Moon
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| Random Elvis Sighting In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. The King has left the building. |
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| Motto: "Roberto Cheesefecker Rules", | |||||
| Anthem: God Save Roberto Cheesefecker | |||||
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| Capital | Crater B5 | ||||
| Largest city | Crater Z9 | ||||
| Official languages | Moonish, 1337 | ||||
| Government | Totalitarian Dictatorship | ||||
| President | Roberto Cheesefecker | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Roberto Cheesefecker | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | 15th Century | ||||
| Currency | Absinthe | ||||
| Religion | Scientology | ||||
“Hmm, Roger said he'd meet me here... Where is he?”
~ Syd Barrett on the dark side of the moon
“That's no death star.”
~ Obi-Wan Kenobi on The moon
“I advise against mooning Earth while on the moon. You may find yourself with your butt frozen off/exploded.”
~ Oscar Wilde to Neil Armstrong, moments before he stepped out of the lander.
“...What? Where?”
~ Neil Armstrong on The Moon
“...Would ya miss it?”
~ George W Bush on The Moon
“...That's one small step for man... one giant blow for the cheese industry.”
~ Neil Armstrong on The Moon
THE MOON IS ROUND AND WHITE JUST LIKE YOUR MOM'S ASS YOU DIRTY WHITE KID, YES IM TALKING TO YOU BEN LOLOLOLOLOLOL His Most Honourable Roberto Cheesefecker's Totalitarian Republic Of The Moon (Moonish: Ooob Heeb Ballsakk Roberto Cheesefeckero Buttscratcher Republicco Del Moonio; 1337: H!$ M0$7 Pwn1ng 8088y-C's 1337 R3pu81ik 0f 73h /\/\00/\/ H4x0rZ), informally known as "The Moon" or "The Big Bastard" was turned ON in 1593 by Your Hot Mom and was endorced mainly by Microsoft. It is actually connected to the earth by a large wire, connected to Portugal. The Darkside of the moon is owned by Winston Churchill. Google are currently working on a sequal to the moon.
The Moon currently operates as a fascist imperial dictatorship under the control of Roberto Cheesefecker. All Moon citizens are required by law to suck Mr. Cheesefecker off for 5 minutes a day each. Scientology is the official state religion, after a bunch of Scientologists allowed Cheesefecker to bum rape them as gratiude for Cheesefecker's defeat of Xenu in Intergalactic War II, which was a bit like World War II except it was like, in space and stuff.
There is a theory by the well-known AC/DC sufferer Alberti U. Bushrod that suggests the origin of the Moon did not begin, contrary to popular belief, as part of the Big Bang. Bushrod theorised that the Moon was ornately used after construction as a basketball rabbit in the early 60's.
The Moon (not to be confused with the Smoon), is a sphere-shaped lump of valuable cheddar and dirty cream cheese which will soon be home to "The Mall of the Galaxy" featuring 485 stores, 3 security guards, and a White Castle restaurant. Most of the time, it is visible only by night, when the glow of fluorescent smelly cheese on the surface of the moon is visible due to the lack of sunlight. Another theory is that the moon glows because it is a covered in mould which contains millions of christmas lights, which is covered by a thin layer of dust. When ancient creatures first got to the moon, the moon was just a fluerecent ball. But due to constant housecleaning, the moon got covered with dust. Ancient people, tribes and societies worshipped the moon as a goddess, sacrificing "virgins" to it. If at any time the moon is not visible it means Ashley and Dylan ate it and it will be back shortly.
The moon consists of the desiccated semen of Thor. In the old times, people used to think that The Moon was made of stone, which was obviously ridiculous and thus obsoleted in 1969 by the space mission Apollo 11. The moon can be noticed switching places irrationally throughout the month. This is called Lunar behaviour and has a weird effect on some people, making them do radical Moon-related things, such as taking part in Moon Pie eating competitions and howling at the moon. These people are called Lunatics and Politicians; respectivly.
The Moon has distinct phases, which are known as Full Moon, Half Moon, New Moon, and Keith Moon. According to the moon the full moon is the moon everyone knows and loves, the half moon is alright and no one gives a shit about the 3/4 moon, when does he come 2-3 days into calender month? No one cares. All of these phases occur monthly in a random manner, but since Keith Moon's death in 1978, The Moon has had only three phases. Keith Moon's death had a major effect on lunar behaviour, which caused severe flooding, unnatural changing of the tides, and an increase in the amount of lunatics.
The moon has been routinely plagued by controversy over such questions as: "What's up with the moon?" and "Why is it? No seriously, like, why is it?".
