Thomas Jefferson
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Please don't murder/maim this poor tree until this environmentalist is done hugging it.
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| Order: | of the Pheonix | |
| Vice President: | Mel Brooks | |
| Term of office: | n/a – n/a | |
| Preceded by: | n/a | |
| Succeeded by: | n/a | |
| Date of birth: | n/a | |
| Place of birth: | n/a | |
| First Lady: | n/a | |
| Political party: | n/a | |
Thomas Jefferson was the third President of the United States. Today he is remembered for writing the Declaration of Independence, his developments in the horticulture (specifically the ones regarding marajuana) and his constant inventing.
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[edit] Life
Sometime in Jefferson's early life, while under the influence of a several drugs at once, he decided to become a politician. This is the reason many people decide to become politicians, and Jefferson quickly obtained a position as a Judge through meeting other politicians and bribing them with his lesser known inventions, most of which centered around observing the extraterrestrial.
As Jefferson was working his way up in the world through bribery and blind luck, he was approached by George Washington regarding Washington's plot to become the first Emperor of America. Jefferson complied, earning him a position as Vice-Emperor and later the second President of America.
[edit] Presidential Campaign
To obtain Presidency, George Washington and his co-conspirators of the United States Emperors had Jefferson trudge naked through the wilderness to what is today known as Montana in order to obtain approximately twelve kilograms of marijuana. Weed had an essential part of Washington's planning process, and soon became essential to Jefferson as well. Jefferson brought back the weed, as well as some seeds, which he used to begin a business selling the plant. While under the influence of marijuana, Jefferson wrote his own Bible (see below), and designed his own house (also see below).
[edit] Jefferson's Bible
While under the influence of marajuana Jefferson wrote his own Bible that contained only that which Jefferson judged could have happened. The entirety of his Bible was:
Jesus wept.
While there are more things that Jefferson could have been added, he passed out shortly after writing this because of the marijuana, effectively cementing himself a place in hell.
[edit] Jefferson's House
Jefferson's house, which he named the Monticello, had a design far ahead of it's time. It's main feature was a dome. When he sat in it's center he could receive transmissions from Bigfoot, who Jefferson claimed was orbiting the earth in a teacup. Through Jefferson's unique dome and a hefty supply of various hallucinogens, communication was established, leading directly to the creation of the Declaration of Independence, and later the Louisiana Purchase.
[edit] See also
- Libertarianism
- George Jefferson
- Happiness
- Making up Thomas Jefferson Quotes
- Jefferson Airplane
- Eric Cartman
- Anarchy
