The Simpsons
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“A show with yellow Americans and white Asians truly transcends the times”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Simpsons
“In Soviet Russia, The Simpsons watch YOU!”
~ Russian Reversal on The Simpsons
The Simpson's, today known as That 20th Century Unamerican Show With Yellow-skinned Freaks and The How Come You're Still Watching This Crap After What Constant Family Dysfunctionalism Did to Everyday Humor Show (born. Season 1 - died. Season 12), was an animated monochromatic sitcom, based on a real everyday american family, originally rated PG-17, that ran for 10 precise seasons before hitting the 21st century, when it started losing interest and eventually got old, fat and ugly. Today its audience, who thoroughly refuses to accept that the series is over, consists mainly of children under the age of 7, elder Vietnam War veterans, lonely divorced housewives and Matt Groening.
Throughout the course of its seasons, the show won seven different awards, notably three D'oh!scars for best plagiarized material from Family Guy after Family Guy plagiarized from the Simpsons itself as well as four Grammies which Groening uses today as paperweight for his memoirs. It was cancelled September 27, 2009 following the murder of Jasper.
Contents |
[edit] The Cast
[edit] Main Characters
- Homer "blow-jo" Sasquatch Simpson, age 36 (real age 57): a moronic psychopath suffering from degrading obesity and donutomania, Homer is a fat alchoholic who strangles his son over the simplest of things. Having studied for a position as an aerospace cadet, he wound up working at the Springfield Nuclear power plant and absorbed just enough radiation from Atomic waste to keep him alive despite the lack of his own intellect (almost died on 40 separate occasions). Somehow, the radiation also affected his age and he stuck being 36 years old, though his male genitalia mutated and fell off a long time ago. But if you piss him off he'll whack your brains out with a cement remote control. It's quite a wonder he's still alive, actually...
- Marjorie "Marge" Bouvier Simpson, age 35 (real age 56): the moronic psychopath's wife. Although she may not look as old as she really is, you might notice an elongated blue tumour on the top of her head. In fact, as a result of drunken gas station sex, Marge has severe cerebral cancer which also reflects on her voice and sexiness. The last years of her life were spent on YWCA reassignment, as her profile does not bond in any possible way with the life of today's housewives. But Marge is still hot, sometime... To Moe.
- Bartholomew JoJo Simpson, age 10 (real age 31): a midget hired at age of ten to play the Simpson family son, the constant menace kid type. Unfortunately, with him taking to smoke in the late 1999, the Simpson's were obliged to drug Bart with focusyn, which resulted in him always staying 10 years old. Besides starring in the show, Bart currently lead a criminal life, often being sentenced to community services such as building demolition and Spanish translator with obvious lack in music skills. He also is known for his sexual relationship with Lisa.
- Lisa Marie Simpson, age 8 (real age 29): Lisa, a really smelly girl, was a dire result of unfinished abortion that Marge tried to have after drinking too much spiked punch and having sex with Professor Frink, that made her particularly smart in the series. In real life, however, Lisa is a retarded dwarf whose buxom figure led her to be much sought-after in various adult movies, including "Yellow Entries", and "Lisa in Paris". Lisa is also an alcoholic, as seen from the episode "The Italian Bob", in which she drunk too much on the set and involuntarily revealed that Groening plans to work on the cartoon until Season 25, which pretty much halved its audience right after the incident. She is also known for her sexual relationship with Bart.(lucky bart)
- Margaret Eleanor Charlotte Orville Beefeather "Maggie" Bouvier Simpson, age 1 (real age unspecified): is a living substitute baby bought by Groening from the Japanese company MAJIETECH, which was reprogrammed by the CIA as a killing machine, but later disused due to its ineffectiveness of not being "tall enough", as compared with the new prototype "Stewienator 1000", used by Seth MacFarlane. Maggie was then reintroduced to the Simpson's family after their memory was wiped clean.
- Santoz "Lil' Hopper" age 20 (real age 18) Santario, a.k.a. Santa's Little Helper is the Simpson family dog with the brain of an immigrant worker from Peru whose body was used to feed the Peruvian starving children after he suffered from a Mafia gundown. He now lives as the Simpson's dog and vows his revenge on Brian Griffin a fat white gay faggit basterd, who was a cop back then and shot him down. Besides that, Santa's Little Helper enjoys to eat turkey and making love to Bart, and Lisa!
