The O.C.

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Revision as of 02:09, August 16, 2011

Spoiler Warning Plot details such as the fact that

Marissa dies in 3.25,

follow. Continue at your own risk.

Not to be confused with The OC.

“Welcome to the O.C., bitch! ”
~ some guy on actual quote from show
“Don't call it that. ”
~ Michael Bluth on on The O.C.

The O.C. is a documentary based on the life of Eminem's little brother, Ryan Atwood. After learning his brother is the real Slim Shady, the young Ryan convinces Eminem to help him paint Newport County orange. Charged with Arrested Development , Ryan is sentenced to death when the governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, pardons him, and instead sentences him to live with Sandy Cohen, the notoriously Jewish family that has been infiltrating California and its proud race of Christian fundamentalists since its discovery. The result was filmed as yet another Reality TV Show in midst of the protest of hundreds of elderly and unborn citizens of California. Critics initially described the show as "the most lame ass gay-fest of 2004", and still do. The show prominently features famous gay men such as O.J. Simpson and the Jewish Curly Hair Guy.

The first epoch (-9 through 1974)

Chino, the Early Years

Living in Chino's Asian community with his black brother Eminem, Ryan gets into lots of fights and hangs out with Hitler. Being one of Hitler’s secret-man-crushes (as are all blond haired blue eyed boys) it was only a matter of time before Ryan found out about his status with Hitler. It is suspected that once he found out about Hitler’s secret-man-crush he moved to Newport with older brother Eminem.

Newport County, I'm here

Ryan and Newport fit instantly; he got all the ladies and got along with his comrades on the water polo team as they picked on Jews just like he and Hitler used to back in the day. Something was missing, however, and Ryan decided to paint Newport County orange. He only got halfway done because George Bush captured him, effectively splitting the community in two: the Orange County, and the Numbered Streets.

Ryan, I am your gay father

After being charged with Arrested Development, Ryan narrowly escaped the death penalty and was sentenced to live with Sandy Cohen. Being forced to live with the only Jews in California took a tough toll on Ryan who became moody. What made it worse was when Sandy told him "Luke I am your father". Luke is another name for Ryan, in Hebrew. Ryan’s friends on the water polo team all disowned him after they learned of his gay father. This left Ryan alone with his life partner Seth, who had an apparent kitten huffing addiction. Eminem was disowned by Ryan, after Ryan found out he was black and gay.

Oliver twist and Julie Cooper

In the next few years Ryan meets Oliver, who seduces him with the famous English dance "The Oliver Twist". Julie Cooper in turn seduces Oliver. Ryan exacts his revenge on Julie by seducing her daughter. Her daughter in turn decides to take a trip to Tiajuana and have an abortion. She blamed it on the pills. Many speculate that the father of the child was Ryan. Other's say Hitler. Whatever the case is, we all know Oliver had nothing to do with it, because gays aren't known to impregnate anorexic emos. Or ARE they???

All is well that ends well

After a big love feast everyone decides to split up for the summer. Seth leaves with his gay father for Portland, Ryan goes back to Chino to find and kill Hitler (without success), and Seth's mother, Kirstin, opens "The Man Hole" the most famous male stripping club in all of America in a feeble attempt to get Sandy to return home.

The second millennium (1974-2109)

A Truce

The summer was long, and Ryan's conquest of Hitler failed so he returned to his father, Sandy, and illegitimate brother, Seth, in order to form the League of Nations. The League did well to keep Hitler on the run; who was eventually found in a bunker outside the Man Hole by Kirstin Cohen, he was in bad shape with a terrible beard and immediately was turned over to the US government.

Construction completed

The Cohens lived together in the Man Hole for a while, until they saw fit to deck out the bunker in mad pimpin' style. They travelled back to the future to give themselves that idea before it was made, so it was done and the Man Hole was no more.

YouTube]]Worlds Greatest Grandpa===

At this time there was a great celebration for Kirstins father, Caleb - a well known male porn star. He was dubbed The Worlds Greatest Grandpa on one of The Ten Plaques of Eygpt. Following this accolade, Julie Cooper became 40% Nichol and agreed to make an adult film with Caleb for release on the internet. Caleb also goes by the name Fred, who shares all of his pornographic exploits via Youtube.

Taking out Grandpa

Great success followed the film, which caused Julie to be widely regarded as a slut. She appreciated the complements but knew she could do better. To prove this, she killed Caleb during the climax of the most succesful pornography ever - Bambi. The whole thing was filmed underwater.

Eminem returns

With the news of Bambi hitting, Eminem returned to re-unite with his brother, Ryan. This caused much controversey as Eminem had to break out of prison (detailed in another FOX reality show called Prison Break) and Eminem and Ryan's antics eventually led to the making of Risky Business with Tom Cruise starring as Eminem and a crystal egg starring as Ryan.

Eminem leaves

Ryan forces Eminem to leave after he finds out that Eminem is black and gay (for the second time). No one really notices that happened because Marissa (Julie's daughter) shot Seth at the same time and caused the most solar eclipses this side of WW2.

The third year (1983)

No one cares anymore

The footage of this part of Ryan's life is lost because in his words “No one really gave a *%#$ if the cameraman died and took his tapes to his death"

Another bloody fight

The most recent episode featured the highly anticipated Rumble in the OC where Dean Hess (founder of Hess gas stations and maker of those crazy Christmas Hess fire trucks which are here and better than ever). My memory isn't what it used to be, but if I recall correctly the whole world was destroyed.

What's next

Want to know what’s next for Ryan Atwood? Well, its being televised as we speak, that’s right this amazing documentary is being filmed in real-time and podcasted to TV's all across America.

See Also

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