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“Who The Fuck Are You?”
“You need to keep to schedules as a musician. Unfortunately, sometimes conflicts can't be avoided”
The Who (AKA The What, The Where, The When and The How) is a classic rock/Electro dancing band from the pits of Hell (Norfolk) known for their stage act of playing guitars at maximum volume and then destroying them in a sexual fashion, all the while singing "Hey Nonny-No" and prancing around the stage like complete lunatics. The Who have released over seven bazillion albums, each one of which went on to sell well over ten trillion copies worldwide. Polka Rock has never been the same since. They composed several youth anthems and the CSI soundtrack.
What many people don't know is that The Who were originally known as The Flossynossypaedophilicifications, but after constantly being referred to as "the who?", soon adopted the name. They then changed their name to the Detours, then back to The Who, then to the High Numbers, then back to the Detours, then to the New Detours, then back to The Who, then back to the High Numbers, and then to the World Health Organization.
It is trufax that the members of the Who are always good. The people that those members are attached to are alright as well.
The asshole of the band, Moon was described as "daffy" for his outrageous and rebellious antics both on and off stage, including (but not limited to):
- Biting the head off a Teddy Gram and then eating... a dog.
- Urinating on the band and himself, licking it off until he could be sick over his kit, and then playing it, claiming the vomit added to the sound.
- Sucking lead singer Davy Daltry's toes mid-song.
- Making love to his drum kit.
- Ordering one of everything on a hotel room service menu except for badger soup, of which he would always order two.
- Destroying his drum kit, then using shards of the kit to attack random audience members.
- Missing flights so he could throw televisions into hotel swimming pools.
- Stopping a show mid-performance and pumping 'sexy back' while stripping.
- Driving into a swimming pool and drowning (that was his best one).
- Ripping in half the wives of people he disliked.
- Taking horse tranquilizers before every show.
- Passing out from said horse tranquilizers. (actually happened)
- Making random idiots in the audience drum for him while he was nearly dead from said horse tranquilizers.
- Drumming with the limbs of roadies and audience members.
- Shoving dynamite up the arse of a policeman.
- Snorting anthrax with the Pope.
- Throwing shit at the audience.
- Whacking off on stage or was that Jim Morrison?
- And, as a finale, conjuring the devil to breathe down their throats, dissolve their testicles and turn their intestines into snakes.
- Blowing up the toilets in hotel rooms. (actually happened)
The bass guitarist. John Entwistle is one of few Ents in British popular music. He earned the nickname "The Ox" because he never bathed and smelled like an ox. He also was "the bored one" because he never smiled when the other Wholigans smashed their equipment painfully. When he was a young boy, he was held in captivity by a monstrous spider, which he called by the most awful name he could think of, "Boris." Entwistle is most commonly known for playing the greatest whistle solo of all time in "My Generation." He is the Roman God of the Whistle! He is also quite well known for his abilities as a bassist. He uses a unique style using all 6 fingers of his right hand. He learned to play the bass by means of apprenticing with centaurs and by selling his soul to the Devil. But it was only when he travelled to the Andes to masturbate the holy llama of the horny mountains that he fully developed the fingering technique he is renowned for. He was the best bassist (and whistler) in the world, and now is being forcibly held captive by Satan himself for His enjoyment. Experts argue that if only Captain Oblivious knew where hell was, he would surely save Entwistle. If only Captain Atheist would help him find it!
Born on December 25, 0 BC; thought to be Jesus's twin brother. He was sexually abused as a child (some call his abuser "Uncle Ernie") which explains why he dances like he has a hot potato in his pants. Contrary to popular belief he was not born with a Gibson in his arms. Instead, it was brought to him by a fourth wise man who mistook him for Christ. After hearing of his mistake, the wise man exiled himself to America and founded the Mennonite religion. He has been in a heated relationship with Davy Daltry since the Battle for Middle Earth in 3050. Pete has written many love songs about Daltry's hair such as: Who's the Dude With the Hair That Looks Like Creamed Corn?, I Love Yellow People, and the smash hit "Sexy Back". Lives today happily with Davy and popular singer/songwriter George Michael in a van down by the river. Wrote Album Tommy. Funnily enough he was the first Japanese ballerina to do the Swan Lake backwards up David Geffen's anus.
