Sun

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A great rarity: How the Sun looks in negative.

A great rarity: How the sun looks in the morning.

A great rarity: How the sun looks from California.

The sun (sol) is in the contellation...ummmm...solarlalion

Note: The Moon is not to be confused with The Sun which is a British Tabloid Newspaper, famous for its coverage of exciting sports like Cloud Hunting and the popular "page 3" in which the whory semi-naked chimp-dressed-as-a-woman appears daily. Also, were you perhaps looking for UnBooks:The Sun? Or John Prescott?

“Oscar Wilde said that sunsets were not valued because we could not pay for sunsets. But Oscar Wilde was wrong; we can pay for sunsets. We can pay for them by not being Oscar Wilde.”

~ G. K. Chesterton on The Sun.

“Oh, fuck you, Chesterton! I said 'some sets,' and I was talking about betting on cricket matches. You ass-fucking, homosexual, fat ass, dick-sucking, dress-wearing, faggoty, fucking shit wad of a whore.”

~ Oscar Wilde on G. K. Chesterton

“Sun is hot.”

~ Captain Obvious on The Sun

“HAVE YOU SEEN THE SUN?!”

~ Kevin Shannon, Irish Movie Critic on The Sun

John Prescott is a massive dense ball of gas at the intersection of Sun St. SW and Sun Avenue with a gravity that pulls the entire universe into orbit. It glows for twelve hours a day or so, depending on whether local governments paid their sunshine bill. Since its invention in 1866 by famous American inventor Thomas Edison, Earth has received as much light and warmth as it can pay for. The original sun, a glowing ball of eternal fire, was extinguished and replaced by Freemason scientists. The sun is also not to be confused with a giant glow in the dark fish.

The Sun is revered by many things, including small children, llamas, and proletarians. Some primitive religions worship the Sun as a God.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Sun.

[edit] History

Rogers, Rogerson, Morris, and Sir Smith-Watterkey discovering the Sun while ejaculating to cheap pornography.

Popular belief of where the sun is located.

The Sun has been discovered at least three times.

• Invented in 1866 by famous American inventor Thomas Edison.
• In 1609 it was pre-discovered by the great astronomer Giovanni Galilei, elder brother of Galileo. Giovanni, who was an excellent craftsman also manufactured the first Hubble telescope. The Sun was discovered short after when unfortunate Giovanni directed his new tool to what he assumed was an unusual strong reflection of an aeroplane. In the turmoil that followed by Giovannis sudden blindness young Galileo stole his telescope, wrongfully claiming credit for having made it himself seeing as patent laws weren't enforced, or invented for that matter, for a few more hundred years.
• The Sun was pre-pre-discovered as early as 1032 by vikings, or and even earlier by chimpanzees, amoebas, and lichen.

In 1919, the Sun was at the centre of an intense controversy when it was rumoured that it had an affair with Mrs. Kelly Harrington of Southampton, England. At first, the Sun tried to deny it, but was caught when police discovered that third-degree burns over 100% of the woman's body. The Sun then tried to claim that it must have been its brother or cousin, but no brother or cousin to the Sun has ever turned up. The Sun was fined fifty pounds, and given a whippin' in the town square.

[edit] Colonization of the Sun

• Once the Sun was discovered in 1609, European monarchies began funding expeditions to the Sun in an attempt to hoard large amounts of gold. First expeditions failed because the sailors refused to eat the fruits and vegetables given to them, quote, "Stop shoving strawberries and blueberries in my mouth..." - anonymous sailor. Regardless of being fully aware of scurvy and other health problems related to vitamin-c deficiency, the sailors did not eat a single fruit, and all but one died. The sailor, upon returning to France with a ship littered with dead sailors, was accused of treason and was charged 2 dollars (equivalent to 8 billion dollars in 2009).

• The second attempt to colonize the sun was unsuccessful because the ship lacked any oxygen retaining device whatsoever, and none of the sailors survived more than a minute in Earth's outer orbit. It was thus discovered that humans required oxygen to survive. Finally, an expedition sent by England succeeded in reaching the sun, and founding a colony on the sun. Several months later, the Spanish and Portuguese also travelled and conquered various parts of the Sun.

