“I'm in total support of Rosie but then again Donald Trump's hair makes me want to support him.”
“I'm not gonna touch this one”
“Rosie is a threat to National Security. Just last week I saw her with Al Qaeda.”
“All I did was ask him one question!”
The War Begins
The year was 2006, the month December, kids were frolicking in the meadows, people were merrily spending all their life savings on expensive Christmas presents, Saddam Hussein was awaiting his imminent execution; it was a happy joyous time. But then Rosie O’Donnell made horrible statements about Donald Trump on The View. The country was stunned. No one had to balls to stand up to Trump for fear of being fired. Rosie had actually planned this event for many months in her underground war-room with her associates, Dr. Strangelove, Napoleon, and Mr. Belvedere. She was expecting Trump to fire her so she can spring her counter-attack and bring Trump down for good. Trump was smarter than that though and didn’t out right fire her but instead appeared on many talk shows and called Rosie “a fat slob” and “a degenerate”. But the heaviest blow was when he called her “a bully”. Rosie was devastated, Trump had outsmarted her. Rosie was forced into a dead end and didn’t know where to go. Rosie soon received vital allies, the lesbians lead by Ellen DeGeneres. They then formed the Lesbian Alliance to take down Trump. But a spy was in Rosie’s midst and when he found out about this Alliance he quickly informed Trump who then assembled the Bureaucrat Brawlers. A full-frontal war then broke out.
The Two Sides
Here is some in-depth information about the two warring sides.
The Lesbian Alliance
Rosie’s premiere same-sex squadron against the forces of Trump. They include the likes, Of Angelina Jolie, Roseanne, Christina Aguilera… and…Dick Cheney’s daughter. Every able-bodied lesbian, dyke, and bi-sexual woman in America are all a part of the Lesbian Alliance.
The Bureaucrat Brawlers
Donald Trump’s army of tightwad stuck-up millionaires sworn to fight the Lesbian Hoard led by Donald Trump and second-in-command, Bill Gates. Also featuring the likes of Oprah Winfrey, Ted Turner, and the cryogenically frozen Walt Disney. They rarely ever get into physical fights because they’d much rather prefer suing your ass until you’re completely destitute and living in a cardboard box. They also sit back and have all their hired goons to do all the work for them.
Major Events of the War So Far
1: The First Strike-Trump knew that to get to Rosie he had to work from the bottom up and because Rosie’s bottom is so big Trump had a lot work to do. He started by assassinating each and every other member of The View. Trump and his elite task force assassinated the other members silently. The only one to survive was Barbara Walters who escaped but was mortally wounded. She approached Rosie’s doorstep bleeding profusely. Lucky for her Rosie had the best lesbian doctors on hand so Barbara could be rebuilt but it would cost her $6,000,000. When they were done she became Cyborg Barbra Walters! She was better, stronger, faster, and Rosie’s Ace in the Hole.
2: The Destruction of Trump Plaza-Cyborg Walters wanted revenge for what happened to her and she’d get it the only way her artificial intelligence knew how, to destroy shit. She charged the Trump Plaza, one of Trump’s many strongholds in his capital of Atlantic City, New Jersey. She blasted her way through 50 heavily armed Trump Troopers, his royal guard. She burst through the front door and was surrounded by Trump’s Tactical Squad. Barbara made quick work of them and then leveled Trump Plaza. This posed a great loss to Atlantic City.
3: Enter the Golden Kill-Bots-Trump realized how humans are so ineffectual and weak so he then decided to upgrade to...ROBOTS! Donald Trump then melded his men to make an army of golden kill-bots. He sent to assault one of Rosie’s bases in New York City, Fatty Burger Headquarters. Without her 50 Grease Gobbler Burgers Rosie would not be able to make it through the day and this was what Trump had planned. The kill-bots met with heavy resistance from the Lesbians for Rosie positioned 200 Lesbian cops around the Fatty Burger equipped with Lesbian rocket launchers… Lesbians. The battle raged for three days and the kill-bots were forced to fall back because a hoard of obese customers charged through the kill-bots to get their burger fix. Both sides suffered heavy casualties and the Fatty Burger HQ was badly damaged.
4: Japanese Invasion: Rosie attempts to ambush Trump at his golf course with her Super Dooper Sumo contacts. Ancient beings of over a hundred years old, her ancestors used to tame these mighty beasts and keep them on a special diet of sushi in order to increase their impregnable bulks. they formed a secret contract with the O'Donells, and promised to come and protect them when "their Family honour was at stake". Known to be able to withstand point-blanks shots, they easily overwhelmed the Gate Guardian that kept watch near the Trump International golf Course. Upon getting new of the invasion, Trump immediately sent for several B-24 "Flying Fortress" bombers and attempted to blast these mammoth creatures into oblivion. However, the explosions merely rocked them gently as they trudged on towards the golf course, crushing everything in their path, until they were driven off my Grawp, Hagrid's little brother, and a horde of centaur mice. Still, the golf course suffered heavy damages, and a novice pair, Topsy and Mopsy, last seen in a children's Book read by Ralph, won the golf championship when a hole smashed in the ground by Booma, a Super duper sumo, caused his entire box of balls to fall underground. HOle in 1