Commonly referred to as "wot!?!?!?" since that's his reply to everything. Lost his voice in the 2006 tour; still looking for it. Found it with the passport he lost last year (1385), only to see it had been in a baby's mouth for a month. It is heard that it was lost when the old geezer did the scream to "Won't Get Fooled Again", and his old geezer lungs couldn't handle it. He has a small acting career (only shorter than the man himself, who is 4'11"), including when he guest starred on CSI, but it doesn't matter since no one watches that show anyway.
Also known for his intense sex appeal, he has been known to set up a ticket distributor outside his hotel rooms for all his hoes... He's got a few.
He is technically an appliance, and can be found at participating retailers.
This guy is known as John Bundrick, he plays piano on many of the early The Who albums. He is not a official member of the band, however many sites has credited him for playing on those albums.
A Brief History
The Who formed in the year 1963 because there was a large calling for confusing band names that cannot be searched easily in Google. Ex: The Band, The Guess Who, The The, A-Ha and Let's Be Pretentious. It started with Roger "bumping" into John on the street, after many weeks of stalking him. Roger famously asked John "Wot he was carrying" refering to his large bass fish. To which John replied with many years of silence. After many weeks of Roger asking him dim questions, he finally allowed him to join his band. Pete then showed up after arriving out of a bubble and stated his place in the band and that they need more musical sensationalism. Even though no one really knew what the hell he was talking about, they allowed him to be the leader. After weeks of touring, the band felt something was missing. Keith "Ginger Sort Of Vision" Moon appeared and saved them from many years of undestruction and sober nights. One night he came up to the band and said "I can beat the shit out of your drummer better than him." To which he did. This was the start of the English derrogative "bloody".
After the band was fully formed, they toured a little more, did covers of songs no one has heard for thirty years, and FINALLY found a record producer, Shel Talmy, after changing their band name more than ten trillion times. Because the members of the band were forced to be part of the "mod" movement in Britain, they were suggested to change their band name over forty thousand times a week. Some suggestions they had were "The High Letters," "One Way," and "Stop Sign." In the end, Talmy changed their name to "The Who" again, after the band joined Talmy as "The Dicks."
By 1966, The Who changed producers after a sexual harrassment suit was filed by The Who in regards to Talmy's constant groping of the band's..."instruments". Kit Lambert, who was homosexual but did not have any interest in The Who's sexy "instruments", decided to produce their next album. From there, their careers were assured. After several years, they recorded one mod album, three rock operas (one of them failed due to Pete Townshend's habitual usage of the word "wank"), and two compilation albums with one featuring all of The Who's outtakes. One outtake was rumored to have John Entwistle's farting in the background, but that claim has since been unsubstantiated, since one could argue Entwistle's bass sounded like a very melodious fart. If that one was Peter Griffin.
The Who were active in 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975, 1976, and 1977. But in 1978 Keith Moon shot himself...and fully recovered in a nearby hospital. However, he acted entirely irrational and was reported to have bitten a nurse in the chest region. For that, he was remanded to Tommy's Holiday Mental Hospital on September 17, 1978. The Who considered him "dead" at that point, since it was certain he was never coming back.
They replaced Moon with Kenney Jones, Moon's first cousin's roomate, as the drummer. The Who then recorded two more albums featuring Jones's amazing, basic 4/4 drum technique that sounded SO EXACTLY like Keith Moon's inconsistent drumming. After that, they stopped making albums assuming themelves to be "split up," only to perform a quadrillion more concerts starting the day after their Farewell Tour in 1982.
Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are the only surviving Who members. They alone released one more album in 2006 and mooched off the drumming skills of Ringo Starr's son Zak Starkey. John Entwistle sadly died of stripper overdose three years before, and Pete Townshend reportedly quoted Entwistle as a "Lucky bastard" upon his death. The two Who members now spend their time reminiscing about their active years, and are purported to be making another new album, "We Finally Found Out We Are Too Old To Do This Garbage Now."