The Grassy Knoll

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The Grassy Knoll was the first action to put J.F Kennedy in serious danger. Arguably, it was also the last.

edit James Files

A certain James Files confessed to the murder of JFK, however it is still unclear as to why. It is the opinion of one Oscar Wilde that "..obviously JFK had stolen some of James' lunch money in the past- James was just getting his own back."

edit The Millenium Falcon Theory

Another theory has emerged which places "Millenium Falcon" pilot Han Solo at the heart of the assasination, as a picture clearly shown the "Millenium Falcon" leaving the scene. A certain "Chewbacca" has expressed his views on the matter, however, there is nobody in the entire world that can understand what the hell he is saying, except perhaps a gorilla on heat, or at the very least Hulk Hogan.

A Photo clearly showing the Millenium Falcon on the scene of the JFK murder

edit The Tolkien Conspiracy

John F. Kennedy also went by the name of JFK, a close relative of the shortened name JRR. Of course, JRR being a one JRR Tolkien, author of the "Lord of the Rings", and other assorted publications such as "Guns 'n' Ammo" and "Fishing Australia." Thus another murder theory comes into being- what if Frodo and his apparent "ring" were in fact code names for a murder plot? This story seems the most likely under the circumstances, due to the James Files story being universally seen as fake- this is in fact stated in an Uncyclopediaarticle about the The Grassy Knoll.

edit The World of Warcraft Theory

While several prominent Nuclear Physisists such as Charles Darwin and Kim Bealzy and the waste disposal guy from down the street attempt to come to terms with the murder which only occurred forty years ago an anti-nuclear protestor has found the murder weapon while searching through a dumpster for his next feed. A Kobold Mining Mallet was found near the scene, thus confirming the fears of several 1950's private eyes such as Sam Spade that the murderer was a Level 2 Warrior. Some have expressed views that he could have even been Level 3. While World of Warcraft officials have declined to comment, a possible profile for the killer is a Kobold Miner.

A possible profile of the murderer of JFK

edit The Murderer-Finding Law

Some random people from the Homeless Shelter line have expressed views that the killer could be found through finding a solution to the following equation.


However nobody has emerged that can solve the equation, and an underground rumour was circulated that it wasn't an equation, but rather the final words a a drunk homeless guy. Another rumour has circulated that this guy was in fact Jimmy Wales, the co-founder of Wikipedia and one seriously cool basketball player. He was also a basketball player.

edit The Real Answer

A certain Kaptain Kerny of the "Friends of the NBC" terrorist organisation has come forward and accepted the blame for the "Grassy Knoll" incident. In a press conference held at the point of several stolen AK-47 rifles that had clearly been in the hands the the blessed "Osama", he made clear in no uncertain terms that he had shot JFK by accident. He had actually been aiming for "the chick next to him", who he thought to be an icecream lady that had short changed him in the past.
Animated gnome-snail

Kaptain Kerny posing for the camera on his noble stead.

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