The Kinks

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Kinky

The Kinks:This is the result of taking drugs.

“I do enjoy a few Kinks myself, old chap.”
~ Noel Coward on The Kinks

The Kinks were an English rock band that formed in the early 1960s, but were not famous until the brothers Ray and Dave Davies became heavyweight boxers. The reason for the switch from music to boxing was simply because the brothers really, really hated each other, and decided they needed to settle their disputes in the ring.

Music

In 1964, the Davies brothers coincidentally both began secretly writing songs that contained subliminal messages about their severe hatred of each other. Both secretly began searching for fellow band members to record their songs with, and coincidentally both Davies brothers recruited bassist Pete Quaife and drummer Mick Avory, and scheduled their first band meeting in exactly the same location at exactly the same time. When the brothers saw each other at the meeting, they simultaneously said “oh, fuck it”, and decided to merge the two bands into one. The name “The Kinks” was thought of by the kinks guitarist,Dave Davies while he was extremely stoned, and the other members also happened to be too stoned to think of a better name.

Published Works

The Kinks’ self titled debut album was unusual in the way that every song on it sounded exactly the same. This is evident on the two most popular songs from the album, You Really Got Me and All Day And All Of The Night. The only differences between the songs was one chord, which which gave each song a similer feeling to it. The Davies brothers often had trouble with guitars, (especially Dave!). But after he could play three chords he was praised as best guitarist who had ever lived. Dave Davies was often envied by Jimi Hendrix who at the time, was not even that good and played with the Isley Brothers. For example, if Dave played a Flying V guitar Jimi would buy one and play it just to copy him. This can be seen at a different uncyclepedia page, Dave Davies.

  • There is a message in You Really Got Me which can be heard by playing the song forwards at normal speed on a sound system with a subwoofer, and by starting to destroy the sub with a chainsaw precisely 47 seconds into the song. If the sub is not completely destroyed after three seconds of chainsaw hacking, it will play the message “I wish I did what you are doing with that chainsaw to my brother Dave.”
  • The message in Lola (which, believe it or not, was on the debut album) can be heard by playing the song backwards and torturing a chihuahua near the speakers precisely 92 seconds into the song. The message that you will hear is "Must...burninate...Ray".
  • The message in All Day And All Of The Night can be heard by playing the song diagonally at precisely 9.438 times the normal speed, and by setting off a nuclear explosive, preferably similar to the explosive “Little Boy” used in World War 2, somewhere between 38 and 39 miles from where you are listening to the song. The explosive must be detonated 11 seconds into the song, and it must be positioned in a densely populated city. The message that will be heard immediately after the explosive is detonated is “Haha, I made you kill thousands of innocent people you stupid dick”.
  • The message in "Vilage Green Preservation Society" can be heard by standing upside down in a bucket of water with a sausage in one's anus. The message audiable is Dave Davies saying: "Wow, I really wish my brother had a sausage stuck up his anus!" BEWARE: this may cause extreme injury.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Kinks.

The Kinks permanently disbanded after recording their debut album, which meant their music careers lasted for just 32 hours. Despite this, they are one of the most popular and successful bands of all time. The Davies brothers agreed to take up boxing soon after The Kinks disbanded.

Boxing

The rivalry between the Davies brothers in boxing has been perhaps the greatest rivalry in boxing history. In a total of 87 fights against each other, Ray has won four, Dave has won three, nine have been draws, and the remaining 71 have been no results due to both of the brothers testing positive for a wide variety of drugs after the fight. However, all 16 fights that had results did not have drug tests either before or after the bout. The Davies vs. Davies bouts have generally seen the brothers resorting to dirty tactics, such as heatbutting, biting and stabbing.

Ray Davies often paints his body dark brown before fights in order to intimidate his opponents.

Even though they are both well into their sixtees now, the Davies brothers are still masturbating. After several hundred bouts, neither of the two brothers have lasted more than one round against anyone other than each other or the feather fisted hack John Ruiz. However, it is believed that their brain damage is so severe, they don’t actually realise they are boxing anymore.

See Also

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