The Great Whale Invasion

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The Great Whale Invasion
Blue Whale
Date: 2012-2015
Place: All inhabited coasts and landmasses
Outcome: Total extinction of humanity, cetacean victory
Cetaceans Humans †
Political affiliation
New Cetacean Alliance Varied

Moby Dick II
(unintelligible Blue whale noise)
General Scarface
(unintelligible Humpback whale noise)
Various other cetacean leaders

All major human leaders †
All cetaceans All humans
42 cetaceans All humans
The Great Whale Invasion was the final, and ultimately successful, attempt at cetacean domination, lasting from 2012 to 2015, and resulting in total human extinction. After the failure of the Dolphin uprising, the Bush-Dolphin War occured, resulting in the overthrowing of america. Unfortunately for the dolphins, however, the British overthrew Pacificoceanland and made a new america. After this terrible defeat, every whale, dolphin, and porpoise met together to decide what to do next. After much time-wasting, Kitten huffing, and use of various other stale memes, it was decided (finally!) that all of humanity needed to go, and that every cetacean would participate this time. It was also decided that dolphins, due to their past failures, were too incompetent to lead this time, and that the large whales, Blue whales in particular, would be in charge. (Except general Scarface, the last Baiji, who would lead the attack in eastern Asia) The few good humans, such and marine biologists, were forcibly converted into whales and became intelligence officers, who told the cetacean commanders all of humanity's weaknesses.

edit Planning and preparation

The attack was planned for several years before it was launched. Instead of merely attacking by themselves this time, they would be helped by advanced technology. Anti-gravity packs armed with flame-throwers, ray guns, guided missiles, tracking devices, long-range communication systems, powerful deflector shields, snack compartments, and other useful gadgets were made for each whale, dolphin, and porpoise. Although these were meant to be finished within a few days, it took several months due to the cetacean's lack of opposable thumbs. There was also much debate about the most fun way to wipe out humanity.


A dolphin equipped with fire-breathing technology

edit Early stages

People first started to notice something wasn't right when all whaling ships suddenly disappeared, along with several cargo ships carrying some of the stuff the whales needed to make their weapons. However, they didn't pay too much attention to it, as they were busy wasting time on the internet. By the time an investigation was organized, it was too late.

edit First attack

The first attack started at midnight, on new year's day 2012. Whales, equipped with their new weaponry, flew out of the ocean and attacked every major costal city in the world, quickly overwhelming human defense forces and leveling almost all of them within a few days. This first attack resulted in over a hundred million human deaths and 10 cetacean casualties. Enraged that humanity would dare murder so many innocent whales, dolphins, and porpoises, the cetacean forces pushed inland along major rivers, killing every human they found and of course, destroying major cities.

edit Humanity pleads for their case

Not all humans feared or hated the whales. Some sympathized with them, claiming that what was happening was a natural result of what humanity had done, such as whaling, pollution, wiping out the Baiji, overfishing, and using stale internet memes. After the first attack, thousands of wildlife activists, marine biologists, and other cetacean sympathizers, shocked at this sudden and brutal attempt to wipe out the human race, took to the streets and went to the cetacean command centers. They said that not all humans were enemies of the whales, and that they were actually allies and wanted to negotiate peace. Those few who had actually done anything to help cetacea were forcibly converted into a cetacean of their choice, and became intelligence officers. The rest were publicly executed for claiming to be whale lovers while never actually doing anything to help.

edit Humanity fights back

The rest of the humans rallied to protect themselves from the cetacean menace. Although most of their weapons were ineffective against the whales' shields, they managed to kill 26 cetaceans, (which enraged them even more), slow down the general invasion, and take back the irradiated, smoking rubble that used to be LA, (didn't change that much, did it?) but this was only because the whales didn't want it anyway.

edit The slaughter of humanity

General Scarface, the last Baiji, (who had been injured by fishing gear), then summoned a thousand warships from the Baiji's home planet, who were eager to exact vengeance on humanity for wiping out their earth colony. They joined forces with the whales on earth and quickly crippled humanity's defense forces. With them out of the way, the whales overthrew all human nations and wiped out half of humanity by the beginning of 2013. The cetaceans continued to push inland, leaving only rubble, scorch marks, massive heaps of scorched human bones, and colossal statues of cetaceans where humans had once lived. Valleys were flooded with seawater and became cetacean colonies. By mid 2014, over 90% of humanity had been wiped out. Very little effective human resistance was made during this time, and only 6 cetaceans were killed.

edit The final days

At the beginning of 2015, an estimated 15,000 humans were left alive. In that year, very few humans were killed each day, since there were hardly any left. Those who were still alive lived alone in small, hidden, and often temoprary settlements of 2 to 1,500 in inhospitable locations such as Utah. Most of the cetaceans were no longer involved in the invasion, instead working on flooding large areas to make colonies, inhabiting said colonies, and working on other projects. The commanders, intelligence officers, and those who hated humanity the most, such as the most endangered species (Northern Right whales, Maui's dolphins, Vaquita porpoises, Antarctic Blue whales, and the west pacific Gray whales) and the families of those who were killed continued to hunt out and destroy the few remaining humans.

edit The end

On September 15, 2015, the last major human settlement was destroyed, killing all 120 humans living there. No humans at all were found after October 31. At the end of 2015, the cetacean commanders correctly concluded that every last human had been killed. Whales now rule the world.


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