Not to be confused with The OC.
“Welcome to the O.C., bitch! ”
“Don't call it that. ”
The O.C. is a documentary based on the life of Eminem's little brother, Ryan Atwood. After learning his brother is the real Slim Shady, the young Ryan convinces Eminem to help him paint Newport County orange. Charged with Arrested Development , Ryan is sentenced to death when the governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, pardons him, and instead sentences him to live with Sandy Cohen, the notoriously Jewish family that has been infiltrating California and its proud race of Christian fundamentalists since its discovery. The result was filmed as yet another Reality TV Show in midst of the protest of hundreds of elderly and unborn citizens of California. Critics initially described the show as "the most lame ass gay-fest of 2004", and still do. The show prominently features famous gay men such as O.J. Simpson and the Jewish Curly Hair Guy.
edit The first epoch (-9 through 1974)
edit Chino, the Early Years
- Living in Chino's Asian community with his black brother Eminem, Ryan gets into lots of fights and hangs out with Hitler. Being one of Hitler’s secret-man-crushes (as are all blond haired blue eyed boys) it was only a matter of time before Ryan found out about his status with Hitler. It is suspected that once he found out about Hitler’s secret-man-crush he moved to Newport with older brother Eminem.
edit Newport County, I'm here
- Ryan and Newport fit instantly; he got all the ladies and got along with his comrades on the water polo team as they picked on Jews just like he and Hitler used to back in the day. Something was missing, however, and Ryan decided to paint Newport County orange. He only got halfway done because George Bush captured him, effectively splitting the community in two: the Orange County, and the Numbered Streets.
edit Ryan, I am your gay father
- After being charged with Arrested Development, Ryan narrowly escaped the death penalty and was sentenced to live with Sandy Cohen. Being forced to live with the only Jews in California took a tough toll on Ryan who became moody. What made it worse was when Sandy told him "Luke I am your father". Luke is another name for Ryan, in Hebrew. Ryan’s friends on the water polo team all disowned him after they learned of his gay father. This left Ryan alone with his life partner Seth, who had an apparent kitten huffing addiction. Eminem was disowned by Ryan, after Ryan found out he was black and gay.
edit Oliver twist and Julie Cooper
- In the next few years Ryan meets Oliver, who seduces him with the famous English dance "The Oliver Twist". Julie Cooper in turn seduces Oliver. Ryan exacts his revenge on Julie by seducing her daughter. Her daughter in turn decides to take a trip to Tiajuana and have an abortion. She blamed it on the pills. Many speculate that the father of the child was Ryan. Other's say Hitler. Whatever the case is, we all know Oliver had nothing to do with it, because gays aren't known to impregnate anorexic emos. Or ARE they???
edit All is well that ends well
- After a big love feast everyone decides to split up for the summer. Seth leaves with his gay father for Portland, Ryan goes back to Chino to find and kill Hitler (without success), and Seth's mother, Kirstin, opens "The Man Hole" the most famous male stripping club in all of America in a feeble attempt to get Sandy to return home.
edit The second millennium (1974-2109)
edit A Truce
- The summer was long, and Ryan's conquest of Hitler failed so he returned to his father, Sandy, and illegitimate brother, Seth, in order to form the League of Nations. The League did well to keep Hitler on the run; who was eventually found in a bunker outside the Man Hole by Kirstin Cohen, he was in bad shape with a terrible beard and immediately was turned over to the US government.
edit Construction completed
YouTube]]Worlds Greatest Grandpa===
- At this time there was a great celebration for Kirstins father, Caleb - a well known male porn star. He was dubbed The Worlds Greatest Grandpa on one of The Ten Plaques of Eygpt. Following this accolade, Julie Cooper became 40% Nichol and agreed to make an adult film with Caleb for release on the internet. Caleb also goes by the name Fred, who shares all of his pornographic exploits via Youtube.
edit Taking out Grandpa
edit Eminem returns
- With the news of Bambi hitting, Eminem returned to re-unite with his brother, Ryan. This caused much controversey as Eminem had to break out of prison (detailed in another FOX reality show called Prison Break) and Eminem and Ryan's antics eventually led to the making of Risky Business with Tom Cruise starring as Eminem and a crystal egg starring as Ryan.
edit Eminem leaves
edit The third year (1983)
edit No one cares anymore
- The footage of this part of Ryan's life is lost because in his words “No one really gave a *%#$ if the cameraman died and took his tapes to his death"
edit Another bloody fight
- The most recent episode featured the highly anticipated Rumble in the OC where Dean Hess (founder of Hess gas stations and maker of those crazy Christmas Hess fire trucks which are here and better than ever). My memory isn't what it used to be, but if I recall correctly the whole world was destroyed.
edit What's next
- Want to know what’s next for Ryan Atwood? Well, its being televised as we speak, that’s right this amazing documentary is being filmed in real-time and podcasted to TV's all across America.