Tinky Winky
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This is the article for Mr. Winky, as managed by his lawyers. If you are looking for Tinky Winky's cousin Stinky-Winky Squishy, view the The Great Tellytubby Massacre.
Contents |
Early Years
Then,on November 37,1991 (coincidently the day after Freddy Mercury's death), the show “Teletubbies” was released. They were worshiped all over the world. The concept of the show was pretty basic. A demented child posing as the sun. A overactive male sex-toy named Noo-noo (who later went on to star as the lead character in CSI: Baghdad). However, the show was pulled because Po repeatedly violated the Tubby Custard machine on-air. This sparked numerous violent protests from the Fathers Against Rude Television (F.A.R.T.) group. The matter was eventually settled, with 3 million pounds of Tubby Toast being paid out.
10 years later, when the Teletubbies returned to the air, Tinky Winky received a magic crown and played God until the crown flew away. This caused the theologians of the day to shut down the show with their mighty conservative powers. Tinky Winky’s assassination would would eventually be arranged by Barney the dinosaur.
Merchandise
Post-teletubbies Winky involved himself in various odd-jobs, the most profitable was the following Teletubbies merchandise:
- Pencils
- Teletubbies posters
- Tinky Winky Handguns With Illegal Hollow-Tip Bullets
- Staple guns
- Bobbing heads for the Car
- Purple Hot Cocoa - May Contain Chemicals Used for illegal narcotic manufacture
- Talking Potties for Potty Training that say "You went in the potty! Well done!"
- Tinky Winky Toddler Ass-Rape Machine (Comes with Potty).
Controversies
Because of Tinky Winky's role on the toddler show Teletubbies,he has started a still hinted-at controversy in 1999 due to his carrying a bag that looks much like a woman's handbag (although he was first "outed" by the academic and cultural critic Andy Medhurst in a letter of July 1997 to The Face).
A February 1999 article in the National Liberty Journal, published by evangelical pastor Jerry Falwell, warned parents that Tinky Winky could be a hidden homosexual symbol, because "he is purple, the gay pride colour, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle, the gay pride symbol".
A spokesman for Itsy Bitsy Entertainment Co., who licenses the characters in the United States, said that the bag was just a magic bag. "The fact that he carries a magic bag doesn't make him a homosexual. It's a children's show, folks. To think we would be putting sexual innuendo in a children's show is kind of outlandish", he added.
In May 2007, Polish Ombudsman for Children Ewa Sowińska revisited the matter, and planned to order an investigation.She said in the May 28 2007 edition of Polish magazine Wprost that the woman's handbag-carrying Tinky Winky could promote homosexuality. Journalists from Wprost mentioned claims the Teletubbies promote homosexuality, to which Sowińska replied that she had heard of the issue. The journalists then asked about Tinky Winky. "I noticed that he has a woman's handbag, but I didn't realize he's a boy", Sowińska told the magazine in an interview her office approved before publication, adding: "Later I learned that there could be some hidden homosexual undertones." Sowińska said she would ask her office's psychologists to look into the allegations "and judge whether it can be shown on public television and whether the suggested problem really exists."
But on May 30 2007, Sowińska said in a public statement that she no longer suspected the Teletubbies of promoting homosexuality. She said: "The opinion of a leading sexologist, who maintains that this series has no negative effects on a child's psychology, is perfectly credible. As a result I have decided that it is no longer necessary to seek the opinion of other psychologists."
In an unrelated incident reported in 2000, a girl's Tinky Winky toy reportedly said "I got a gun". Kenn Viselman, then chairman of the Itsy Bitsy Entertainment Co., claimed the toy actually said "Again, again!", a catchphrase from the show.
Assassination
- Main Article:Tinky Winky assassinated.
After Tinky Winky left the Teletubbies, he became a political activist and began seriously considering running for president as a Democrat.But his dreams were tragically cut short on 22 May 2007, when he was gunned down by an unknown assailant on his way out of a women's underwear shop. The car that did the drive-by had a bumper sticker that said "I am not a gangster". It is believed that he was mistaken for cookie monster, the target of many gangs. Gangs have said that they can and will kill the cookie monster, because he “failed to pay for his cookies".The remaining Teletubbies arranged for him to be buried in Teletubby land, under the strange, trippy thing that looks like a windmill.
Many other theories, however, have emerged. As this stupid meaningless article has already stated, some claim the GOP Mafia had indeed hired the assailant. Some claim it was Conor Oberst finally doing something instead of sitting around mumbling about Starbuck's Coffee. Some claim it was the ghost of Adolf Hitler.
However, the GOP Mafia has murdered every single theorist except the one about the gangs and the cookie monster.
Dispte all theories,the correct theory is that Tinky Winky’s assassination was arranged by Barney the Dinosaur.
