The Riddler
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The Riddler, (legal name: The Joker) is a popular Batman villain from the sixties and seventies. As his name suggests, he parties too hard, and his plans are often foiled by following the trail of yarn he leaves behind; or punching him. When not committing himself to a life of crime fighting fighting, Riddler can often be found sitting at home with his dog and frequent sidekick, Rubiks.
“ Who wears green and purple,
Speaks only in rhyme,
Whose only superpower,
Is wasting your time?”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Riddler
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[edit] History
The Riddler was born to a decapitated lady and Captain Oblivious, and was ridiculed most of his life because of it. This caused him to grow an intense hatred for his father, devoting himself to mind games and puzzles, knowing full well that it would be impossible for him to join in.
Most of his youth continued on in this fashion. It was not until Riddler turned nineteen that he made his first major foray into crime with the theft of, reportedly, six full albums, from an illegal mp3 website. When police began the investigation into the robbery all they had to go on was a series of pop-up ads left behind by the Riddler. Batman was called in to help decipher the clues, which he quickly succeeded in doing. When placed in the right order, the ads spelled out the Riddler's address and initials ("R").
After an arrest by Batman, who interrupted the Riddler during a webcam masturbation session (see left), he was kicked out of school and sentenced to ten months in the Arkham Youth Reformatory. These ten months would include a chance meeting with comedian Steve Harvey, and also allow Riddler to fully develop his sadistically elaborate criminal nature, perhaps inspired by Harvey's own criminal past.
Upon his release Riddler decided it best to enroll himself in prep school. It was during this time that he decided to start unnecessarily using a cane, learn the french martial art La Savate, and begin wearing what would become his signature question marked coat, bowler hat, and domino mask. The Riddler is probably best known, however, for wearing tights; thin, stretchy, form-fitting spandex worn by homosexuals and ballet dancers who are known homosexuals.
[edit] Controversy
In perhaps his most devious attempt to defeat Batman, and prevent his own capture, Riddler managed to beat Super Mario Bros. 3 in under ten minutes unassisted. It is unclear whether the Riddler was playing the game on the original Nintendo, or on the SuperNintendo gaming system, which allows you to save your progress and turn the system off if you need to take a poop or other form of break.
[edit] Who is The Riddler?
That is the only real question!!!
Rumors consist he is Matthew Lesko, the TV Pitchman telling you how to get free money by enlisting into his courses for a fee.
That he's a combination of the late Frank Gorshen and Jim Carey, but this myth was recently debunked by Judge Judy, saying it lacks cohesion.
That The Riddler is in fact a figment of your imagination.
[edit] Meta-Riddler
It's gonna fucking happen. Don't question it.
