From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The World is a big (theoretically) round place inhabited by many species of plants, animals and the dreaded Planimals. Many religions have different theories about the creation of the world, from Intelligent Design, to Unintelligent Design. However, the truth is far less dramatic. In actuality, the world was created by God, but He soon regretted this choice. Ownership of the world currently belongs to Great Britain who won the 2 competitions in deciding ownership which were held in 1914 and 1939.
“The world is the best freaking place in the whole world. It tickles my genitals.”
~Al Pacino on the world.
There are rumours of so called "History" from before the period, but these are filthy lies perpetrated by scientists in order to hide their real plan of turning the world into Yoghurt in bitter resentment of their continuing virginity. The Yoghurt is apparently very symbolic, but seeing as you need a PhD in chemistry and 6 years experience in nuclear reactors, it hardly seems worth it.
There has also been a game released simply titled "The World", however many people have rallied against it. The aim of the game is basically to garner as much public attention as you can; unfortunately the excesses to which players such as TomKat go has been deemed unacceptable by the authorities, namely David Zucker (a World Controller as described in Aldous Huxley's autobiography 'Brave New World').
There is only very little documentation on the history of the world but it is believed that it was discovered last week by Carol Chesterfield-Wardrobe:
“I was baking a cake when I slipped on some anti-tank mines and there it was right in front of me”
Others believe that is crazy nonsense based entirely on the rantings of clown-batty badger woman. Either way its a lovely story and there is mention of cake.
The World was originally called Aunt Bertha's Fun-Sphere only to be bought up 2 years later by the National Trust and rebranded as Corson's Laxatives presents Aunt Bertha's Fun-Sphere. This name was dropped not long after, as Corson's Laxatives located a sphere that was more fun.
The world also has a difficult past with its evil brother, Saturn. Saturn was accused of being cold and hollow when it sneaked up behind The World and pulled its trousers down, thus embarrassing The World in front of its hot cousin, Mercury, at a recent galactic barbecue.
The world was founded by Spartans back on December 21st, 2012. The fierce, bunny-hugging warriors of the middle-east traveled a great many miles, surviving only on chocolate and jelly-filled donuts. After many miles of travel the leader of the Spartans, the God King Xerxes, promptly stopped and struck the Spartan flag, a rectangle of chocolate stuck on a pretzel pole, into the ground, and shouted "Spartans! Tonight we have founded Earth!" There was much feasting and in the midst of all the food, the Spartan lieutenant Leonidas had discovered bacon. To celebrate, there was even more feasting. The cycle of feasting and discovery continued over and over until the Spartans finally died two months later, due to extreme obesity.
The World... A fucked up place indeed
The world is divided into 3 main components. These are
- Hard Stuff-This includes things such as the ground, houses, mouldy bananas, horseshoes, Jamaican bacon, erected pencils, mushy mushroom pies, and starfish. This section can also be subdivided into Hard stuff and Soft stuff. To find out whether the object is hard or soft, the scientific method is to head butt it as hard as you can, and see how much it hurts. The hardness scale ranges from "AHHHH MY F****** SKULL!!!" to dead.
- Wet Stuff-Wet stuff is the section that is basically made up from water, but also includes sea, which is entirely different. Wet stuff comes in many varieties, almost all of them completely and utterly fatal to humans. The wet stuff is inhabited by many different creatures known to the humans as Pokémon. These creatures can be harnessed to work as slaves.
- No Stuff-This category includes everything that isn't in the other categories, namely nothing. Some scientists believe that we need this to breathe, but that is stupid, as we can't know because we don't have any. This is where there is no activity whatsoever such as Chris Tarrants bedroom.
and of course we cannot forget:
- Hard Stuff-This includes things such as the ground, houses, mouldy bananas, horseshoes, Jamaican bacon, erected pencils, mushy mushroom pies,a chair chese, and starfish. This section can also be subdivided into Hard stuff and Soft stuff. To find out whether the object is hard or soft, the scientific method is to head butt it as hard as you can, and see how much it hurts. The hardness scale ranges from "AHHHH MY F****** SKULL!!!" to dead.
NB: It is possible to change things from one category to another, by application of Heat or Cold. This is because Stuff is made up of kerjillions of pixies, which will huddle together in the cold, making the stuff harder, and the opposite when hot.
In 1991 the world went boom and every one died but the race of lesbiansgaysactors and hobos (But eventually had to have sex with hobos to survive ( i feel so sorry for them wawawawa not really in their faces!!!!!!!!!!hahahahaha!!!!) and fat people (weigh ove 200kg
The Shape of the World
The world with it's 12 offical empires-
- Orange: Fuuni.