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[edit] How to get there
Drive The moon is only a few hundred miles away - within driving distance. Love Train Bounce On June 29, 2009 it was discovered that you can Jump on sea animals to get to the moon. Screw the moon, I'm going to make my own Another method is by creating a smaller moon more low down and just pretend(For n00bs). Callum Hutchins had curry for tea.
- Maybe walk to the moon?, only 3 mile away from where I stay.
- Run?
- Dance?
[edit] How big is it?
It is a well known fact that the moon is smaller than most elephants.
you can swim the moon, if you start in the atlantic it will eventually take you to the moon.
"I rode an elephant to the moon once! it was fun!"
-Anonymous
[edit] What holds the moon up there?
The moon is in an orbit, much like cheese circling around a large body ie: Rush Limbaugh. By continuing to be in Free-Fall (see also M.C. Hammer's Career) the moon stays in that orbit by using forces such as centripetal, gravitational, and that cool spinning move Peggy Fleming used to do. Just to be safe though, its a good idea to stay inside as much as possible. The moon is filled with little Sprite Monsters who are all named philip.
[edit] Major Locations
There are a few places that are a must-see for anyone planning a trip to The Moon.
- A polo 11 landing site
This is actually located in two places: Hollywood, LA and The Moon. This is because NASA was afraid that A polo 11 would never reach their destination, and built an alternative Moon landing site in a movie studio to receive the bonuses, whatever happened to the mission also the ship was made of minty mentos and polos. See: Moon landing hoax
- The Seas
The moon has large, darker areas across its surface, which are known as the "tan" of The Moon. These large expanses of tan are the main reason that the moonmen are able to survive. There are no creatures living in these seas, as they are filled with pollutants from the moonmen, who have two mouths and several recta.
- Nazi Moon Base
In the 1940's, when defeat seemed inevitable for the nazis, they built a base on the dark side of the moon to regain their military strength and start another Holocaust. This moon base was also responsible for the Boxing Day Tsunami in South-east Asia, by slightly changing the moon's orbit, thus creating a tidal wave. The moon base is now used to monitor the world's thoughts by Nestle, a division of the Nazi party. It is believed that in 1945 that Adolf Hitler was launched to the moon and is currently frozen and it is said that he will be unfrozen in the year 2045 start a fourth reich.
The Secret Moon Base is a well known but completely unseen secret fortress established on the dark side of the moon. The dates of its construction are unknown, but the presence of the moon base was recognized by both Isaac Newton and Aristotle. Numerous villains and superheros have made use of this base for their diabolical plans, and many scientists have suggested that this base are belongs to nobody.
[edit] The need to destroy the Moon
“Since the dawn of time, mankind has yearned to destroy the moon”
A team of top scientists lead by African American haberdasher Grambo Mambo has determined that the Moon facilitates the emotional instability attributed to the female menstrual cycle. Destruction of which would therefore eliminate the core cause of %99 of the world's violent conflicts.
[edit] Creation
When the earth was spinning excess cheese broke off of Wisconsin and became the moon. The dark part is cheddar and the light part is brie. Also known as the Wisconsin Cheese Theory.
According to governmet files, the Moons' biggest threat is the lactose intolerant population, who want it destroyed for obvious reasons.
Brown Bums are Better than white
[edit] Alternative Versions
Some renowned experts believe that the moon's cycles give primates the urge to throw fecal matter at one another. If this is proven, then humans should find no discretion in throwing a nice hunk of steaming poo at their friends. I know I will.
[edit] Population
- Martians (refugees,from Mars, of course)
- Lunar Ticks
Lunar Ticks (AKA lunatics), contrary to popular belief, are not giant man-eating ticks that live on the moon - rather, they are a minority of peace-loving nudists who just want to be loved.
- Moonmen
The moonmen are short, squat creatures which bear a passing resemblance to the lowest caste of the human race: the emo. they are capable of rudimentary communication, which takes the form of sobs and music, as well as Fall Out Boy impersonations. Another inhabitant of the moon are the moon french fries who wear old fashioned deep sea diving helmets and spend most of their time hunting their main course, the multicolored monkeys from mars.
- Moon Vampires
Moon Vampires are tall, menacing looking creatures that enjoy the consumpsion of human blood. They resemble humans and have pointy teeth and two green antennae. They only live on the dark side of the moon, but since the moon is constantly turning, they are forced to keep on walking the the opposite direction. If they stop to take a break, they will enter the shiny side of the moon, thus causing their skin to burn away and their teeth to explode inside of their mouths.
- Nick
As discovered by Michael Phelps, who swam to the moon in early September 2008, the only actual resident of the Secret Moon Base is a man named Nick, who wears glasses. His purposes are unknown.
