From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Союз Советских Социалистических Республик
People's Glorious and Eternal Union of Soviet Socialist Republics
|Motto: "Four legs good, Two legs bad"|
|Anthem: Back in the U.S.S.R. - Beatles|
|Official language(s)||Russian, Ukrainian|
|Government||The perfect system that is Communism|
|‑ General Premier||Comrade Stalin|
|‑ Fearless Leader||Comrade Medvedev|
|National hero(es)||Comrade Lenin, |
|Established||The Glorious Revolution has always been, always is, and always shall be.|
|Religion||Church of Stalin|
|Major exports||Vodka, Women, Ak-47s|
|Major imports||Workers Unions, Oppression, Guns, Nazis, Winter|
The People's Glorious and Eternal Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (Template:Lang-ru), commonly known as the Soviet Union, is currently the most politically and economically powerful nation in the world. In recent times, Soviet Union have been cited for unprecedented advances in nearly all fields of human study, and have long exceeded primitive Capitali$t technology!
The Soviet Union was the first nation to send an object into space. It was known as Sputnik, which was sent to bring communism to aliens. After that, they sent a monkey, then a man, then a city, then their country into space. They also were the first to harness nuclear power. Their methods to harness this immense power was by splitting and torturing baby atoms for science. They also created an atomic reactor to heat the atoms up to 8 billion degrees Fahrenheit, which outraged many atomic rights groups.
They also had a scientist who made a bullshit table of elements.
- First Object in Space
- First man in space
- First animal in space
- First satellite in space
- First table made out of all the elements
- Lots of Physics 
- ↑ Ignoring the manhole cover launched into space by the US as part of a nuclear test "Project Plumbbob" in Nevada desert in 1957.
- ↑ Ignoring the pilot of the German V2 in 1946
- ↑ Ignoring the fact the the German pilot of the V2 was also an animal
- ↑ Ignoring the moon
- ↑ Ignoring the work of English chemist John Newlands in 1865
- ↑ Ignoring the work of every other nation on Earth
Their secret was having a lot of people screaming ideas until they combined (math, laser, nuke) and then did all the fun science.
The Soviet Union had the highest literacy rate in the world because they made education free and for everybody under communism because without money all go to college, this way the Soviet Union managed to make school compulsory and teach them science, propaganda for the Soviet Union, math, more propaganda, humanites, propaganda, lunch, propaganda. then they had homework full of encrypted propaganda messages.
The religion was a main cause for dispute in the early 20s, when the glorious Chairman rounded all religious persons up, and kept them cryogenically frozen for the next fifty years, when later the technology existed to transport these people to a galaxy far away. It has often been hoped that an alien race has somehow been able to revert these changes and cultivated the people on some distant planet, and very rarely passages from the Bible are picked up via transmission from outer space.
The Soviet Union to this day is rabidly atheist.
The armed forces of the Eternal Empire have been credited for many of the greatest feats in ancient and modern military history. The Soviet forces have first been credited for liberating people from some of the most oppressed regions of the world. This includes liberating Berlin from the oppression of our eternal
allies enemies the Nazis, Afghanistan from the Evil Empire, Atlantis from the Narwhals and the Ukrainians from themselves. Besides ridding the world of evil people, the glorious Soviet military has also had to defend the eternal Motherland from Capitali$t pigs who make it their life goal to bring down the perfect Communist system. Such enemies have included the likes of Nero, Napoleon, Hitler, Evil Jesus, Julius Caesar and Zeus.
edit Glorious Soviet Army
The Soviet Union has the greatest military in the world. Enough said. However, for the Capitali$t scum who wish to diminish the credibility of our country's glorious armed forces, we offer this detailed list of our glorious military regiments.
Infantry - Infantry regiments are the backbone of any Soviet army, and the Motherland is no exception. These regiments are made up of legions of stormtroopers, dwarven spheres, and klingon warriors. They throw potatoes because real hand grenades are considered more valuable than the actual infantry.
Elite Units - Juggernauts, Predators, War Bears and Jedi.
Heavy Weaponry - Ancient Dragons and Dwarven Centurions. The latter ride on Mammoth Tanks. No joke, they're actually Woolly Mammoths with a double-barreled tank turret mounted on the back.
Doomsday Weapons - "Tsar Bomba", the Death Star, Vodkanuclear bombs, and Vladimir Putin.
edit Rise to Power
He used 500 Communist robots to conquer 30% of Eurasia. He anticipated this could take up to 45 years or more, but fortunately, it only took 15 days. The robots he built were so efficient they could each destroy 20,000 capitalist pigs per day. They were self-sustaining, God-fearing machines capable of human emotions. Their fate was to be launched into the vacuum of space for feeling pain, comfort, happiness, and fear.
After the purging of the Eurasian weaklings, Johan impregnated every healthy woman within a 300 kilometer radius to produce a whole slew of followers. These children would later become the Democratic/Progressive Party and would soon politely convince The World to follow their ideology.
Perhaps most notable accomplishment of the Soviets was the coining the now widely used term LOL. Russian for "comrade," it was a word developed to stand either before or after every sentence, phrase, word, or letter. For example, the sentence "Comrade, you've tested positive for AIDS" would be translated loosely to "LOL you have AIDS!" And now our internet sounds like a pack of twelve year-old retards all hopped up on paint thinner. It also created the HIV/AIDS Virus in order to rid the world of Homosexuals.
edit Political Aggression
The Soviet Union is known for having many contries join it, because its awesome.They also created and spread the aids virus which they created for the destruction of homosexuals. In recent times the Soviet Union has used their sneaky companies such as Walmart to invade Western society. In 2009 USSR spy a.k.a. Feliks Josefivich Zykov became the advisor to U.S. president Barrack Obama.Slowly Zykov secretly influences the country to let beloved Communism to trickle into the government. Also the USSR created the creature we call the ANT, which are really secret spy bots. The USSR has been around since the dawn of time. Every war waged is of their doing. Violent video games are created by the USSR in order to train the people of the world for their reign, The Soviets wish to spread the glories of Communism to the troubled world. Their greatest Enemies are The LGBT community, Mormons (aka morons), Canada, The United Kingdom, and Capitalists.
The Soviets are also keen on using music to implant sleeper cells into the brains of unsuspecting Capitalists. Such musicians are Rebecca Black (Original alias: Vladimir Putin) and the Trololol Guy. You didn't think this is ACTUALLY music, did you?
edit USSR Today
It is widely believed that the Soviet Union ceased to exist in 1991, but it lives, and is still one of the world's superpowers. It's current leader is "Lenstalarx" a super human clone made from Lenin's, Stalin's and Marx Dna. The US was merely a puppet state, their real enemies are the Swiss. The Soviet-Swiss Pact of 1991 officially bound the two nations into an alliance, because the Soviet Union and Switzerland would have bombed themselves into oblivion. The truce still holds today, but recent tensions have led to renewed fears of a nuclear holocaust. As of 2009, the Swiss have entered into a massive economic decline due to its dwindling illegal money transfers made from American drug lords. The present-day Soviet underworld have subsequently made recent advances in the current global balance of power.