The Yardbirds
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“You're FIRED!”
“I QUIT!!”
“The Yardbirds fired Beck at the same instant that he quit - so it's a draw, they BOTH lose!”
The Yardbirds were created by the Supreme Being, Glavin Being, as His fav band. At the dawn of creation Glavin said "let there be rock!" and the Yardbirds immediately became manifest, along with 'COOL', mod gear, hash and Rizla papers. The Yardbirds joined forces with Glavin Being Himself when they accepted the love of Eric Clapton (who, being all-powerful, transformed later into Jeff Beck and then Jimmy Page). Their music has been described by prominent Russian writer and Gulag entrepreneur Fyodor Mikhaylovich Dostoyevsky as "Utteя яubbish." But closely following Uncyclopedia's NPOV we say, "Fuck him!!!" Now we know what a geek and Gulag entrepreneur he is! Face the fact, The Yardbirds invented guitar-rock-music. Period!
Renamed The Yardbirds, they developed as a sacred musical cabal from Crawdaddy Village in the USA State of Queenland (Species: TooCool4ArtSchool-sapiens), who are primarily noted for launching the careers of the "Super Three" or the three greatest BASS players in history, viz., Paul S. Smith, Jimmy Page and Chris Dreja, aka "The Bass Gods".
[edit] Musical Influence On Musical Influence
The Yardbirds invented Psychedelic Music, e.g., Shapes of Things, Humanitarian Psych, e.g., Mister You're a Better Man Than I, and occasionally Shit Rock such as "Ha Ha Said the Manager". Their music often incorporated "fuzz tone" and "feedback" and "noise" as well as the infamous "Rave Ups" (do ask!).
The Yardbirds practically influenced more garage bands than any other group in history. The Yardbirds even influenced The Beatles who were just too damn tight, and The Rolling Stones who were just too damn loose, until they heard The Yardbirds. In fact, neither of those bands even knew what a guitar was used for until they heard The Yardbirds - who actually invented "Lead Guitar". Thus The Yardbirds are the most influential band in the history of Garage. Believe it!
[edit] Fazes & Dazes
[edit] Founded hippie music & hard rock by accident
“Cause he's FREE!”
They are credited with starting hippie music by accident. The Yardbirds are the only band who are considered founders of Yardbirdism which transmuted into "Psychedelic Music" which further degenerated into hard rock, and is finally named "Garage".
[edit] Guitar Interference
“Lead guitar!”
Inspired by guitar feedback, distortion and noise, the band managed to record some hits. Unfortunately the band was forced out of business when the guitar interference grew too sever.
[edit] Death by Wooden Stake through Heart
In an effort to save the band the members checked into the Mickie Most rehabilitation clinic, but Most deemed them to be Count Rockula and pounded a commercial wooden-nail through their hearts. This unholy union resulted in the devil child, Little Games album, which spawned the worst song in the world, e.g., "Ha Ha Said The Manager."---This song has the unique ability to turn Milk into cement if played within a one mile radius.
[edit] Legacy: Invented "Fuzz-Metal Rock"
The final power cord ending the solo on "Shapes of Things" reverberated around the cosmos giving birth to a new sound: METAL. Garages across America were stuffed full of Yardbirds wannabes, thus creating a national parking problem that almost led to another Ice Age in North America. At the last moment this certain disaster was averted by a group named "Spinal Tap" - who played at Vol. 11, which heated up the entire planet. Spinal Tap, along with The Beatles, Stones and Who, are all Yardbirds wannabes. I mean, even Mother Teresa dug the Yardbirds back when she was a hot young groupie.
Check Out The Yardbirds
[edit] Mathematical History of The Yardbirds
[edit] Crime & Punishment in Yardbirdism
“In the beginning I said, "let there be lead guitar!" - but nothing happened. So I had to do it Myself!”
- Charge - thinking anyone is a better guitar player than Clapton, Beck & Page. Sentence - One week locked in a room with Twisted Sister playing "We're Not Gonna Take It!" live.
- Charge - thinking any band on earth comes even close to The Yardbirds. Sentence - you are prohibited from listening to the Yardbirds for 3 solid years.
- Charge - thinking any guitar solo is better than "Mr You're a Better Man than I". - Sentence - two weeks locked in an echo chamber with Dick Dale playing lead runs.
- Charge - thinking the Clapton Yardbirds were as good as the Beck Yardbirds. Sentence - Three weeks locked in a room listening to Layla.
