The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

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“"When you grow to the size of a baby, your bladder shrinks to the size of pea. I used to constantly need a piss so I have had two extra kidneys put in."”

~ Benjamin Button

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Benjamin Button (2008 Motion Picture) is a controversial documentary which was first shown in cinemas from late 2008, and took the world by storm, with appearances from Forrest Gump wannabe, Brad Pitt, and the debut performance of his son, Franklin Pitt. It is the only film to have been given a perfect score of 50 by The New York Times, but otherwise received mixed reception, due to its heavily drug-abuse reliant story-line. It is based on a true story, with real names, and a cameo from the 'real' Benjamin Button, as a buxom barmaid. Christina Aguilera is the self-proclaimed world's biggest fan of the movie, having invested over half of her yearly income on Benjamin Button merchandise every year from 1967 to the present year. The royalties from her obsessive exploits have been pooled to fund a 'Curious Case' sequel, conveniently titled JAWS.

[edit] Plot

In 1922, Benjamin Button is born to a mad scientist and his wife. Mr. Button, using a potent mixture of psychedelic drugs and his own urine, brewed a youth serum in a copper kettle. Benjamin is exposed to these and now appears to be 86 years old, and although he ages backwardly by outward appearance, inside he begins to decompose.

The film then flashes to 1936, when Benjamin is 72 years old and is sent to live in a nursing home. He yells at a nurse and complains about how the economy was better when he was 20 (in 1988). He escapes from the nursing home in 1938 and gets a job at a factory.

In 1941, at age 19, Benjamin unsuccessfully tries to join the US Army during WWII, because he appears to be 67 years old, and is therefore "an old ass maggot", in the words of the Army recruiter. Benjamin goes back to his childhood home a few days later.

The film then jumps to 1953, when Benjamin unknowingly invents rock n' roll by yelling obsenities (which later turns to gibberish, a la Jerry Lee Lewis) after hitting his head off of a kitchen cabinet. Nobody knows what this scene has to do with anything.

In 1965, Benjamin moves out of the house and rents an apartment. He meets Moonbeam, a 21 year-old college student who he chooses to have as a roommate.

The next clip seen is in 1967, where Benjamin tries LSD (by reccomendation of Moonbeam) to the extent that he believes a hot dog is talking to him.

The very next scene comes in 1973, where Benjamin is trying to get gas for his car during the Middle Eastern oil crisis. He punches some random guy in the face and goes to jail for six years. He is released in 1977, and then immediately goes to a disco (because that's what everyone did in 1977). There, he meets Daisy, his future wife, where they dance to the music of Sister Sledge.

In 1982, Benjamin (then 60) and Daisy marry. Not like the wedding in "The Wedding Singer", where everything has to be a reference to the Rubik's Cube, Pogs, and Huey Lewis and the News, and the string quartet has to play "Don't Stop Believin'". It was an actual wedding.

In 1987, Benjamin (who now appears 21, but is actually 65) enrolls at some community college. He drops out in 1989 after he was mistaken for a freshman when he was in fact a junior. What a N00b!

In 1994, he tries heroin and becomes the lead singer of some grunge band. He later killed Kurt Cobain and blamed Courtney Love. He also accidentally killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, and some washed-up running back from the '70s was falsely accused of the murders.

In 2006, Daisy divorces the 84 year old Benjamin, only saying that "if Britney and K-Fed can do it, so can we". A despondent Benjamin orders a Russian mail-order bride off the internet after the divorce was finalized, and then watched some stupid YouTube videos.

The film ends with Benjamin dying in the arms of his Russian bride in late 2008, while talking about that crappy "Slumdog Millionaire" film.

[edit] Famous Scenes

• Benjamin Button falls over flat on his face. This scene was intended to be comical, as specified in the director's commentary of the film, but it resonated with many audiences as a sombre and bleak statement about mortality.

• Benjamin Button weeps on the floor in extreme pain as he experiences puberty backwards. His penis shrivels and he shrinks to a demeaning size.

• Benjamin Button is in the bath, using the shower attachment, and is stabbed by a psychopath, and then falls on the floor shrieking, and then the blood goes down the plughole in black and white. This scene is also included in the movie Psycho.

[edit] Smellovision Screenings

The film was shown in 'Smellovision' for a limited time: a cinematic experience which allowed the audience to experience smells relating to the film through ventilation masks strapped to their face. However, this viewing method was scrapped for economic reasons- a dead cow had to be attached by the stomach to a fan, and the resulting air had to be pumped into the masks. The fans were too expensive to buy and maintain, and so the Smellovision Screenings were discontinued.

[edit] Franklin Pitt (Debut Performance)

Franklin Pitt debuts in this film as the wife of Benjamin Button, Erethra Button. There are no nude scenes, but one cartoon representation of simulated sex between the two. Franklin demanded twice the amount his brother was paid for the movie ($20 million), and after being refused, shot himself in the middle of a scene. The director included this footage in the outtake reel at the end of the movie, some say a controversial choice, but hilarious nonetheless.

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