The Joy of Killing

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“It's your world, your massacre, and you can kill as many people as you want.”
~ Bob Ross on The Joy of Killing
“This man is truly the pinnacle of the saying, "Speak softly and carry a big stick."”
Joyofkilling

Bob Ross, star of the Joy of Killing.

The Joy of Killing was an American half-hour instructional television show which began on January 11, 1983, and was hosted by Bob Ross also known as "Domination Bob" that taught viewers how to completely destroy a landscape in half an hour, a total of 403 episodes were produced.

The show was broadcast by PBS (produced in the jungles of Vietnam), and spawned four movies, commonly known as the "Rockets and Machinegun Bob", or "RAMBo" series.

edit Format

Jok-ba

A landscape, before, and then after an episode of the Joy of Killing.

At the start of every episode, Ross stands beside a selection of weaponry in front of a black background. Ross would happily use a weapon by explaining it to the viewer. Within the 30-minute program, Ross graphically ran the colors across the screen by using a weapon to create an unimaginable fiery hell.

His efforts were accompanied by a soothing monologue about the "happy explosions" and the explosion's "little friends", the "happy flying body parts" that he was creating with his munitions. Ross created scene after scene of grotesque hells of fiery landscapes.

An agent provocateur, Ross was not beyond pointing out that his viewers couldn’t afford to lose control of their “happy, bloody, little worlds.”

“See that Charlie village over there under the camouflage netting?" Ross once said, in his ever calm and comforting voice. "Let’s load up with a dollop of Agent Orange and lob it, right over here. There; can't you just hear Mr. and Mrs. Charlie screaming in agony. But you could also use a bazooka, and get the same results.”

Ross always reminded the viewers that little mishaps were bound to happen when creating a scene of chaos. He frequently stated that there were no such things as "civilian casualties" or "collateral damage" and preferred to call them "happy accidents."

Being a Vietnam veteran, Ross brought a special realism and familiarity with both his weapons and the canvass. This familiarity was not lost on the viewers, who anxiously anticipated each new episode and the heartfelt destruction it would bring.

The painting to the left is an example of Ross's "pretty little trees on fire" technique that has become popular in recent years, however the lack of several dead squirrels, as well as other rabid creatures has left numerous fans disenfranchised by Ross's lack of dead lawn rodents.

At the end of each episode, Ross gives a little wave to the viewer by saying "So from all of us here, I'd like to wish you happy killing, and God bless, my friend".

edit Global Domination

Later, the show went world-wide, when the show invaded Panama in 1989. It was an instant success, with even Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega barring himself inside his home so as not to be disturbed when watching the show. In 1991, Ross took his show to Kuwait, where its popularity grew. The market in neighboring Iraq was limited, however, until 1994 when the show was cancelled due to low ratings. The show then went to Bosnia in 1992. After this, The Joy of Killing cultivated a huge international following, with versions airing even in remote African villages.

edit Series Finale

The show came to an abrupt end on May 17, 1994. Ross was unable to escape from his own zeal, when the cluster-bomb airstrike he called in for the finale was off-target, accidentally bringing to an end one of the most beloved and violent television shows ever to air. What remained of Bob (his gallbladder and afro) was preserved in the Smithsonian Museum of Death and Destruction in Seattle.

edit Criticism

Bob Ross was often criticised for his simplistic technique. His fire-on-fire method was looked down upon by those who used the traditional method of fire-wait-fire. In 1991, his Joy of Killing product line was rejected by Jihad-Mart, who cited that his explosive violence against Muslims was in clear violation of the laws set forth in the Koran. Despite this, his techniques have inspired millions to take up arms and experience The Joy of Killing for themselves.

edit The Game

The Joy of Killing is currently a planned title for the Nintendo Wii and DS. Speculated to take advantage of Nintendo's unique control style, Bob Ross: The Joy of Killing will put you in the axe wielding body of your hero as he hacks and slashes perfect landscapes into grotesque hells of rock and debauchery.

Personal tools
projects