Thom Yorke
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“Maybe I'm weird for this, but his lazy eye turns me on.”
~ Neil Diamond on Thom Yorke
“I am most confused as to how Thom and I are alike. It's not like we both destroy things or anything like that...”
~ Bjork on Thom Yorke
“Man he sucks ass at basketball.”
~ Thom Yorke on Steven Hawkings
“H@h@ wat @ n00b!!!1<3333”
~ Thom Yorke to some random gas station attendant
Contents |
[edit] Biography
Thomas Fitzgerald Orwell Ivanhoe Yorke is an eccentric man who's the lead singer of Radiohead, a band that creates "music" that most cannot understand. Also in Radiohead are Jonny without-the-fucking-H Greenwood, Ed O'Brien, Colin Greenwood, Phil Selway, and the so-called "Other Thom," Tom Jones. He is often compared to Bjork, because they are both bat fuck insane, and that they have destroyed at least one nation. Bjork denies these similarites, but it doesn't help that they collaborate every eight years to make wonderful music and destroy things.
Despite allegations that his parents were idiots, Thom maintains that his first name is spelled correctly. He is thought to be an android sent from the rainbows in order to give sad, self-obsessed freaks a god to worship, instead of Madonna, Pete Doherty, and Amy Winehouse. He proclaims to be a 'Creep' and a 'Weirdo' so he is seen as having the same amount of influence over Europe as the great George Dubya Bush.
While studying at Exeter, Thom went clubbing every Tuesday night, where on one occasion he slept with Sophie and Lauren.Their housemate Lorna was invited to join in but refused the offer.
Here his classmates tied his arms together and made him dance anyway. Another influence of his was Ian Curtis. Slowly, and with much practice infront of a floorlength mirror, he developed his own strange but godly dancing style. Although many try, no one can mimic his perfect moves.
In October 2007 Thom's band Radiohead shocked the world by announcing that they would allow fans to choose whether or not to buy their new album. As of mid-2008, the same album broke all sales records, and no one cared. Soon after, Thom confirmed that his "funk eye" is the source of all of his superpowers.
Thom revealed that he's "allergic" to bad musicians. This caused controversy at the 2009 Grammys, when he refused to meet with both equally horrible Kanye West and Miley Cyrus. Both of them whined like a bitch on her period, especially Miley, who claimed that she will ruin Radiohead, only to hurt her own career by dancing like a slut on a kids' awards show. We don't even need to get into the mess that Kanye got into.
On October 4, 2009, Thom Yorke and the rest of Radiohead got inducted into the "Insane Music Hall of Fame" with fellow friends and partners in crime Bjork and Tori Amos. Thom Yorke later revealed at the ceremony that he created a new band called ?????? that'll play his solo material. Then, ?????? played "The Hollow Potato", and the rest of Radiohead got jealous and temporarily replaced him with a Chris Martin cutout, who Thom Yorke set on fire with the help of Kermit the Frog, his sister. Chris Martins ashes are said to be scattered on the planet Ooxger-81, from where he originally desended.
[edit] Depression
Thom Yorke enjoys being depressed as he believes that it separates him from others, especially from his supporting act, also known as 'Radiohead.' Thom Yorke is happy when he is depressed, so technically he is never depressed. If Yorke knew this fact, his head would simply explode. It is well documented that he cries himself up a snack before doing anything that will take more than ten minutes of his time (including but not limited to checking his stove for ghosts, weasels, or anything else that might send him into a fit of rage), and is frequently hospitalized for trying to conjure up the Harlem Globetrotters, any team who wins the NBA Basketball Championship, or the ghost of Gnarls Barkley via mixing gasoline, oil, and Afro Sheen into a blender, and gently placing a match with the contents before stirring.
[edit] Musical Style
[edit] Musical Talent
As our prophets tells us, we see that our bard of the ages is rather beyond our silly mainstream notion of "talent". In fact, we find ourselves swirling around his arias of random note bashing and innovative use of anything that his hands get on and massage the warm sticky fluid that peons call "music". Ergo, according to no comment made in the previous pretentious self-gratifying sentences, we find that not even our Thom can defy his own sounds, lest we accuse him of being a "teeny-bobber" who listens to... music.
[edit] Lyrical Talent
Thom Yorke, with a degree in English from the rather prestigious university, Exeter, has tapped into both his education and natural ability to create what critics say is like,"...wanting to jab you ears out with razorblades..." and "CHARLES FUCKING DARWIN, how the hell did you get famous!". Examples include:
- "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"
- "Open up and let me in..."
- WHEN MILEY CYRUS GROWS UP SHE'L LEARN NOT TO HAVE A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT THBBBBBT!
- "The raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops...." - (ad nauseum)
- "We still kiss with saliva."
- "Wha-nepi-na-nepi-na-nepi-nepi-na-nepi-na! Wha-nepi-na-neh-bleh-bleh-(Kid A! Kid A!)-bleh-na-bleh-na! Wha-nepi-na..."
- "Your mouth moves only with someone's hand up your ass!"
These examples alone are enough to for critics to acclaim his singing is, "AMAZING, how could you not love this band!?"
[edit] Thom Yorke as a Sex Symbol
Despite being 25-50% ugly, Thom Yorke is known to make certain women cum emotionally while performing. Also, hundreds of men- straight, gay, and bi- has admitted that they fantasize about Thom every two days, and that he's the cause of 48% off all testosterone-fueled orgasms. He's also one of the few men to make foreskin desirable to American women, although just because he was born in England doesn't guarantee his intactness. Many people, including Barbara Walters commented that he's the only sex symbol to rarely mention the "s" word.
[edit] Discography
[edit] Solo career
NOTE: Please be aware that as no one has yet to buy any of these albums there is much speculation regarding their alleged existince.
- Turn Down the Love (1991)
- Up the Love (1992)
- How EYE Stay Awake At Night (1992)
- Pills, Buddhism and Hitler (1993)
- The White Album (a two disc re-release of Up the Love) (1995)
- The French Condom (2002)
- T3h 3r4s4h (2002)
- The Rubber (2004)
- The Chaser (2006)
- Being Pulled Apart By Whores (2009)
[edit] With Radiohead
[edit] Albums
- Spanish Bee-Shit (1993)
- Suffering build up of nitrogen bubbles in the blood stream, resulting in sharp, spasmic movements (1995)
- OK Macintosh (1997)
- Child B (2001)
- We Forgot About Some Songs From the Chid B Sessions, So We Put Them In This Album That I Forgot About (2001)
- We Secretly Lust Bush. (The Irony) (2003)
- Homosexual Synonym (2007)
[edit] EPs
- Sonic Maniac
- Boring a Hole
- Annoying Sensation
- I am on Life Support for a Collapsed Respiratory System
- Nothing Out of the Ordinary (Escaping from Mythological Beings)
- Ralph Nader (Running Machinery Well?)
- Using the Windows Operating System
[edit] Trivium
In an interview, Thom requested that the presenter should get nude, and watch a videotape with him. Halfway through this episode of interchat he claimed that "Down Is The New Up" after some cheap internet Viagra didn't have the desired effect because "The Drugs Don't Work". This was perhaps a hint that the new album will have a heavy influence from The Verve. He adimitted in his youth he used to work as a bus driver. He grew up cross dressing with his grandmother.
After hearing that his uber-nemesis and half-brotherChris Martin was organizing an expedition for the Dead Sea Scrolls, Thom has started his own expedition. Yorke believes that Martin should be looking for the Red Sea Scrolls instead of the Dead Sea Scrolls. The Red Sea Scrolls Expedition will originate from Tokyo in November 2009.