• Because of the Sun's inexistant winter season, and molten lava containing large amounts of minerals making it very fertile land for cultivation, early settlers encountered little to no difficulty. The Native population was rapidly wiped out by trickery - Europeans would bring ice cubes and trick the Sun Humans into thinking they were expensive crystals. Needless to say, ice cubes were very toxic for the Sun Humans, and they all instantly died.

the latest expeditions to the moon are running smoothly as technology has advanced since the first sun expedition in 1906. the main mission now is retrieving the lost sun human fossils as the SOVIET UNION have just discovered that the sun humans are there ancient ancesters from which they have all decended. BILLIONS of russian money (better known as shells) are spent every month to borrow american space rockets to retrieve the ancesteral bones. this is running the russian communist economy to the ground.

[edit] Sun Tarantulas

The settlers uncovered a large cuccoon filled with what they believed to be gold. They opened it, releasing the Sun Tarantulas from their 1000 years of imprisonement by the Sun Humans. Sun Tarantulas, although varying in height, have been sighted to be as tall as 3 meters and 4 meters in width. Capable of devouring 16 humans a second, traveling in space, and reading the minds of humans, the Sun Tarantulas wiped out the settlers, and embarked on their quest to eat the humans of earth. Travelling in space at a speed of 30 km/h (the international space speed limit), their year of departure being 1612, they should arrive in the year 2181 to kill all humans and wiping our civilization clean off the face of the earth.

[edit] How It Works

“If you stare at me long enough, it will rain candy, money, and hot babes!”

~ The Sun

How the Sun works is quite simple: Magic. For three-hundred and sixty four days of the year, the Sun is powered by Santa on a bicycle inside the Sun. On 12.01 AM, Christmas Eve, Santa leaves the Sun so he can deliver presents. This makes America very cold and Australia very warm. For a whole day, the Sun doesn't shine.

Once Santa finishes delivering presents, however, he consumes 7,000 pixie sticks in one go, then an entire satsuma, followed by three rocket cans of PowerThirst. This allows him to pedal extremely fast, thus melting the ice that had formed on Earth.

Scientologists disagree. They claim it is, in fact, Xena who does this in order to rid the universe of Funyuns.

Originally, Jesus pedalled for Santa when he was out delivering presents. Unfortunately, Jesus pedalled too fast and the Sun began to destroy the Earth due to the great heat. A talented (yet invariably near-sighted) archer named William Tell fired at the Sun and made it go out, thus saving Earth. He later related this story to a bunch of Asian migrants shortly before he shot his son's head off an apple.

[edit] The star closest to Earth

The sun is a large glowing cube made of love (-10%), iron (72%), hydrogen (20%), helium (11%), estrogen (2%), mercury (1%) and heavier elements such as your mom (1%). The presence of mercury in the Sun's composition explains its innate ability to float in mid-air, a property shared with Globe. Amounts of these elements vary over a 27-hour period. This variation in composition results in the setting and rising of the sun, as well as the seemingly unpredictable polling results of Ralph Nader.

The longer-term 365-day hydrogen-helium interdictory dynamic equilibrium period was discovered in the year 1034; the subsequent genetic displacement eventuating in the Crusades. Owning to the glowing red and orange hue [1] of sun up until 1930 it was believed that the surface of sun was hot or at least lukewarm but after the successful solar lander, Laika (the first man on sun), this theory was debunked and has been completely disrobed. This has lead to all scientist and more importantly all music artists, now unanimously agreeing to the fact that the glowing red and orange effect is a consequence of all the light it reflects from the moon^[2].

The sun is also slang for a shopping list containing the entry "Milk".

The sun is as flat as Earth. This was proven in 2015 by satellite images from the Mir Space Station.

The sun rotates around the earth by intelligent rotation.

The copyright for the sun was been acquired by SCO at Stardate 6301.8, which is why human vision diminishes into darkness after staring at the sun for longer than exactly 7.43 minutes. This phenomenon is intensified if used in conjunction with Linux, and can be controlled by extensive application of widgets. It is believed that staring into the sun will make you immortal like Oprah and fill you with thoughts of killer whales eating moose at Denny's.

The first man to orbit the sun was Yuri Gagarin, and thus the sun is officially claimed by Russia. This is disputed, however, by Uranus.

Lunar eclipses are basically the sun being blocked by the moon or the fat man.

[edit] Characteristics

Wonderful sunset! Srsly, this is so Windows.