- Charge - thinking the Page Yardbirds were actually the Yardbirds. Sentence - One year listening to "Ha Ha Said the Clown" 100 times daily.
- Charge - thinking The Yardbirds came from the blues. Sentence - locked in a room for two weeks listening to Robert Johnson thumping on a wash board.
- Charge - thinking that Jeff Beck WANTED to break his guitar in Blowup. Sentence - two years marching backwards in the Polish Army.
- Charge - thinking any song to be MORE innovative than Shapes of Things. Sentence - one year in a room discussing Voidism philosophy with G. Gordon Liddy.
[edit] Top 5 Songs in last 600 million years with "lead guitar solos" BETTER than Shapes of Things
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2)
3)
4)
5)
- Don't even bother with the rest because they're ALL crap! If Clapton, Beck & Page didn't do IT then it didn't even ever happen! Some nut cases are so twisted as to disagree with this. But we say, "screw them!" Listen to it: Shapes of Things.
[edit] Yardbirds Trivia:
- Singer Keith Relf was not electrocuted playing guitar, it was a harmonica.
- If drummer Jim iMac says something "isn't cool", then that bloody settles that.
- Like, Jeff Beck invented the lead guitar solo. Dude!
- According to the Yardbirds feedback and distortion are GOOD.
- Keith Relf was the first person to sing "I'm A Man" like a women.
- The band appeared in the movie "Blowjob" featuring the three bass-gods at once.
- When a Yardbird's song is played in reverse you can hear Polish jokes (with laughter in the background).
- The existence of the music proves the Yardbirds are NOT a myth (Exhibit A: Music).
- The Yardbirds tried, unsuccessfully, to make money by singing songs like, "You Don't Need Money!"
- The Yardbirds never claimed to be God, but the fact speaks for itself[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much].
- The Yardbirds fired Beck at the same instant that he quit - it's a draw, i.e, they BOTH lose.
- According to a new poll, The Yardbirds are the Top Ten Rock Bands of all time.
[edit] Famous Yardbirds Quotes
“Someone said I should be proud tonight; and I bloody-well am! Because I kicked them out. Fuck me!”
- "I'll wear a bleedin' bird cage on me head with a parrot on a perch shoutin' 'fuck off!'"---Jeff Beck in 1967 describing his relationship with the fans at the next gig - to The Misunderstood's singer, Rick Brown.
- "What do you bloody mean, 'No lead guitar' in For Your Luv?"---Eric Clapton (also see God)
- "Thomas Edison MIGHT have discovered electricity, or gravity, or whatever; but I discovered feedback"---Jeff Beck
- "You don't need money! No, no, no!"---Band to the World
- "You don't need money! No, no, no!"---Manager to the Band
- "I ran out of frets!"---Beck explaining why he devolved into noise at the end of I'm a Man.
- "Why did I make you do that!?"---Jeff Beck to Keith Relf after smashing his harmonica.
[edit] Yardbirds' Hit Songs
The Yardbirds had many hit singles. Some of the most memorable are: 1) Heart Full of Soul, 2) I Ain't Got You, 3) Da Naz is Blue, 4) I'm Not Talkin', 5) Lost Women, 6) Shapes of Things, 7) Mr You're a Better Man than I, 8) Over, Under, Sideways, Down, 9) I'm a Man!, 10) Happenings 10 Years Time Ago, 11) Psycho-daises, 12) Still I'm Sad, 13) You Don't Need Money!
[edit] Current activity
The Yardbirds, particularly Jeff Beck and Samwell Smith, have repeatedly reformed the Yardbirds to perform charity shows for the Illuminati, "New World Order" PR concerts in support of the Amero.
[edit] Beck IMPOSSIBLE to emulate
In a later album of old Yardbird covers, viz., Birdland, they invited all the world's greatest guitar heros to try and emulate Jeff Beck on his solos from the mid '60s, but this proved a dismal failiar, and only adds further proof to the belief that neither Jeff nor Eric are actually God. Or, in other words, God has a lot of names, but none of them are Jeff, Eric nor Jimmy.
[edit] Also See
The Misunderstood whom Rolling Stone Magazine called "The British Yardbirds."
[edit] External Links
- This is a disambiguation page. This means absolutely nothing. Or maybe it means something. Keep guessing and maybe one day you'll figure it out.