- Snowball 1, 2 & 3 were all a series of unsuccessful devices to spy on the Simpson's while they're not aired, which were all "accidentally" killed by Lisa. Turns out that little bitch is finally onto something! However, I doubt she'll ever suspect her... SAXOPHONE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
- Abraham Simpson, age 75 (real age 42): due to an unknown illness and possible escapade with time travel, Grampa Simpson might not be as old as he actually looks (kind of like Benjamin Button). As all members of some stupid fish cult and old Vietnam veterans (that's right, I know whom you just thought of), Abe's yearly income is much more than that of all of the Simpson's combined, hence they kicked him out of the family long ago. He is also the only surviving member of the black Nazi Taliban gay sober communist clan, besides his own grandfather, Mr. Burns.
[edit] Soundtrack
| The Simpsons: The Soundtrack | |||||
| Soundtrack by The Simpsons | |||||
| Released | 21 September 1985 | ||||
| Recorded | December 1984 - August 1985 | ||||
| Genre | The Simpsons songs | ||||
| Length | 60:00 (mm:ss) | ||||
| Label | jetBlue Records | ||||
| Producer(s) | Matt Groening | ||||
| The Simpsons chronology | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| |||||
On September 21, 1985, a soundtrack was released with 6 songs, each 10 minutes long. Since 1999, Do The Bartman took place on the charts.
[edit] Side A
1. The Simpsons Theme
2. The Simpsons Ending
3. Don't Stop Lovin Homer
[edit] Side B
4. The President Wore Pearls Medley
5. Skinner Has A Rubber Butt
6. Simpson Eyed Bart
7. homer says dohh
[edit] Minor Characters
Troy McClure, Mumblin', Stutterin' Prick Gil
Voiced by actor/comedians Phil Hartman and Jack Lemmon, who continue, to this day, to reprise their infamous voices to these characters.
[edit] Jasper
- Main article: Jasper from The Simpsons
Jasper Beardly (born c. 1892, died 9/27/2009 Springfield, USA) was an elderly man known for being the world's first man to be frozen in a Kwik-E-Mart fridge, for his brief stint as a substitute teacher in Springfield Elementary, and for his distinctive long white beard. Jasper is a known acquaintance of the elderly, foolish Abe 'Grandpa' Simpson. The strength of this relationship was amply demonstrated when Grandpa bravely fought to free Jasper's beard from the clutches of a troublesome pencil sharpening device. He was murdered by Bart Simpson on September 27, 2009 and caused the cancellation of The Simpsons.
[edit] Even Less Significant Characters
an old man with a funny beard
[edit] The Characters You Probably Never Even Heard Of Or Saw Them Somewhere In The Background, Which Doesn't Also Mean That They Weren't Really Characters You Could Mention About In This Article About This Show In The Show Itself
[edit] Guest appearances
In 1998 there was controversy when during a live episode Homer Simpson referred to guest star Dennis Rodman as being "too skinny", provoking another guest star Russell Crowe to start a fight with members of the live audience and throw phones at them. The show had to be ultimately cancelled halfway through a broadcast when Crowe threatened to bring in the baddies to "fix" Homer. The press from this incident was undeniably damaging. Newspaper headlines cruelly renamed Bart Simpson as Bart Douchebag. The Source magazine ran a cover story petitioning Bob Dole for the return of Twin Peaks. The furore died down later in the month, but the public backlash to the incident convinced Wallis to go into hiding. From which he would not return until late into 38,946. Bart Simpson was arrested for indecent exposure as he was found "Building a Solar Powered, High Speed Monorail" with Leonard Nimoy in public on a highway. This scandal has left The Simpson family distraught and Bart has recently released a statement saying I didn't do it which was revoked after controversy with Krusty and copywriters at Fox. He re-released a statement saying My dad does it.In early 20001 The Simpsons sparked new controversy with its graphic portrayal of incest in the episode "A game for all the family." In the episode Lisa performs a sex act on her brother Bart, after he catches her on a unicorn with Tom Hanks. It is rumoured that this incident is what caused Bart to become the brain dead south park addicted moron he is today, though this has not been proven. Your Mom appeared on Simpsons.
[edit] Criticism
[edit] Lack of Fans
[edit] Controversy
The Simpsons episodes are bountiful of controversy. For example, in the Season 20 finale, every single character was depicted naked with almost too accurate drawing and animation. The episode was aired once before every television in America burst into flames.
Matt Groening is also a controversial character in animation, having sold all three of his children to slave owners in China, and his 23 year-old Russian Bride to stem-cell research. The reasons for these actions are: (quote from 2003 interview) "to fuel my jello habit dawg!"
[edit] Additional Review Info
You are not good enough