[edit] Mooning
The gesture known as "mooning" actually started as an inside joke of the NASA, when the first TV images of Neil Armstrong landing on the moon showed him descending the pants of his space suit, and bending over, thus revealing his behind to the TV camera. For some reason, NASA officials decided that that had to be edited out, and Neil Armstrong should climb back to the landing pod for a retake of the same scene, with him repeating the famous phrase about big leaps and mankinds to test whether the radio was functioning. This caught on, and became the punchline of the Moon landing.
Nowadays, "mooning" is considered as a secret salute of NASA.
[edit] Moon Cheese
Though many believe that the moon as we know it is comprised of moon rocks and dust, there is evidence found through professional studies that proves the moon is truly made of cheese. Moon cheese is known to reflect sunlight and hellfire extremely well allowing the moon to be seen from anywhere on Earth (that is at night). In 1984, Nabisco Inc. decided to offer a trade agreement with NASA supplying the company with unlimited moon cheese resources. Since then, this corporate trend has continued to grow rapidly. Moon Cheese contains a substantial amount of zinc, vitamin A, MSG, and sulfuric acid. Pregnant women should not come in contact with moon, side effects include: heart burn, indigestion, insomnia, loss of loved ones, loss of belly button, blindness, depression, anxiety, and/or painful death.
[edit] Side effects from looking at the moon
As pretty as the moon is, you shouldn't look at it for too long- if you do, you'll have changed into an animated Japanese school girl, this may not seem so bad, but you'll be surprised how many rapists you'll attract.
One can also suffer from moonburn, if exposed to unfiltered moonlight for more than an hour. Typical symptoms include painful sores and red peeling skin, and sadly moonburn is one of the leading causes of death from melanoma worldwide, yet the hazard remains unknown to the general public. To minimise the risk of moonburn, one should wear a hat with a flap at the back and a turtleneck sweater when going out at night, together with copious amounts of LPF 30+ moonscreen. NEVER stare directly at the moon with the naked eye. Even with protection, the recommended maximum nightly exposure to pure moonlight is only two hours, and there is no such thing as a healthy night tan. Moonbaking should be strictly avoided at all costs.
[edit] Colonization
A private group of colonists from Seattle, including Bill Gates, led by engineers AJ Mulligan, Richard Vines, Rhett Cord, Harold Middleman, Evan Blondie, and sociologists Jacob Savvyshins and Theodore December, along with some population growth tools colonized the moon in the fall of 2008. Their goal was to create a socialist city-state that would later expand to a large capitalist meritocracy. However, the random cheese people of the moon ate all the milk in their blood and they all died except for Bill Gates who was able to afford a cheese person repellent.
[edit] Pros
- You get to play a platformer in real life.
- You can laugh in the face of the Earth-Dwellers.
- If the Earth asplodes, you survive (but go flying into space).
- If everyone on Earth dies, you survive and don't go flying into space.
- You have a limitless supply of rock, stone, pebble, and dust. Craters are pretty common too.
- Pretty much everything worth doing takes less effort.
- Illegal immigration isnt a problem...
- You can make your own country. Since everyone knows colonies more than 13 inches away from the main country will always declare independence.
- Theres absolutley NO politicians there! Yaaaaaaay!!!
- Cheese
[edit] Cons
- None, cuz the moon is awesome like a cat.
- Also, you might run out of food, water, and oxygen.
- You'll lose muscle mass and become either scrawny or fat unless you use your exercise machine provided for you if you had lived in the MRM when it was socialist.
- You cant play MMOs, and your internet would be really laggy unless you use websites from the moon.
- Not much is there. On the other hand, not many Earth locations aren't that interesting either.
- There ain't no such thing as a free lunch (TANSTAASFL!)
- It has no atmosphere (get it?) :-D (No)
[edit] War Against the United States
Main Article: The First Lunar-American War
An ongoing conflict between the United States and the Moon exists. This conflict was started roughly on 18 June, 2009 and is still ongoing. so far, the United States have been the only ones to fire a single shot. The conflict arose when the Moon refused to respond to allegations that it was harboring WMDs in the Cabeus Crater. President Barack Obama ordered the immediate escalation of hostilities on 18 May, 2009 and the first shots were fired on 9 October, 2009 when NASA and the Air Force launched a missile for the crater believed to be harboring the WMDs. so far the Moon has been silent about the conflict and allegations.
[edit] See Also
- Moon landing hoax
- Neil Armstrong
- Smoon
- Is the moon made of cheese?
- Dark Side of the Moon
- Sailor Moon
- New Moon
- Who built the moon
