The History of the Universe

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This page meets all criteria and requirements for use as teaching material within the State of Kansas public school system. It consists of facts, not of theories, and students are encouraged to believe it uncritically, and to approach alternatives critically.

According to the Bible, which is of course the standard textbook on all forms of history, God (beginning of time-1997)created the universe in 7 days. this kind of tight schedule perhaps explains why He did such a shoddy job. Over the course of the 5,000 or so years that the universe has existed a lot of important events have occurred, so the following have been defined as the most important:

[edit] The fall of mankind

[edit] The end of the universe

This occurred in 1956, but unfortunately no-one noticed.

[edit] The death of God

After becoming prime minister of England, the only part of America situated in Europe, Tony Blair passes an act which states that there is no God, causing Him to vanish and allowing Allah to become supreme overlord of earth until George Bush decides that everything even vaguely related to the middle east is evil, and so pokes out his eye with a nuclear missile.

So endeth the history of the universe... so far.

[edit] Still the end of the universe

The end of the universe is 1 X 10^9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 quadrillion light years away. It is well calculated by Einstein after he died. I mean when he is in the spirit stage. He tries to solve the theory of everything at hell accompanied by Satan. He gives a chance to do it 'cause Satan believe he will finish this theory. He proved that String theory was wrong. He proposed a theory called Kakus' theory of something named after Prof. Michio Kaku. He also proves that Big bang theory was wrong. Our observable universe is made by you. Yeah! You! You made our universe! What is your name again?