The Sound of One Hand Clapping

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“It takes two hands to clap.”
~ Jiang Zemin

It has been much expressed from even the most ancient civilisations, that this is an ancient and most amazing art form, expressed in one single sound. This is of the sound of one hand clapping. Often this is hard to manage, and it is more of a tapping sound. A one hand clap requires an amazing speed and strength in one hand, to get the sound of the true beauty of the one hand clap. The one handed clap is a majestical thing that many have never heard before.

Though contrary to popular belief it is possible to clap with one hand, though it requires a lot of skill, and the person must be willing to hear the most dangerous thing ever created. A lot of people who have experienced in masturbation are able to achieve the correct clapping sound, with one hand, though this doesn’t happen often as they know the secrets that one clap could reveal. And the fact they have no idea what one hand clapping is. And they are usually a bunch of sods anyway, so who blooming well cares. And they probably don’t know the definition of clapping, probably too interested in their internet porn anyway, to look it up. Or the fact they use both hands in the activity, then it shall not be as great, though they can do two one hand claps at once, which is basically a more complicated clap.

edit What It Sounds Like?

Often people may stare and ask, what does a single hand clap sound like? But to be honest, the only way to describe it is:

It shakes the world like thunder, and strikes any who hear it down. This sound is known to be outright holy, and any who hear die from its righteousness. Only one person has survived its majesty, it’s the common subject for memes, Chuck Norris. The clap is crystal clear, yet murky as the depths of the ocean, and as beautiful as a bird’s song (though which bird is debated, as far as we know it could be from a Kookaburra). But alas it cannot be experienced unless you want to cause an apocalypse, which is heard to bring about certain undead creatures that like to eat brains (like Brittany Spears). Also it is known as 42.

This description comes from the account of the ancient artifacts of the giant hand statues somewhere in the world. Oh course you could just say it came from the teenage mind of a girl, whichever you prefer.

This source (which let’s assume is quite reliable) allows us to believe that whatever the hell a one hand clap sounds like, it’s supposed to be amazing, and a force to be reckoned with. Obviously when the sound is heard the apocalypse shall occur, people will die, orphans shall cry, dogs shall lap up fine wine, and donkeys will mate with your 3rd cousin twice removed. Of course the later may or May not happen depending on whom the hell you are, or whether your cousin is actually the donkey. This is the real story of one hand clapping in a nutshell stuffed with drug induced Pink Floyd moments.

edit The Origin of One Hand Clapping

The practice began in 146 BC, when the first monks of the one handed claps began to form their covert group which has never been known by most of the society today. They have never been seen, so there are questions whether they are real or not, but we can only assume they are. By 100BC they were in most areas of the world, and many cave paintings have been found, but none have been successfully photographed, if you look to the right you should be able to see an unsuccessful photograph. In 350 AD, most of the group had hidden away being afraid of being Christian’s ridicule. Only recently have they been found in the era of 2013 AD.

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