The Speck of Dust Next to My Keyboard

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 03:13, January 24, 2010 by MadMax (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
Keyboard
Something is wrong here and I just don't know what!

The speck of dust next to my keyboard is a particle, 400 micrometers in diameter, of an unknown (although dirty) substance that landed on my desk, approximately three centimeters from the left side of my keyboard in early AD 2006.

edit History

Since its discovery, it has endured the pain of two wars and countless aggravating outside stimuli, but it perseveres. The speck, though it has not made any direct contributions to its surrounding environment, has impacted numerous people, organizations, and societies around the world. These achievements will be discussed in more detail later.

edit Early Life

Dusts
The Speck of Dust

The speck seems to have grown up on its own during a long period which lacked dusting. It never knew its parents; they were probably dusted away while it was but an infant. Its existence was only discovered recently when I found my computer again.

edit The First War

At first a valiant attempt was made to destroy the speck of dust next to my keyboard. It somehow managed to survive the barrage of finger-based attacks it received. The idea of removing it from its position next to the keyboard (and thereby destroying its identity) failed miserably.

edit The Second War

After a brief period of peace following the First War, there came a second War of the Dust, which consisted of fierce, water-filled assaults from above which tried to wash the particle into oblivion. This, in turn, failed, probably due to the insipidly eternal nature of the speck of dust next to my keyboard.

edit Aftermath

Since the second war it has not been destroyed by any means, natural or otherwise; this leads some to speculate that it will live forever.

edit Statistics

The speck of dust next to my keyboard has proven to be far more enduring than the average dust particle. Though most particles do not live past five minutes of exposure to light, the one next to my keyboard has lived for months, surprisingly without food or water. It is also 20% darker, 15% bigger and 35% heavier than the average dust particle. Its sleep cycle is based on an unconventional 16-hour day.

edit Philosophical Implications and the Nature of Reality

Due to the unusual nature of its existence, the speck of dust next to my keyboard has opened a Pandora's box of philosophical implications. Some believe that the particle is proof that the universe was created through intelligent design, but how they came to this conclusion is not easily understood or readily accepted. A few outlandish theories claim that the entire universe exists only in the mind of the dust particle.

edit Consciousness

The speck of dust next to my keyboard was recently proven to be a living, breathing organism. Its consciousness resides in a tiny brain-like organ inside its outer dusty shell. It does not seem, however, to feel the need to assert the truth of its own consciousness in any way.

edit Controversy

Controversy abounds over the speck of dust next to my keyboard. All accusations of homosexuality (see below) aside, serious evidence that the speck was involved in criminal activities exists. It is strongly believed by some to be a carrier of illegal substances ("dust" being its word for cocaine), but it has not yet been taken to court.

edit Widespread Hysteria

The idea (and popular threat made by the government of Oceania) that specks of dust will start to appear next to other people's keyboards is a complete fabrication. There is no speck of dust like the one next to my keyboard on Earth, nor is there any chance of any others forming in the future.

Unfortunately this information is not known to the general public, and the speck of dust next to my keyboard has indeed caused widespread hysteria and general discord through much of the eastern United States. Steps to alleviate the problem are being taken by the government, though how long it will take before the public's fears are fully assuaged is not yet known.

edit Conspiracy Theories

Main Article: Conspiracy Theories About the Speck of Dust Next to My Keyboard

Enemies of the speck of dust next to my keyboard have repeatedly claimed that it is involved in a number of conspiracies, but with little evidence to support them most of the claims have been withdrawn.

edit Sexuality

There is widespread speculation over whether the speck of dust was homosexual. It is known that the particle has been living with another male particle for the past month; some see this as proof and have urged it to "come out of the closet," but as it is not in a closet this seems impossible.

edit In the Media

Details on the private life of the speck of dust next to my keyboard--its relationships, social activities, etc.--continue to fill tabloids and news shows daily.

edit Pop Culture References

There have been numerous references to the speck of dust next to my keyboard in popular culture.

edit Legacy

To this day, the speck of dust next to my keyboard continues to have a profound impact on world events, including involvement in the anti-terrorism war and a campaign to aid Third World countries. Its legacy will certainly live on, far beyond the speck's own existence (providing it does eventually die, which is not certain.)

edit Depictions in Literature, Poetry, Art etc.

The speck of dust next to my keyboard has been alluded to countless times in creative works over the ages.

  • Its early struggles served as a model for those of Ender in Orson Scott Card's science fiction classic Ender's Game.
  • Charles Dickens' unfinished novel, The Mystery of Edwin Drood, was supposed to be an allegory for the life of the speck of dust.
  • Rudyard Kipling's The White Man's Burden was originally titled The Dust Speck's Burden, and was to be a sympathetic poem illustrating its burdens in life. As the public lost interest in the speck of dust next to my keyboard, however, Kipling decided to change it.
Dust birth
"The Birth of the Speck" by Dutha Ongogbalro. This painting recently sold for $120 million.

edit Bibliography

  • Spengler, Oswald. The Decline and Fall of Dust Particles. London: Oxford University Press, 1998.
  • (10 December 1948). Universal Declaration of Human Rights. United Nations.
  • (10 October 2004). "The Shocking, Life-Changing Truth About That Speck of Dust." Fox News Online.
  • The Encyclopedia of the Famed Speck of Dust. Vol. XXVIII. New York: Harvard University Press, 1337. Ed. Strauss, Leo.
Preceded by:
Another Speck of Dust
Object 2 cm to the Left of My Keyboard
2006
Succeeded by:
Another Speck of Dust
Personal tools
projects