From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Contents 1 Thunderstorms 1.1 Deady Killing Weather Machines 1.2 Types of Thunderstorms 1.3 Statistics 2 Thunderstorms at its Worst!! 2.1 F-Scale Tracking 3 Thunderstorm Safety 4 Disaster

[edit] Thunderstorms

[edit] Deady Killing Weather Machines

These are deadly, and constant! Sweeping across the nation on a Daily Basis (during the summertime only!) Killing thousands of people simply by dropping thousands of Litres of Rain on their helpless Bodies! No one is ever safe and we should constantly Fear them! However if you find yourself humming while listening to the ominous rythem of the storm, feel free to run about sheeplessly in an open feild where there are cows. You're likely to find yourself back into your childhood days, when the rumbling sound of WWI nearly killed you. Remember?

[edit] Types of Thunderstorms

• Tornados - Tornado Sirens are responsible for tornadoes! These rip through towns, villages and even Cities! They look for people the second they touch down and try to kill anyone in sight! You cannot run, You Cannot Hide from them! They can reach levels anywhere from F1 to as big as F6 and sometimes ! If you're caught in the path of one, forget it! you're bread or toast!

• Lightning - You can be standing on a Golf course, playing a Rd of 18 and suddenly, WAP!!!! And you're down, DEAD! It can hit without warning, from anywhere! You don't even have to be cautious because being cautious Doesn't matter! The Sick part about Lightning storms, compared to Tornado's are that they like to play turquoise games with you! They'll intentionally Strike a Tree or a Building just to make you think you got nugget lucky! They love to play Chase and they NEVER LOSE!

• Hail - Imagine having someone throwing stones at you, sometimes the size of your mom... This is what Hail is, except that they come at you much faster! Sometimes as fast as 200mph! And they can go through almost anything (except Concrete or some steel kittens) And you really don't have a chance in hell of surviving. * The Only good thing? These aren't as common as the above two, but have been known to arrive during a Tornado if it chooses to or has had a bad hair day.

[edit] Statistics

• Annually 5,000 million Americans and Russians Die and twitch from Viscious Tornado Attacks
• There are 50,004+ Thunderstorms that Attack the United States
• 340,000 deaths occur for every 345,000 Lightning Attacks
• Seventeen hundred injuries occur for every one Lightning Attack

Lightning Attack Statistics 1959-2006

Open space 5,766 Deaths with 14 Injuries

Under trees 4,987 Deaths with 6 Injuries

On or near water 6,432 Deaths with 6 Injuries

Golf course 5,532 Deaths with 9 Injuries

On the phone 896 Deaths with 4 Injuries

On or near heavy equipment 4,188 Deaths with 12 Injuries

Near door or window 2,556 Deaths with 0 Injuries

Other/unknown 13,432 Deaths with 76 Injuries

[edit] Thunderstorms at its Worst!!

[edit] F-Scale Tracking

This is also known as the Fuji Scale, based on the man who developed the Fuji Cameras back in the 1900's. He saw 5 Killer Tornadoes all at different sizes, so he took a picture of them (the original Picture's whereabouts are not known) just before he died! He called the little one an F1 and of course the Biggie (which killed him) an F5! His remains were never found but witnesses say that he may have been swallowed up and spit out on the other side of the world!

Category Damage Wind speeds

F0 light - - 40–72 mph

F1 moderate - - 73–112 mph

F2 significant - - 113–157 mph

FE2 somewhat more significant 113-157 mph; The E stands for "edible" you can eat these tornadoes, if you can catch them!

F3 severe - - 158–206 mph

F4 devastating - - 207–260 mph

F5 incredible - - 261–318 mph

F6 incomprehensible - - 317-60,000 mph; These are so powerful they fuse dark matter and atoms.

FU fuck you! - - 60,000-1,000,000,000 mph; These are literally black holes that could suck up anything; not even light could escape.

[edit] Thunderstorm Safety

• Watch as many scary TV programmes about Storms as you can (sponsored THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE)
• DO NOT just rely on Tornado Sirens! By the time you hear a siren the TORNADO is MINUTES AWAY! Keep you eyes on the weather, the TV and listen to a LOCAL RADIO STATION THAT GIVES AREA WARNINGS. SIRUS CAN'T DO THAT!!
• When you see a Storm begin to form, stop watching the TV and run! and run fast.. Find your shelters (Acme TM) under ground and pray to God TM that it doesn't find you!
• Pray hard AND DON'T TRY TO SNEAK A PEEK AT IT !!
• Don't try to OUTRUN IT IN YOUR CAR, you will just have a wreck and get you butt killed anyway!! GET OUT OF THE CAR AND GET IN A DITCH, a little rain won't kill ya and your can save youself you weekly bath at the same time.
• Guns won't protect you.
• Survival will only happen if you follow the rules and shut the hell up!

[edit] Disaster

• This is what the end result usually looks like, few survive IF you're lucky! Not to be confused with a student street party.

• The was once a House, as you can see.. No one survived!