Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport, is a song written and recorded by Rolf Harris, about the last requests of a (possibly insane) dying man. Rolf, also known as ROFL, was said to have written this song after a wild night at Birdsville pub, in outback Australia. The story goes that there he met a few "lovely ladies" who he spent the night with in the outback. Contrasting reports of Rolf leaving that night with two (rather irritated) kangaroos tied up in the back of his ute have been rumoured, however unconfirmed.
Rolf used pieces of a building in the instrumentation of this song. This effect has been lovingly labelled a "wobble board", but it's just a fancy way of describing a piece of masonite jiggled back and forwards.
The lyrics at first seem innocent enough, and many Australians sing this song rambunctiously, and pay little attention to the words. While sounding jolly and light-hearted, it actually tells of a fellow who is dying whilst in the company of his friends. (It obviously was that sort of party.)
He asks an unspecified friend to "watch" his Wallabies after he's dead. For this to be a man's final wish on his death-bed may seem a little odd to a non-Australian, however anyone who who is aware of the Demographics of Australia know of the long standing "relations" Australian bushmen have had with Kangaroos, and for such purposes Wallabies are not considered any different. He also warns them of a possibility of their violent nature, a trait of much of the Australian Wildlife
Despite his condition he and his friends proceed to get quite excited and they join him (at his request) in an ode about the act of sodomizing his pet kangaroo, via what honestly sounds like an act of S&M.
In the following verses he proceeds to ask individual friends to complete particular tasks for him. Each verse is separated by a repeat of The Ode to the Violation of the Kangaroo :
- He asks "Curl" to deep-freeze his Cockatoo, and to stop acting like such a twat. It is likely that "Curl" is an affectionate name for "Curly" - in most part of the world this would suggest that he had curly hair, but in Australia it would mean that he was bald. This is considered humour in Australian culture.
- He requests that Jack return his Koala to the wild, but proceeds to give the directions to another friend completely (named Mac). These directions are ambiguous at best.
- Lou, he gives task of letting his *politically incorrect* Aboriginal slaves go free, quite simply because they're useless.
- Bill receives the honour of looking after his mischievous pet platypus
- He asks his friend "Blue" to continue the simple act of playing his didgeridoo after he is dead. We can assume "Blue" is a Redhead (because of a common Australian Colloquialism), and is therefore not Aboriginal (despite the fact that he plays the didgeridoo).
- For his friend Fred, he saves the most horrible request for last. He asks Fred to turn his skin into leather. Requesting this at then end of his song was probably quite wise because if he'd asked it first, everyone else would have simply left.
- This then launches us into what is considered by many to be the MOST disturbing thing about this song. The last half of the final verse informs us that his friends have obliged the singer's request, and they have proceeded to hang the leather made of their friend's skin on the shed. They tell (another?) friend called "Clyde" this fact. Clyde's stance on this disturbing act is unknown.
All parties (except for the recently deceased, of course) join again for a final chorus of the kangaroo S&M again, and the song is done.
Because of the questionable lyrical content of this song some country's governments have banned performance of it completely. Austria, as of 1992, has a death penalty for anyone caught performing the song in public. In Argentina it is acceptable to play the song, but not recommended, and musicians have been formally advised to wear a hardhat and safety goggles while doing so. Re-release of the song by "The Wiggles" in 2000 caused rioting in China and also caused the song to be banned by the American government, with a sentence of life imprisonment for ownership of a copy of the song still being enforced regularly.
“This is undoubtedly the best song ever. Let's have some tea and listen to it right now!”
“Tahrme kaingaroo down sport!!! Tahrme kaingaroo down!!!”
Effects on world culture and history
In 1968, during an attempted siege of Australia, George W Bush gave a terrifying speech specifically aimed at the Kangaroos of the outback. Although the exact phrasing of the lyrics of this song were not used, the reference to the song was unmistakable. - ...and if y'all gonna be jumpin' and hoppin' in our way, we'll be tying y'all down, d'ya hear me sport?. The last part was aimed at a rouge kangaroo called Skippy, who had forced his way through the barricades. Shortly after those words were uttered, Skippy managed a powerful blow to the President and the entire army retreated in terror as a herd of Kangaroos bounced out of concealed spaceships and forced the American army back to Asia.
Rolf Harris makes reference to this event in another song, "Six white boomers", an Australian Christmas song, by using the lyrics "Then he heard a far off booming in the sky" - i.e. the kangaroos were coming once again to save the day.
Many think that it is for this reason that Australians still revere the song to this day, and also is the reason thet let the kangaroos roam in the streets and cities as they wish. Despite the connotations of the content, the kangaroos themselves seem quite unconcerned. All interviews that have asked about their thoughts on the matter, the kangaroo will usually either give a blank stare, eat some grass, or jump away.
In 1992, six half hour episodes of a Japanese game show were aired, called "Tie the Kangaroo Down!". The opening intro used the song theme, but only the melody was played on a Kazoo. In each episode, a single contestant was lured onto the show under the guise of it being a dating-related show. After a series of embarrassing questions were asked, the unsuspecting contestant met his date - A kangaroo. The man would then be offered $1,000,000 to be married to the Kangaroo, in a wedding ceremony which was conducted on the show. After four happy inter-species marriages and a successful lawsuit from the KPH (Kangaroos for Protection of Humankind), the show went bust and no further episodes were recorded.