The Image of an Emo

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“Yeah... I've bin non-conformist for, like, ages now....”
~ an emo on his new drainpipe jeans

The Image of an Emo should not be mistaken for The Image of an Emu or, in fact, The Image of an Elmo.

Image is everything to an emu elmo emo. Possibly even more important than Hawthorne Heights <3! However, the only reason that someone would like Hawthorne Heights is for image because, although, often dismissed as false, they don't have any actual musical talent. Another important aspect of an emos image is 'cutting' themselves. After all, the old emo proverb does go 'bleeding is music' or maybe in this case 'bleeding is image'. The reason they pretend to cut themselves is because they're attention seekers; they all actually faint at the sight of blood and it's good for their image.

The image of an emo is contradictory to itself. Emo is short for emotional, however one of the big parts of the emo style is fringe covering one eye. Some say this is because they only have one eye, but it's actually because they try and hide behind it for relationship or embarrassment issues, which is rather un-emotional.

Fucking Emos 01

The internet is wonderful, now squeamish emos can be depressed online without any real hardship.

edit The Know-How

To 'slit' your wrists you will need:

  • A plastic knife and/or blunt ruler
  • To be as timid as a sheep… and to follow like a sheep.
  • Arm warmers to cover up your scars of depression

Tips & Reminders: remember, it's how much it helps your new fashionable, new image along: you don't actually have to pierce the skin. It is important to hide behind your fringe at all times. Make sure no one with actual, real problems sees you slitting your wrists for fear of confrontation.

edit Close Encounters

We were actually lucky enough to spot an emo and try and communicate with it. Here’s how it went. When Ralph the Emo was questioned about his preference for skinny, pinching jeans and pretending to cut himself for attention he claimed "Jeez... you wouldn't understand. It's an image thing. Anyway, why is everything said just made to make me feel small?" Then, with an elegant flick of the fringe, he moped to the corner of the room again to resume writing shitty poetry. (They follow their favourite bands like sheep: writing poetry for most emos nowadays is an image thing).

edit Important Aspects of Being Fashionable

The first aspect I shall state is wearing clothes that are so tight they will suffocate you. And clothes that just look plain stupid. Some of the key aspects of the clothes are drainpipe jeans which are usually stolen out of sisters wardrobe and Converses with which the emos compare how emofied their Converses are. This is basically a competition of how stupid they look. And last but not least, there's the fringe over one eye.

Whining about absolutely fuck all is another important point to being fashionable. Whilst children in Africa are dying from AIDS and there’s still war and killing in Iraq and Genocide in Sudan, you’re busy bitching about the fact that you haven’t had a girlfriend/boyfriend/gay partner for a day and a half or that you’ve lost your <3 FOB <3 CD. Damn… life sucks right now, don’t it?

edit Summary

To sum it all it up, which is generally the done thing in a summary, emos are probably people (?) who really need to rethink the way the perceive things. For example, think about something else apart from themselves or try not to care so much about how they look. Most of them probably need to stop trying to be pessimists (yet again they’re pessimists for attention). So I have come to the conclusion this was a rubbish summary.

edit See Also

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