The North of England
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|Motto: "Where's Me Gyro?"|
|Population||- style="vertical-align: top;"||Capital||Old Trafford|
|Languages||English, Mancurian, Geordie, Scouse, Chav|
|Area||To answer this would be to imply that Northerners have an understanding of Geography, which is a fallacy.)|
|Form of Government||Football Hooligans|
|Currency||- style="vertical-align: top;"||Religion||Football and Alcohol|
“Ey up eer djud yer teer aund i git tu bad fer ee git tanned”
“There are two Englands here in the British Isles: England, and the North of England”
“It stinks up there; I mean REALLY stinks”
“Got a light?”
Imagine dear reader, a Stygian, Miltonic tartarus of inexorable fumes, sullying murk and hulking denizens that a lifetime of smoking hand-made cigarettes has stunted, fattened and turned a shade of yellow similar to old writing paper.
The northern stretch of England started becoming known as The North in 3AD, when the South had nowhere else to put their trash and waste medical products. In the middle of 4AD, reports were deciphered that people exposed to that area for extended periods of time were suffering breakdowns, which originated from the waste disposal operations in the area. Apparantly, the patients (who at this time had been quarrantined) showed unusual symptons, which included the mutated growth of bodily hair on their chests and backs, the voice lowering to a remarkable tone and the patients unusual demands, including 'cans' of lager avalible at all times and a picture of a naked woman visable at all work places. Soon, the outbreak had become an epidemic. The changes were the result of some sort of poisoning from the mass waste disposal. Similar to radiation sickness, the people of England were forced to leave behind all those infected when leaders voted (after months of tense discussion) that a cure would not be found in time. The infected zone was quarantined, and the waste disposal project was relocated to Wales, who were happy to take it. By 6AD, military operations in the area became frequent expeditions into the infected areas. They saw that the infected had built large cities atop the mountains of waste, and that their numbers had swelled. They had even invented a sport, where a ball was kicked across an open field for ninety minutes whilst onlookers screamed and taunted. Closer observations showed that the losing side often rallied together and fought the winners tooth and claw, regardless of what body-part they would lose in the process. Discussion amongst leaders regarding these findings concluded that England may find the 'Northerners' useful when the French show up. Thusly, teams of advisors and bushcraft experts were sent into the land, and promptly gave the 'Northerners' gifts of peace; such as fire, the pub and smoking. Finally, in 9AD England was officially split into two halves. One consisting of the Northerners, the other being home to the original inhabatants that were now named 'Southerners'.