See also: sunlight, gravity, dank nugs

[edit] Technology Company

SUN (SunOS UNIX Nerds) Microsystems, Inc. is a producer of computer hardware, enterprise software, and engineers whose arrogance is only surpassed by GNU/GNU developers. Sun manufactures workstations and servers based upon UltraSPARC processors, which are known widely for their excellent scalability, and for their track record of electrocuting systems administrators. However, it is rumored that Sun plans to abandon SPARC in favor of the PA-RISC family of processors, which are produced by Sun's biggest ally, HP.

Sun also produces Solaris, the original UNIX which formed the basis of SVR4. In addition, Sun develops Java, an abstract interface for caffeinated beverage distribution and consumption that is evil because it is distributed under a license that is not GPL compatible.

Sun came to prominence in the 1980s largely by kicking the tailend of the DEC VAX.

In contrast to Sun Microsystems' business policy, God released the source code to the sun under the terms of the GPL. However, Albert Einstein sued for patent infringement, saying he invented the concept of nuclear reactions far before God did. That's why Einstein is dead now.

[edit] What will our planets do when the sun dies?

In 4 or 5 billion years the big yellow ball will look more like a giant burning ruby. It will balloon to the size of our current orbit. Mercury will be obliterated, swallowed up, engulfed and/or destroyed (there is also a theory that it will be used for the great universal thermometer). The only good news is that both Earth and Venus will cunningly move further away from sun, preventing themselves from being consumed unto the ultimate hellfire of god's divine judgment. The down side is Earth will be so hot it will be unable to support life and become a large cinder without water or air. Humanity will relocate at gas giant's largest icy moons where the temperature will have become comfortable and melted the ice into crystal blue oceans, like they have in the Caribbean, which is one of the bright sides. After a while sun will blow up leaving a tiny white speck and all will slowly become become gloomy and black. After the explosion occurs, any surviving remains of the entire solar system (or whatever the aliens are calling it then) will be sucked to the centre and crushed to a condensed cold, black. lifeless form. Blackness. The blackness is coming.

[edit] Another Point of View

The sun seen here pouring two scoops of raisins on a crunchy Earth swimming in milk.

The sun is a mystical red thing that is most like a dandelion or a bloody scab that George Bush picked off and ate.

The sun doesn't care about you. It's just a nuclear weapon that hasn't finished killing us yet.

[edit] Trivia

Trivia sections are hot!

The article could be improved by reading it upside-down, or something, I dunno. Did you know it's impossible to lick your own elbow? Unless you're some kind of freak.

IT BURNS!!!! AH MY EYE'S

• The sun has what plants crave.its got Electrolytes!
• Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to fly to the sun, as long as it it is done in a spaceship attached to a huge, shiny umbrella and a really big exploding Rubik's cube. However, if you let a Chinese guy do any math involved with the ship, you will invariably blow up, freeze, pop, or be attacked by a crazy guy, in no particular order.
• It is possible to live on the sun, by applying sun block SPF Eleventy-Kajillion.
• The Sun got it's name from the popular British newspaper of the same name, but lots of people thought that calling the big shiny thing in the sky the "Manchester Guardian" was a bit silly if you didn't live there so they invented a new name.
• A close friend of The Moon, the sun can be identified by his hat, which he usually wears when he comes out to play, though unfortunately due to hot-ness the hat normally melts by about tea-time. (A melt-free hat is available from your local WalMart, price NineGigaTonnes).
• Some poeple have neighbours who have large black glassy things to generate electricity from the sun, they are called nitwits because they only generate enough electricity to run a dildo for 20 seconds.
• The sun is home to a wide variety of exotic fish, Oompa Loompas, the sunflower and several kinds of cheese.
• One high point in the sun's long and distinguished career was in the Hindenburg Disaster of June 17 1376, wherein he transformed into a giant robot to scare off a group of derederevisionist assassins.
• If you play your cards right, it could be known as The Carl.
• The Scandanavian ska band, Hermans Hermits, covered the Sun's 1934 hit single "Free of Diseases" on their 1988 album "Knee Deep in the Beat".
• The Sun is lighter than water, therefore it floats in water. You can try this at home.
• The game "Golden Sun" is a parody of our sun, it features a secret dungeon where you climb up a sun and restore peace to a town which has people turned into suns by the holy sun (not to be confused with Golden Shower).
• The sun has repeatedly denied rumors that it has slept with Mick Jagger.
• Mick Jagger has three suns.
• According to the Theory of Relativity, the sun was formed when Sun Microsystems suddenly expanded from a point of nothingness into a huge ball of flaming noobium.
• The sun was born in Sun City, a place in South Africa where it was okay to be racist provided you had enough money for the poker table.
• SunCream is a tasty relish made from desolinised sun drops.
• Every major religion in human history including Christianity was secretly a sun worship cult.
• The Sun was the birthplace of Guns 'n Roses lead singer Kerry Anne-Kennely.