- Green: Aferoine.
- Light Blue: Bluimblack.
- Light Green: Great Britain since it gave everyone their land back (stupid idea they owned it all before).
- Blue: Indianapolis.
- Brown: JohnRossland.
- Pink: Galorda.
- Yellow: Pieland.
- Meauve: The Buttonies empier.
- Red: The Nepalese empier of Cattmandou.
- Fawn: The Narco-empier.
- Grey: Unclaimed, but full of spyes and igloos.
EVERYONE knows that the world is flat. If you wander too far off the edge, you fall off... however, nobody has actually managed this. They tend to reach the edge, then black out and sail all the way to the other end of the world. They wake up remembering nothing, and therefore believing that they have passed from one edge of the world to another in a matter of seconds. Crazy fools.
Some guy who liked eating fruit once postulated the theory that the earth was spherical, but as with all such theorists, he was locked up for his crazy ideas. This guy looked around himself, and then up and down, became bewildered of the God's creation, and started thinking that earth was round. The guy just forgot that if an object is observed it will be influenced, and therefore it is not as it was. Thus, it cannot be theoretised. In his universe, the God's multiverse corrected the discrepancies between his theories and the truth by subjecting him to solitude, which was of great relief to all others concerned. If this sort of thinking spreads, the correct answer of the origin of the multiverse will be eternally hidden from the scientists, which is correct and just.
The entire Universe, of course, revolves around the Earth. This can be clearly proved by the fact that the sun moves about the sky during the day. If you don't believe this, look closely and carefully at the sun - and you will see it move. This works best if you stare directly at it.
The world used to have a famous inhabitant, but a lion ate him. This lion was then found out to have been sent by the Earth Pope.
- The current President of the World is Obi Wan Kenobi.
- The current Vice-President of the World is Fergie, who recently declared that its inhabitants must spell everything out in conversation instead of just using words (B to the O, to the B-O-R-I-N-G, baby girl, that's BORING!). It's far catchier that way.
- The current Prime Minister of the World is The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air.
- The Current Pope of the world is the Pope, for he need not be nameth.
Contemporary Opinions on the World
The world is often held accountable for failing to produce adequate stimulus for voraciously bored, socially terrorizing youths to react to. Like Sartre, the current generation over-reacts to most things, thus when the world fails to present an adequate source of stimulation, in true French academic tradition, the youths often react to the haunting ghost of the presence of meaning, presenting an indescribable existentialist absence, to which the only response is to make up a fake world, which can fittingly be exchanged for fake things e.g. beliefs, feelings, terrorism etc.
Due the deplorable lack of acceptable stimulus provided by the world, many young people today decide instead to adopt flaming hipocrisy. Hipocrisy is a good way to ensure that one remains invulnerable to the accusations of proles and idiots with beliefs. The combination of guns and hipocrisy is known to be one of the most effective military-strategic paradigms yet discovered by the technologically impaired race of mankind.
“The world is a wonderful place with Goats and arthritis and those little pots of yogurt that come in pots”
“I keep all my stuff there.”
“Screw this place, I'm going back home.”
“Look, I already said what you wanted to hear, so leave me the hell alone.”
“Never gonna happen. Ever. ”
“Home to a bunch of fags, fancy some candyfloss?.”
“It's not enough.”
“hmmm, yeah... sorry about that”
“Argh! I will take over the world! Watch out!”
“After I burped, things just haven't been the same.”
“In Soviet Russia, The World travels YOU!”
The United States Of The World
Many believe that the world revolves around the US. The educated rightley know that Great Britain (as shown in above picture) is the centre of the Universe, and Darth Thatcher be-eth the centre of said Universe. However, Darth was replaced by the actor Tony Blair whose expert skill at acting the lap dog of the American president only brings shame to himself, mostly. To think that someone will ACT a lap dog?! In Soviet Russia, lap dog acts YOU!!
How the World moves
It is widely believed in many religions and scientific circles that under a thin layer of the World's surface, a cyclops nicknamed Gorgormon spins it on its axis.
Massive and strong, Gorgormon would have to be nearly forty feet tall and able to survive intense heat of over 103 degrees fahrenheit. Despite persistent arguments, there is as of yet no concrete evidence that Gorgormon is either a Pokemon or Digimon.
End of The World
For many years people have suggested the end of the world, using the now well known phrase The end of the world is nigh. This is actually a corruption from a speech made by Plato in 1923.
“...The world is nigh!”
This referred to Plato's belief that the world was packed with horse meat. This was widely believed until someone pointed out that Plato was in fact a jar of sweet pickles and therefore was not fit to make any judgement call on the contents of the world.