The Good, The Bad, and the Swansea

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Taglines:
  • The world's first Welsh Western
  • Make my day, boyo!
  • Our Good Cow-boyo.
Writers William Shakespeare
Starring
Producers Count Duckula, David Cameron
Director Roger Rabbit
Runtime Ninety (90) minutes
Language English, Welsh
Distributed by
IMDb rating Youtubestar.pngYoutubestar.pngYoutubestar.pngYoutubestar.pngYoutubestar.pngYoutubestar.pngYoutubestar1.pngYoutubestar1.pngYoutubestar1.pngYoutubestar1.png

The Good, The Bad, and the Swansea (Welsh: Ulleugh, Ullieag, Ueiughli) is a 1968 Welshploitation Western film starring Clint Eastwood, John Wayne and Count Duckula. It was filmed on location in various parts of Wales, but did not receive Welshploitation status until it's VHS release in the 1980's. In Welsh, it had no rating, but in America, it was rated PG. No really. The MPAA had lost their damn mind back in their day.

edit Plot

Set in 1866, the film tells of the colonisation of the Welsh plains by English settlers, demonstrating the vastness of the Welsh flatlands and the number of small villages that are slowly cropping up here and there, as well as the corruption of such villages by unscrupulous crimelords.

At the town of Sfyllyd City, a newcomer to town called Clem Pynis (Wayne) has begun to bribe the Mayor, Horatio Wobblebottom (Depp), to get his own way and practically run the town himself. By forcing victims to pay tribute in cold hard cash, Pynis soon takes over Sfyllyd City and is in full control of the town's workings.

John Wayne
Clem Pynis (John Wayne) arrives in Sfyllyd City, Clwyd in Scene 2.

A small faction of settlers in the town become outraged at Pynis' work, and after a scuffle in the Taff Vale Saloon, call on the Sheriff to get rid of Pynis. The Sheriff is quickly gunned down by Pynis, and the townspeople are left at the mercy of his posse.

One year later, a newcomer arrives in the city, now renamed Pynis City. The traveller, known only as the Man with No Taffy Accent (Eastwood). Finding the city to be completely lawless, the M.W.N.T.A. decides to clean it up, and quickly fights off a gang of rustlers trying to scare him out of town, killing two of them dead.

As he tries to find lodgings, he is welcomed into the stately home of Doc Beaker (Duckula), who tells him of the machinations of Pynis and how the once-peaceful town has become a desolate hellhole, and that all of Pynis' opponents were run out of town months ago. The M.W.N.T.A. decides to face Pynis alone in a draw to the death. Nearby, one of Pynis's henchmen, Colwyn Mafiosa (Sonic), overhears this and leaves to inform Pynis while Cowgirl Maddy (Hayley) makes an honest rodeo.

Pynis receives word of the M.W.N.T.A.s' motives, and accepts the duel. In an iconic Western style, the two battle under the blazing sun, each armed with a loaded bottle of Ketchup and Stu Bu & Batterbookie both failed. The M.W.N.T.A. suffers a severe blow to the arm, but Pynis is killed alongside with Maddy. Colwyn and the other Pynis thugs turn and flee before they can be gunned down, and are never seen again.

PDVD 012
Cowgirl Maddy being offended in Scene 290.

With the town practically isolated, Doc Beaker takes over the town and invites back the settlers driven out by Pynis. The town offers the M.W.N.T.A. an award, but vows to be on his way:

“There's a lot more towns out there to be taken care of, boyo. It's just my job to clean up after them.”
~ The Man with No Taffy Accent

edit Critical Reception

Many critics, especially Welsh ones, were overall pleased with the film. Roger Ebert, who went to the film's premiere in Cardiff, called it:

“A brilliant blend of Welshploitation with the Western genre. Never before have I seen such genius, not since that blockbuster, Plan 9 from Outer Space!”
~ Roger Ebert on The Good, The Bad, and the Swansea

The only real criticism came from Swansea, who felt that the title was misleading, as the film had nothing to do with Swansea at all. But seeing as the town is just an unimportant speck, their complaint didn't really matter.

edit Trivia

  • It was because of this film that Roger Rabbit chose to flee to Great Britain from the agents of Bugs Bunny.
  • Clint Eastwood really didn't have a Taffy accent.
  • The film only became a Welshploitation film when the hype for such films took off in the '70s. Before then, it was known only as a Welsh-Western, or a Caerboyo Pfyllme.
  • Hayley Smith won 3 awards: a Gotham Award, an Oscar and an Awesome Award.
  • Count Duckula financed the film to heighten his philanthropic stance (whatever that means).
  • The film has nothing to do with Swansea whatsoever.
  • The shots for Sfyllyd City were filmed at the village of Lanelli, which is not far from Swansea.
  • Rowan Atkinson decided to enter the film to avoid investigation by spies from Kazakhstan.


edit See Also

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