is gay may take this as evidence). A February 1999 article in the National Liberty Journal, published by evangelical pastor Jerry Falwell, warned parents that Tinky Winky is a hidden homosexual symbol, because "he is purple, the gay pride colour, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle, the gay pride symbol".[2]A spokesman for Itsy Bitsy Entertainment Co., who licenses the characters in the United States, said that the bag was just a magic bag, "The fact that he carries a magic bag doesn't make him a homosexual. It's a children's show, folks. To think we would be putting sexual innuendo in a children's show is kind of outlandish", he added, but we all know that this is a bunch of bull shit and that Tinky Winky IS gay.
In May 2007, Polish Ombudsman for Children Ewa Sowińska revisited the matter, and planned to order an investigation.[3] She said in the May 28 2007 edition of Polish magazine Wprost that the woman's handbag-carrying Tinky Winky could promote homosexuality.Journalists from Wprost mentioned claims the Teletubbies promote homosexuality, to which Sowińska replied that she had heard of the issue. The journalists then asked about Tinky Winky. "I noticed that he has a woman's handbag, but I didn't realize he's a boy", Sowińska told the magazine in an interview her office approved before publication, adding: "Later I learned that there could be some hidden homosexual undertones." Sowińska said she would ask her office's psychologists to look into the allegations "and judge whether it can be shown on public television and whether the suggested problem really exists." But on May 30 2007, Sowińska said in a public statement that she no longer suspected the Teletubbies of promoting homosexuality. She said: "The opinion of a leading sexolgist, who maintains that this series has no negative effects on a child's psychology, is perfectly credible. As a result I have decided that it is no longer necessary to seek the opinion of other psychologists."[4] In an unrelated incident reported in 2000, a girl's Tinky Winky toy reportedly said "I got a gun". Kenn Viselman, then chairman of the Itsy Bitsy Entertainment Co., claimed the toy actually said "Again, again!", a catchphrase from the show. [5]This has also started controversies because it really DID say I gotta gun because Tinky Winky is GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![6].
[edit] Tinky Winky as of early 2007 (before assassination)
After enduring plastic surgery to actually stop making him look like Barney and a frog's lovechild, Tinky Winky was formally working in a post-office in the town of Ovingham. He wrote plays and played golf in his spare time and was a voice-over for the depressing "Hello! Would you like a low cost loan from a company that actually treats you like an intelligent human being? Well, that rules out all of the adverts with talking electrical appliances and Carol Vorderman!" loan ads. You can write to his official fan base:
Tinky Winky Fan Base
437 Cillitbangus street
DFiuefewfjistan
Outer Slovakia
W1NKY 367
Tinky Winky also decided to go into a Solo Music Career, with his first Album called "Touchy Touchy time", track listing:
- 1. "Turkey Slap Your Grandma" (2:56) (failed to chart American 200 charts)
- 2. "Let That Big Man Touch You" (2:02)
- 3. "Fun to be Friends with Michael Jackson" (3:07)
- 4. "Incest!! Incest!! Incest!!" (7:59)
- 5. "All Night Long (Rape Theme Song)" (4:01)
- 6. "Testicle Tuesday" (1:24)
- 7. "Necrophilia" (2:45)
- 8. "Sound of Sex" (10:56) (Sound recording to Tinky Winky Raping a Young Child)
- 9. "Suck my Lollypop" (2:32)
- 10. "Gang Bang your Neighbor" (3:56)
The Album was Badly Criticized. It Barely Reached the American Top 200 charts. Yet a small range of Children own a copy. It has Rumoured that Tinky Winky was doing a concert for his Album tour the night before he was assasinated.
[edit] Assassination
After Tinky Winky left the Teletubbies, he became a political activist and began seriously considering running for president as a Democrat. But his dreams were tragically cut short on May 22 2007, when he was gunned down by an unknown assailant on his way out of a women's underwear shop. The car that did the drive-by had a bumper sticker that said "I am not a gangster". It is believed that he was mistaken for cookie monster, the target of many gangs. Gangs have said that they can and will kill the cookie monster, because he "failed to pay for his cookies". The proprietor of the store took his soft, silky remains into her store and turned them into a fashionable bra. The remaining Teletubbies arranged for him to be buried in Teletubby land, under the strange, trippy thing that looks like a windmill. Many other theories, however, have emerged. As already stated, some claim the GOP Mafia had indeed hired the assailant. Some claim it was Conor Oberst finally doing something instead of sitting around mumbling about Starbuck's Coffee. Some claim it was the ghost of Adolf Hitler. However, the GOP Mafia has murdered every single theorist except the one about the gangs and the cookie monster. Dispite all theories,the correct theory is that Tinky Winky’s assassination was arranged by Barney the Dinosaur.This has been revealed and Barney killed Tinky Winky [7], with a bullet made of pickle. Before the time of Tinky's death, Barney was Tinky's lover.You'd think that they'd love each other, since that they're both purple and gay.Also, they both star in gay children's TV shows.Notably, Tinky Winky was to face a court appearance for allegated homosexual child molestation 3 weeks after he was killed by his father/gay lover, along with the rest of the Teletubbies. Tinky Winky responded to this by listening to MCR and having violent gay sex with Barney. It is thought that Barney is a necrophile, and this may be why he killed Tinky Winky. However, as he's so fuckin' retarded, he screwed up. Tinky Winky's grave site is no located in a cave with a boulder blocking the door. Visiting the grave site costs over 90 billion dollars and 2 cents.
[edit] References
- ↑ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XKbqIAJtBg Video "Tinky Winky Gets Shot" at YouTube.
- ↑ http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F05E4DD1F3BF932A25751C0A96F958260
- ↑ BBC News article on the Polish gay Teletubby controversy
- ↑ "Polish watchdog backs away from Teletubbies probe", cbc.ca, May 30 2007, [1], retrieved May 31 2007
- ↑ Dotinga, Randy. "Lawsuit to Target Teletubbies for Gun Talk", APBNews, April 12, 2000.
- ↑ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJt1U_8UYBs Video "Tinky Winky Says 'I've Got A Gun'" at YouTube.
- ↑ http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/UnNews:Barney_the_Dinosaur_responsible_for_death
