The Origins Of War
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In the beginning all things lived in harmony. However God soon became desperately bored sitting on the Throne of Heaven picking His huge toes and watching the universe's changeless benevolence, so He put people on Earth. At first there were two types of humans: Neanderthals and Homo-sapiens. The Neanderthals were, over-all, more advanced organisms than Homo sapiens because they were bigger, stronger, smarter, and had larger penises. Because the Neanderthals had these features women were more attracted to them. Since the Homo sapiens had never got the girls their population dwindled. To halt their own extinction the Homo sapiens started the first war and killed all the Neanderthals. This, they hoped, would put their penises on top of the food chain. This war made Homo sapiens the only humanoid species left to dominate the world.
The Great Separating
Humans tended to live in harmony until a horrible discovery was made. they soon learned that they all had different physical features and different sized penises. One group of these humans known as "white people" took control as fast as possible and started by separating all the different sized penises to different continents. They put the largest of the penises in the biggest shithole on earth where they were supposed to die and never make contact with the rest of the world. The continent is known as "Africa" and these people were also known as "black people". Then they started by sending the smallest of the penises to the continent known as "Asia" which consisted of middle east. There was a large amount of these people and women were sent there as punishment because their goal was to strip the women of pleasures, but little did they know that this would allow the small penis population (a.k.a.-Asians) to breed, which they did at an out of control pace. The whites then sent their selfs to the best land at that time, known as "Europe".
Example Of War
One war that makes this easy to understand is the Trojan War. The Trojan Prince had a bigger penis which cause a women (who happened to be married to a High Authority in Greece) to leave her husband. This started the Trojan war because the husband wanted revenge by killing the Trojan who took his wife. So he killed all the Trojans in the process, but he now had the bigger penis.
The Stopping Of Peace In The Old Ages
Some humans didn't like this big Penis Slapping thing we called War and started to instead "do" women, they started to "do" each other. I am talking of non other than gays. And some women started to revolt against it because they said "they don't like being mans tool for destruction", straight men started to call these women witches. Men started to burn, hang, chop, etc... gays and witches as a way to continue their penis slapping.
Two Kinds Of People
In the recent past, women have started getting more rights. This was a bad move for the men because women were the fuel that ran there wars. Women ideas started to change the way people think about their penises and bring the existence of two kinds of people, dicks and pussies. Now not all pussies were women and not all dicks were men. Dicks were people who just wanted to fuck all the time and not think things through, and they were now responsible for war. Pussies are people who believe in peace and no fighting and they hate dicks because pussies get fucked by dicks. Thus leaving dicks on top of the food chain and the penis slapping continued.
Black people had been forgotten by the rest of the world. They were rediscovered by the whites who then at the time were still in control of the world and made anyone with a bigger or smaller penis a slave. The noticed the size of the black mans penis was enormous, so they immediately turn them into slaves as an act of maintaining control.
When america was created, it acted as a place were any sized penis could live, but the penises were still not equal. They forced all large penised humans into slave labor, which ran their economy. But the American penis was soon to change.
World War 2- The Great Slapping
A group known as the nazis started killing all people who had different penis sizes in order to establish one penis size. They started with taking out the jews and were going to move on to blacks next if they weren't stopped. Their actions caused the people all around the world of all different penises to join together and fight against them because with one penis size, there could be no more war. America saved the world in this war because the were the most diverse in penis sizes and they were starting to give more freedom to the penises (abolished the slavery of large penises). America then started trying to spread the idea of penises living in harmony which was a idea bring on by the pussies of the country. They managed to get most of the world to join their organization called the UP (United Penises), which was later changed to the UN (united nations) in The Great Cover Up.
The Great Cover Up
When Historians were invented in the 1900's, they realized how stupid all their fighting had been and started rewriting the history books to make it look like politics and religion were the cause of war. They did not want the people of today to know of the stupid past, so they created a new past for people to chew on. They left all the penis slapping to the politicians who gave bullshit reasons for war like oil, land, revenge. This is why most of them seem stupid, but really they are just lying to us in part of The Great Cover Up.
The middle east is mad at the rest of the world because their religion doesn't allow them to use their penises as much as the rest of the world, so they are trying to kill the "infidels" in order to make it to were they can't be jealous of how much we use are penises. This brings up the 3rd and last kind of person that exists, the Asshole. The asshole just likes to shit all over everyone and the pussies can't stop them, but want them to get along with the rest of the world (very stupid idea). Since dicks can also **** assholes, they use their magic power of war to take care of the assholes of the world because if they don't, the assholes will shit all over the dicks and pussies and then you'll have shit everywhere.