The Obese Man's Handbook

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== The basics ==
 
== The basics ==
   
Stop questioning your food. Just shove it in, don’t question, don’t taste, just eat. You need sustenance not flavor. And we all know food is the major pleasure of life. A woman wants your time and consideration, but Pop Tarts only want to sit in the Toaster for a minute or two. Is the choice not obvious.
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Stop questioning your food. Just shove it in, don’t question, don’t taste, just eat. You need sustenance not flavor. And we all know food is the major pleasure of life. A lover wants your time and consideration, but Pop Tarts only want to sit in the Toaster for a minute or two. Is the choice not obvious?
   
Always wanted to fulfill your secret dreams of being with a large breasted individual? Well consider your dreams half fulfilled. Learn how to lose things in your massive body. If the remote is still easy to find you're not eating enough.
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Learn how to lose things in your massive body. If the remote is still easy to find you're not eating enough.
   
Tired of reality and the computer is too far away. See those health nuts waste their lives staying in shape. Never to know the soft feel of a warm Krispy Kreme slipping between their lips. Pity them, they are such fools!!!
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Tired of reality and the computer is too far away? See those health nuts waste their lives staying in shape. Never to know the soft feel of a warm Krispy Kreme slipping between their lips. Pity them, they are such fools!!!
   
 
== The Round Middle ==
 
== The Round Middle ==
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Learn how to breathe properly with a full gut. The massive amount of cheetos and nachos that have you've packed away must weigh quite a bit. Is the strain too much to breathe without making a lot of noise?
 
Learn how to breathe properly with a full gut. The massive amount of cheetos and nachos that have you've packed away must weigh quite a bit. Is the strain too much to breathe without making a lot of noise?
   
Learn how to smell bad. At this point showers will only last an hour so what’s the point? Learn how to bitch. Squeal like a pig when you have to use your chubby useless legs.
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Make sure to check your weight daily, and enjoy the warm feeling of having gained. If you cna still see your penis, keep going.
 
Have many online personas. You're not sufficiently obese unless you feel pathetic enough to live an alternate real life in the crappy pixelated world.
 
   
 
== Where to Go from there? ==
 
== Where to Go from there? ==
   
Imagine becoming the leader of the fat guys over there. Or try harnessing your pent up bitterness on reality into ultra sarcasm.
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Imagine becoming the leader of the fat guys over there.
   
 
May the fat god be with you.
 
May the fat god be with you.

Latest revision as of 15:02, May 14, 2011

I know why you’re reading this. You’re a fat sack of crap yet, because of societal pressures, you feel guilty. Why? Because you, unlike your chubby brethren, do not know how to act fat - how to live fat, and love fat.

edit The basics

Stop questioning your food. Just shove it in, don’t question, don’t taste, just eat. You need sustenance not flavor. And we all know food is the major pleasure of life. A lover wants your time and consideration, but Pop Tarts only want to sit in the Toaster for a minute or two. Is the choice not obvious?

Learn how to lose things in your massive body. If the remote is still easy to find you're not eating enough.

Tired of reality and the computer is too far away? See those health nuts waste their lives staying in shape. Never to know the soft feel of a warm Krispy Kreme slipping between their lips. Pity them, they are such fools!!!

edit The Round Middle

Nachos1
If you don't find this indulging, you still need work

Learn how to breathe properly with a full gut. The massive amount of cheetos and nachos that have you've packed away must weigh quite a bit. Is the strain too much to breathe without making a lot of noise?

Make sure to check your weight daily, and enjoy the warm feeling of having gained. If you cna still see your penis, keep going.

edit Where to Go from there?

Imagine becoming the leader of the fat guys over there.

May the fat god be with you.

edit Famous Fat Men Speak

Dom DeLuise - "I really hate my penis, I have managed to avoid looking at it by eating til my gut hides it."

John Goodman - "I think I'm a great actor, I mean most people believe Dan found Roseanne desirable. Hell I should deserve a f**cking Emmy for that alone "

Chris Farley - "When has overindulging ever hurt anyone?"

Marlon Brando - "I endure because I move so gracefully"

edit Further Reading

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