The only way to success

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The only way to success, ultimately, is to set attainable goals for yourself. By way of explanation we offer a negative example: don't try to fly if you are not a bat, a bird, or a flying lizard (it bears mentioning that flying lizards have been extinct since... well I have never seen one, so they must be extinct).

Below is an illustrated list that you might use to help yourself define what is possible for you and what isn't. If you are particularly gumptious, you can even establish an agency based on these samples - you can start instructing other people on their way to success and bring joy to millions!

Establishing a swimming school for (...) might be a task beyond your abilities - but you should always form your own opinions!

Falling off an aeroplane, naked, with an erection - this is certainly a goal any virile male can reach!

Attack a boiled egg! Fun and possible. Do it today!

Pick your nose, naked, with a huge beer belly. This is certainly possible if only you have money to buy enough beer. Another way to reach this goal is to steal the beer - or drink lots of water! Use your imagination!

Get a scar on your forehead and have your torso truncated - and your arms amputated. This might be possible but it is doubtful that you will live.

Be an ugly, fat, fuming hag. Can be done, if you are female. This might take some time but it certainly is within limits to anyone who can fatten herself up a bit.

Find a pirahna frog. Nobody has found one yet. Might be tricky.

Wear a defecating baby hypotenuse on your severed head. Not possible without help - but possible.

Soup up a baby alligator. Hardly legal, otherwise quite simple - if you can get your hands on a baby alligator.

Wear oversized spectacles. Have some made and wear them! No problem - but a great spectacle!

Act like an old man. You don't need a walking stick, but it gives a quick impression. You can steal one easily from someone else who acts like an old man. Or you can improvise: take an umbrella and strip it until it resembles a walking stick.

Draw a series of idiotic images and write an annoying article around them! DO IT NOW! I tried it and succeeded!

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