Thom Yorke
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“Maybe I'm weird for this, but his lazy eye turns me on.”
~ Neil Diamond. on Thom Yorke
“Man he sucks ass at basketball.”
~ Thom Yorke on Steven Hawkings
“H@h@ wat @ n00b!!!1<3333”
~ Thom Yorke to some random gas station attendant
Thomas Fitzgerald Orwell Ivanhoe Yorke is a neurotic musician-turned-cult-leader and poor mans Chris Martin who now leads a Buddhist sect in Hokkaido, Japan. He is known, to a lesser degree, as the former front man of Radiohead, a band that createst "music" that most cannot understand. Also in Radiohead are Jonny without-the-fucking-H Greenwood, Ed O'Brien, Colin Greenwood, Phil Selway, and the so-called "Other Thom," Tom Jones. Later in his career, Thom joined the Karma Police with Sting. He then gave birth to his first son known as singer-guitarist Matthew Bellamy of the band Muse.
Despite allegations that his parents were idiots, Thom maintains that his first name is spelled correctly. He is thought to be an android sent from the rainbows in order to give sad, self-obsessed freaks a god to worship, instead of Madonna, Pete Doherty, and Amy Winehouse. He proclaims to be a 'Creep' and a 'Weirdo' so he is seen as having the same amount of influence over Europe as the great George Dubya Bush.
Thom is an avid user of Macintosh computers because he thinks they look neat. Yorke uploads pictures of his penis and shows them on Face Book. and is a part-time hacker, more than willing to send you a virus or a meme to ruin your day.
In October 2007 Thom's band Radiohead shocked the world by announcing that they would allow fans to choose whether or not to buy their new album. As of mid-2008, the same album broke all sales records, and no one cared.
Contents |
[edit] Biography
[edit] Funk eye
After much speculation, Thom revealed that the "funk eye" is in fact the source of all his superpowers.
[edit] Like Bill Hicks, Thom Also Does Childrens' Parties
Tommy Yorkie is a character from Sesame Street. He was best known for his Sesame Street song "I'm asleep, I'm a winner.." (note: This had absolutely no similarities to the song "Creep" whatsoever) The song has been covered by numerous other artists, such as The Chipmunks, and Barney.
[edit] Awards
Thom Yorke picked up the 1993 Shining Wit Of The Year Award from the Spoonerism Society. He has since won it on no less than eleven occasions.
[edit] Dancing
While studying at Exeter, Thom went clubbing every tuesday night. Here his classmates tied his arms together and made him dance anyway. Another influence of his was Ian Curtis. Slowly, and with much practice infront of a floorlength mirror, he developed his own strange but godly dancing style. He has won the GCDC (Global Children's Dance Competition) every year since 1889. Although many try, no one can mimic his perfect moves.
[edit] Depression
Thom Yorke enjoys being depressed as he believes that it separates him from others, especially from his supporting act, also known as 'Radiohead.' Thom Yorke is happy when he is depressed, so technically he is never depressed. If Yorke knew this fact, his head would simply explode. It is well documented that he cries himself up a snack before doing anything that will take more than ten minutes of his time (including but not limited to checking his stove for ghosts, weasels, or anything else that might send him into a fit of rage), and is frequently hospitalized for trying to conjure up the Harlem Globetrotters, any team who wins the NBA Basketball Championship, or the ghost of Gnarls Barkley via mixing gasoline, oil, and Afro Sheen into a blender, and gently placing a match with the contents before stirring.
[edit] Musical Style
[edit] Musical Talent
As our prophets tells us, we see that our bard of the ages is rather beyond our silly mainstream notion of "talent". In fact, we find ourselves swirling around his arias of random note bashing and innovative use of anything that his hands get on and massage the warm sticky fluid that peons call "music". Ergo, according to no comment made in the previous pretentious self-gratifying sentences, we find that not even our Thom can defy his own sounds, lest we accuse him of being a "teeny-bobber" who listens to... music.
[edit] Lyrical Talent
Thom Yorke, with a degree in English from the rather prestigious university, Exeter, has tapped into both his education and natural ability to create what critics say is like,"...wanting to jab you ears out with razorblades..." and "CHARLES FUCKING DARWIN, how the hell did you get famous!". Examples include:
- "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"
- "Open up and let me in..."
- WHEN MILEY CYRUS GROWS UP SHE'L LEARN NOT TO HAVE A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT THBBBBBT!
- "The raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops...." - (ad nauseum)
- "We don't have any real friends..."
- "Wha-nepi-na-nepi-na-nepi-nepi-na-nepi-na! Wha-nepi-na-neh-bleh-bleh-(Kid A! Kid A!)-bleh-na-bleh-na! Wha-nepi-na..."
- "Your mouth moves only with someone's hand up your ass!"
These examples alone are enough to for critics to acclaim his singing is, "AMAZING, how could you not love this band!?"
Thom will appear on the Def Poetry Jam tour with Mos Def (Fall 2008). He will also appear as a back-dancer to Madonna on her next tour.
[edit] Discography
[edit] Solo career
NOTE: Please be aware that as no one has yet to buy any of these albums there is much speculation regarding their alleged existince.
- Turn Down the Love (1991)
- Up the Love (1992)
- How EYE Stay Awake At Night (1992)
- Pills, Buddhism and Hitler (1993)
- The White Album (a two disc re-release of Up the Love) (1995)
- The French Condom (2002)
- T3h 3r4s4h (2002)
- The Rubber (2004)
- The Chaser (2006)
- You Are Stupid Enough To Buy This Crap (expected 2009)
[edit] With Radiohead
[edit] Albums
- Spanish Bee-Shit (1993)
- Suffering build up of nitrogen bubbles in the blood stream, resulting in sharp, spasmic movements. (1995)
- OK Macintosh (2001)
- Child B (2002)
- We Secretly Lust Bush. (2003)
- Anal Sex Synonym (2007)
[edit] EPs
- Boring a Hole"
- Annoying Sensation
- I am on Life Support for a Collapsed Respiratory System
- Nothing Out of the Ordinary (Escaping from Mythological Beings)
- Ralph Nader (Running Machinery Well?)
- Using the Windows Operating System
[edit] Trivium
In an interview, Thom requested that the presenter should get nude, and watch a videotape with him. Halfway through this episode of interchat he claimed that "Down Is The New Up" after some cheap internet Viagra didn't have the desired effect because "The Drugs Don't Work". This was perhaps a hint that the new album will have a heavy influence from The Verve.
After hearing that his nemesis Chris Martin was organizing an expedition for the Dead Sea Scrolls, Thom has started his own expedition. Yorke believes that Martin should be looking for the Red Sea Scrolls instead of the Dead Sea Scrolls. The Red Sea Scrolls Expedition will originate from Tokyo in November 2008.
