The Notorious Teletubbies
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A small but brutal criminal syndicate who operate globally and stem from Teletubbyland, The Notorious Teletubbies are suspected to be led by arch-criminal "Babyface", who is said to take the form of a baby in the Sun. In the gang's first years, early 2000s, they began recruiting new members through a popular children's TV show, Teletubbies. The show taught children to respect their "homiez" and disobey the "pigz", the "pigz" (police) being shown as shower-like speakers that grew up out of the ground and threatened the Teletubbies with the phrase "Time for Tubby bye bye". In retaliation, this phrase has been adopted by members of the gang as a final motif before a murder. It was reportedly said to the leader of a rival gang, Jake of The Tweenies, before he was shot 18 times in the face by a Teletubbies member.
The membership of the gang now exceeds 2,000 individuals worldwide. To become a member one must be of Tubby origin (plump, primary colour, peach face, big eyes etc) and be "hard as nails, but soft as tubby-custard". Once a new member has proved his mettle he is awarded a shape to attach to his head. The head shape indicates rank with in the gang, with various shapes representing different ranks or chapters within the gang.
Violence within the gang membership is common if a member breaks "Da Tubby Code", which consists of three points:
- Never snitch.
- Broez before Hoez
- Again! Again!
If the code is violated, results can be dire. It is reported that one original gang member "Dipsy" was found dead with a knife in his anus after snitching up another member, "La-La" to the pigz for performing illegal sex acts.
Original known members include:
- Tinky Winky (Boss Dogg)
- Dipsy (Arms Dealer)
- Laa-Laa (Drug Trafficker)
- Po (Head Ho)
- Noo-noo (Custard Trafficker)
The first reported crimes attributed to the Notorious Teletubbies were mainly do do with trafficking of hallucinogenic drugs. The main drug in question, dubbed "Eh Ohhh", is reported to induce trips involving one seeing images exude from their own stomach.
Later gang activity included holding up stores and stealing custard with the aid of a Mr Noo-Noo "Da Vacuum Cleana". Other charges include assault and battery of Fimbles who crossed their path, attempted murder, and Grand Theft Tubby.
The Teletubby police have recently put up a vote. Should they say 'Teletubby bye-bye' before shooting the shit out of them?