This Page Does Exist

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“Whoa. Does this...mean..the matrix is real too?”
“This page, does in fact, exist.”
“We don't have this page, like in your country. I don't know who told you that.”
~ Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on this page
“Oscar Wilde”


According to the structures and theorems of logic, this page does exist.

Kirby

This page is not like this guy.

edit Mathematical Proof

Explanation Formula Reason
We define existence to be the state of living Existence = living Definition of existence
All webpages take time to make, and money (internet access) webpages = time + money Postulated
The biological functions of life are to eat and reproduce Living = sex + food Meaning of Life postulate
Food requires money food = money No Free Lunch theorem
Reproduction takes time sex = time "I'm finally pregnant" theorem
Given food = money and sex = time, we substitute: living = money + time Substitution property of mathematics
Since webpage = time + money, and (shown above) so does living... webpages = living Substitution property of mathematics
We defined existence to equal living, therefore webpages = existence Transitive property of mathematics
This is a webpage ThisPage = webpage Definition of webpage
Thus... ThisPage = existence Transitive property of mathematics

This proof brought to you by the Fuzzy Math Foundation of America.

edit Corollaries to the existence theorem

Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about This Page Does Exist. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

The mathematical equations above have profound meaning.

Firstly, if

living = money * time

and

time = money

then

living = money^2

So.. If

Money = \sqrt {Evil}

then, transitively,

living = evil

Furthermore, if

You = living

and

ThisPage = living

then

ThisPage = You

It may be wise to keep this in mind before vandalizing this page, because, in order to balance the equation, we will have to vandalize your face.

edit Impact on humanity

The impact of this page's mathematical existence is profound. For instance, as long as this page exists, due to corollary #2 of the existence theorem, so do you. Ordinarily, this is reason enough to destroy this page as soon as possible, but, unfortunately, due to the inevitable paradoxical state in which this page, mathematically proven to exist, would no longer exist, the Universe would a splode. Thus, we are forced to deal with you.

edit See Also

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