[edit] Ozone layer

The Earth, surrounded by its ozone layer. Note the thinness of the ozone layer at the north and south poles.

Following the disappearance of dinosaurs on Earth because of sun exposure, benevolent Atlanteans constructed the Earth's ozone layer in order to shield Earth's living organisms from the Sun's harmful ultraviolet rays.

The ozone layer is a giant ball of shit on the top of our earth that has come up with wacky ideas to make people believe in global warming!

The ozone layer is gradually disappearing, and the experts are idly asking: "Where to?". However, the more important question is "When?".

As it turns out, from the get-go, the Atlanteans fully expected the ozone layer to be gradually depleted through normal wear and tear by the year 2052. And they have always planned to return to Earth in 2102 (based on available windows of opportunity for hyperspace travel), to install a new ozone layer.

Therefore, there is no need to panic. All life will only stop existing for fifty years or so.

[edit] The Sun: Man's Natural Enemy?

The sun's swift and mighty vengeance

Indeed, the sun is man's natural and greatest enemy. Because of the sun, people get sunburns, sunfreezes, sunstrokes, sunbutterflystrokes, sundoggypaddles, sunblock, sununblock and sunblack. Those who dare venture into the realm of light either A). Instantly explode/burn or B). Get Suncancer. People who are endangered by the sun include, but are not limited to, Nerds, Emos, Goths, Grues, Snakes on a plane, Satan, Your mom, This guy, Vampires, People who think they are Vampires and Pandas. So please, whatever you do, never expose yourself to pure sunlight. Board up your windows, lock your doors and hide in your basement, because the sun is coming to get you! Wear baggy clothes, cover yourself in your own crap, hide in a box, do anything to make sure your skin never even thinks about the sun. Please heed this warning, and protect yourself today!

In recent decades, people have attempted to destroy the sun. It is usually most successful when you sneak up on it during sunset and strangle it to death. However, nobody has tried this yet, but some have attempted to launch nuclear missiles at the sun during high noon. They faced swift counterattacks.

[edit] Do we really need the sun?

Yes we do. Without it all of us men will turn in women and start getting periods. The woman will turn as fat as that fat guy from Borat. And the women who already weigh more than that guy will die of heartattacks and face raping monkeys will rape their faces while the Boogeyman will rape their dead, fat bodies!

[edit] See also

• Who built the moon
• The Midnight Sun
• Apartments on the sun for rent
• Dawn

[edit] The Sun Newspaper

During its nights off our star the sun produces a scum-rag tabloid newspaper of vast evil proportions called The Sun, that brainwashers its readship with coloured pictures and a great pair of tits on page three everyday and we're not talking about Richard and Judy as the sun shows on real tits. In its several thousand year existence it has never once had an article which is grammatically correct although it has corrupted many a young schoolboy. Owned by Mad Murdoch from the A-team it goes about destroying all competition with plenty of jibber-jabber.

[edit] References

1. ^  Another random glowing circle in the sky but believed to be bigger in size

v • d • e             Planets
●
Confirmed (Solar System): Freddie Mercury / Mercury | Venus | Earth/Lyons/iEarth/World (The Moon) | Disney World | Planet Hollywood | Mars | Planet Google | Globe | Roseanne | Jupiter | Saturn | Uranus / Youranus / Myanus | Neptune
Confirmed (Extrasolar): Uncyclopedia | Darwin IV | Discworld | Lexicon | Wikipedia | Pizza Planet | Polkadottia | Gliese 581 c | 55 Cancri e
Dwarf planets: Ceres | Pluto | 2003 UB313 | Jay Leno's Chin | Xanax
Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron
Denied by CIA: Irk | Krypton | Michigan | Neopia | Tiamat | Nibiru | Magrathea
In a galaxy far, far away: Alderaan | Coruscant | Tatooine
Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Earth | Qo'noS | xxEarth Cxx
Loner Planets: Wisconsin | Your Mom

i love the sun the great nutreants you get are fablical and improve your****** needs