The Jew Crew
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After giving birth to Jesus, Scientologists Mary and Joseph decided to make kids one more time. To their surprise they happened to have quadruplets by the names of Jewsus, Jewhammad, Jewddha, and Jewcifer. But minutes after birth The Hebrew Hammer kidnapped these kids hoping that one day, they would follow him in defending Judaism. With Jesus and his caucasion followers, Buddha and his Orientals, Muhammad and his Arabs, and Lucifer and his evil-doers, the Jews needed to make a comeback. As the Jewish brothers aged they become more ill-disposed with their perfect brother Jesus, as each of them were born with one flaw. Jewsus discovered his flaw when he was 10, during his first trip to Taco Bell where he realized he was unsanctified with a severe case of IBS(aka irritable bowl syndrome).
Manifestations of the Jew Crew
Jewsus, Jewhammad, and Jewddha have all made several contributions on Earth. They have produced many famous people such as Lenny Kravitz, Adam Sandler, Billy Joel, David Lee Roth, John Stewart, Al Sharpton and many more. The list goes on forever. Jewcifer has helped guide them to their inevitable destination...hell.
Misconceptions about the Jew Crew and their followers
The Jew Crew is is made a mockery of almost every single time they are seen online or in person. Some people think the Jew Crew is comprised of Christians who are making fun of Jews. That is completely wrong. The Jew Crew strives to keep the goods aspects of a Jew, while throwing the bad aspects out. What does this create? A team of ass kicking Hebrews. Led by their formerly Mexican leader, The Hebrew Hammer, the Jew Crew provides help to Jews everywhere.
- All Jews are accountants. Not true some are bankers and others doctors.
- All Jews are cheap. No they are just poor.
The Sacred Text of the Jew Crew
The Qorahbiblan (pronounced "Core-Uh-Bibe-LAN"... aka "Twas the Night Before Christmahanukwanzukah" for all you people who can't read that) consists of the teachings of the Jewish people. Only Jewhammad can read it, since it's written in Hebrew, but only makes sense when you read it from left to right. The cover was crafted by Jewdda. In essence, it establishes the common law for the Jewish people, taking into account the good parts of all religions. For example, taken from the Christians is the consumption food during ceremonial worship. Now everyone in the middle of the rabbi's homily gains access to Nilla wafers as a form of communion. From the Muslim faith, the little carpet squares are brought in, (4 per person) so people can lie down if they get tired. Christmahanukwanzukah is the official holiday.
General Characteristics of the Jew Crew
- Curly Bangs.
- Big Noses.
- Shapeshifting into black people and cockroaches
Individual Powers and Characteristics
The Hebrew Hammer
- Short hair.
- Possesses the worlds toughest "tough guy spot".
- Able to consume more than 34 Arabs at a time (only 23.5 if they have bombs strapped on).
- Works at Wendy's to blend in with the Mexican Jews and defend them 24/7.
- Ability to speak to all those illegal immigrants that do all the manual labor.
- destroys all people in nazi bar
- Long hair.
- Never spends more than $0.23 at a time (world record among Jews both mortal and immortal).
- Invincible to beggars and stingy bastards alike.
- Shapeshifts into OJ Simpson.
- Can convert kosher foods back to non*kosher (to poison the infidels)
- jesus's homie
- Looks like a Korean.
- Lays the biggest Jew eggs.
- Shapeshifts into a Panda with Jewish curls.
- Good at mindless techno music arrow games.
- Resisted (100%) his mother's nagging to become a doctor.
- Can transmute latke into lox
- Pope of the Jews.
- Converted over 76 million Christians.
- Can read Hebrew from left to right.
- Has a 12 sided dradel.
- Bringer of damnation to all non*jews
- Breathes fire and/or horseradish
- Most likely "knows what your talkin' bout"
- Women know him as "The lord of Avernus"
- Destroys anyone who's name is nick