The History of the Decline and Fall of Uncyclopedia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Hate, hate, hat”
The History of the Decline and Fall of Uncyclopedia was written by a team of hysterical Gibbons, frantically bashing away at their keyboards whilst hyper on fizzy pop and Doritos. The history was first published in six volumes spread out over a number of years. Volume I was published in 1776, and went through six printings. Volumes II and III were published in 1981 (much to the surprise of many fans of the series) and volumes IV, V, VI in 1788-89. The original volumes were published in sections within the Village Dump, a common publishing practice of the time. It stands as a major literary achievement of the 18th century and was adopted as a model for the methodologies of modern historians and tired webmonkeys with too much spare time on their hands.
Few would have believed, in the early years of the Internet Age, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space. No one could have dreamed we were being scrutinized, as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few men even considered the possibility of life on other planets and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this wiki with envious eyes, and slowly and surely, they drew their plans against us.
Following the takeover by Wikia many welcomed our Evil Overlords in the belief that things would "probably get better". Few would have considered that the influx of prepubescent teenage boys who snicker at the word "boobies" would have any detrimental effect on the website. Within months the sublime humour provided by some of the finest comedy writers of our age were diluted to the level of Junior School witticisms.
Factors in the Decline
A number of key factors have been proposed as major contributors to the decline of Uncyclopedia. These include:
Overexpansion & Over-Inflated Egos
Many "experts" speculate that the rapid growth of the wiki over a relatively short period of time and the powerplays behind ego-boosting activities such as the seeking of featured articles and other awards may have contributed massively in the decay in quality throughout the site. As the wiki expanded, efforts to deal with spammers, trolls and unbearably shit writers became less easy to maintain, less effective and a constant drain on resources. Over time more and more conscripts were taken from the very enemies at the gate, in an effort to control the population.
Methods of achievement were developed over a number of years - methods that led to a situation were individuals could rise through the ranks within a predetermined path thus creating a hierarchic power system, which in time became the primary focus of activity within the site, often to the determent of the running of the wiki. Occasionally the Oligarchs who assumed control could become corrupted by power, ruling as despots with little or no control from the general population.
Females on the Internets
With both humour and the internet the traditional domain of men, an influx of female editors brought in to both add to the numbers as well as making token gestures towards Politically Correct thinking, created a paradigm shift within the writing style throughout the wiki away from its traditional heartlands. This "Estrogenization" and the resultant editorial dilution or "castration", led to lethargy amongst the male writers who were both confused and aroused at the idea of sexy, hot chicks editing their articles (if you know what I mean).
Another major contributor to the ultimate fall of Uncyclopedia actually had its beginnings at the height of its powers. During this time a number of respected individuals would periodically run throughout the hallowed halls of the civic forums moaning and wailing, waving burning firebrands, making predictions about a decline in quality, and advocating a number of "solutions" to counteract this. These included:
- Banning Itinerant Participants (usually shortened to IPs).
- Burning everything to the ground and starting again.
- Finding something far more constructive and rewarding to do with your time.
Although most of these were dismissed as "massively silly" over a prolonged period of time many of the general population began to believe that the downfall of their society was inevitable. Thus, a self-fulfilling prophecy was created.
Much of the details outlined within The History of the Decline and Fall of Uncyclopedia were utilised within a number of movies from the 1950s onwards. Most notably the 1963 English-language epic "The Fall of Uncyclopedia", which starred Sophia Loren and Howard Keel, detailed many of the themes in an unusually intelligent and thoughtful manner for a film of that genre, and featured a number of classic songs including "If you loved THAT, you’ll love THIS" and "Erogenous Zones (and Difficulties in Overcoming Finding Them)".
The 1979 American Vietnam movie "Uncycapocalypse Now!" again made numerous references to many of the basic motifs within The History of the Decline and Fall of Uncyclopedia, whilst Marlon Brando's final words as Colonel Kurtz "the horror... the horror...." were thought by many to reflect most people's opinion of Uncyclopedia in general.